Ep 34: Drug and Alcohol Conversations

Robert J. Meyers, the author of "Getting Your Loved One Sober",
explores strategies that parents can use to get teenagers to stop
using drugs and alcohol. Instead of blaming and shaming
teenagers, Meyers' research-based approach involves loving and
accepting your teen.


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Full show notes


When our teenagers develop bad habits, it can feel like they’re
slipping out of our control. You might worry about your teen
getting into trouble, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and doing
something or don’t approve of. All of a sudden, you’re hearing
them come home late at night, having no idea where they went or
who they were with.


It seems as though even if we beg, scream, and plead, kids won’t
let up on potentially dangerous behavior. Repeatedly, we punish
them, try strategies to prevent underage drinking, give
ultimatums, and say that we don’t like what they’re doing—but
none of it seems to work. It’s easy to get frustrated and
confused when your child just won’t listen, won’t change, won’t
accept help.


That’s why we need a new method of addressing our teenager’s
upsetting habits. Luckily, today’s episode is jam packed with
information about better ways to talk to your teenager and
strategies to prevent underage drinking. Today’s guest is Dr.
Robert J. Meyers, author of Get Your Loved One Sober:
Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening. His book
shines light on effective techniques to help your loved ones
develop healthy habits that go beyond simple scolding.


Dr. Meyers has been working since 1976 on developing a set of
principles known as CRAFT- Community Reinforcement Approach
Family Therapy. CRAFT coaches individuals how to help their
spouses, children, or friends who struggle with addiction accept
treatment and make lasting progress.


However, his ideas have applications far beyond helping those
with serious addiction problems and it is so relevant for parents
of teenagers, especially those looking for strategies to prevent
underage drinking.


CRAFT’s central components of positivity and encouragement and
its practical methods for creating healthier individuals can help
parents and teens everywhere. As CRAFT is a
community-and-family-based approach, Dr. Meyers focuses on how a
family member can help a troubled teenager in this insightful
interview.


It Starts With You, A Parent


When it comes to strategies to prevent underage drinking, Dr.
Meyers says it’s critical that parents don’t blame themselves for
their child’s choices. Harboring negative thoughts about yourself
as a parent or failing to come to terms with the situation are
not good strategies to prevent underage drinking. In CRAFT,
easing this pain and sadness is the first part of guiding a
teenager to recovery. In this way, a parent who is struggling
should heal themselves first so they have an easier time helping
their teenager heal. It’s like what they say before flights, “In
the event that we lose cabin pressure, put on your own oxygen
mask before you help your children.”
That’s why Dr. Meyers underscores the importance of focusing on
your own happiness first! You don’t have to feel guilty about
this, because it actually helps your child. By bringing more joy
into your own life, you can help your teenager be more positive
as well. CRAFT is all about positivity. It aims to escape the
constant cycle of nagging, arguing, yelling and punishing that we
sometimes fall into when we’re trying strategies to prevent
underage drinking


Seeking Alternatives


According to Dr. Meyers, one of the first steps is to help your
teenager become less dependent on substances or other addictive
things is to figure out the root of the problem. He suggests
starting by mapping out your child’s concerning practices, and
finding the source of their troubling behavior. That’s why CRAFT
focuses largely on mental health. If we can help teenagers live
happier lifestyles, we can stop them from engaging in risky
antics and find strategies to prevent underage drinking.


Surprisingly, for a lot of American teenagers, a common cause of
substance abuse or risky behavioral tendencies is more
commonplace than you might imagine:


Boredom


In order to find strategies to prevent underage drinking, Meyers
urges parents to find alternatives to their teen’s risky
behaviors. The idea is to put negative emotions to rest by
helping teens finding something other than substances to make
them feel good. This includes anything besides drugs, alcohol, or
whatever other dangerous behavior they’ve been indulging in. It
could be painting, playing outdoors, or gaming with friends, as
long as it is something they can naturally enjoy in moderation.


Meyers says we can start by doing research, finding a list of
activities and things to do locally. Write them down, and go over
them with your child. Then, help your teenager acquire the means
to do that activity, whether it’s getting them the funds or the
transportation.


If we can help them get invested in activities aside from drugs
and find new passions, we can help them get on the track to
sobriety or even start them on a career path. If they like
computer games, encourage them to learn more about how those
games are made. Perhaps their love for playing games can turn
into a passion for computer programming! Finding a passion to
pursue or a new “healthy obsession” are strategies to prevent
underage drinking that you might use at home. As Dr. Meyers says,
no one gives up drinking for nothing. As a parent, your
encouragement of their passion can help your child visualize a
bright future that’s theirs for the taking.


CRAFT Can Work to Prevent Relapse


Sometimes our teenagers can show progress, only to return to
their problematic ways. Dr. Meyers reminds us in the episode that
the most common cause of relapse is negative emotional state.
Therefore, if we can help our teenagers find these activities
that make them permanently happy, we’ll help them form a lasting
resistance to dangerous habits.


By practicing this CRAFT technique and more, we can help even the
most at-risk teenager improve and work towards progress. Although
helping your teenager heal might feel like an impossible journey,
don’t give up! There are so many strategies to prevent underage
drinking besides harsh words and punishments.


Overall, it’s showing you care that matters most. If your loved
one feels that you care for them, they’ll have a reason to want
to get better. If you take the time to understand the reasons
behind their behavior and make an effort to communicate and reach
out, you’ll form a real connection. This is much more effective
than yelling or bickering, which only leads to further distrust
between the two of you. As Dr. Meyer’s says, one of you has to
change first. As a parent, you’re likely going to be the one
taking the initial step.


In the episode, we cover:


The origins of CRAFT

The concept of sobriety sampling for drug users

The stigma in American culture that makes recovery difficult

Specific ways to talk to your child to ease tension

The dangers of getting the wrong kind of treatment

Even more strategies to prevent underage drinking!



Dr. Meyers is here to provide the answers you seek. He’s been
researching this topic for over 40 years and has worked with
families all over the world. With a...