Ep 37: Teach Lessons Using Stories

Paul Smith is the author of three books: Parenting with a Story,
Lead with a Story, and Sell with a Story. On this episode, he
reveals how to tell teens stories that teach them important
lessons about life. He also shares a few of his favorite
parenting stories that you can steal and tell to your own kids.


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Full show notes


Not Another Boring Story...


“Let me tell you how I learned the value of a dollar.” Does this
sound like the beginning of a riveting story? No! It sounds like
a long, boring charade that your grandfather will go on about for
45 minutes while you pretend to listen. Hopefully you won’t have
to remember specific details later because there’s no way you
took anything away from this one-sided conversation. Why don’t
people realize that their tedious recollections are not an
effective way of teaching teens lessons using
stories?


Have you considered that your kid might feel this way every time
you try teaching teens lessons using stories?
Surely this isn’t the case, right? At least some stories from
your youth you’ve told to your teen have left an impression on
them. They have to know that you lived a full life before they
were born and that there’s plenty of wisdom for you to pass on to
them. But to be frank, it’s probably only the crazy stories —
like the time you drove your mom’s station wagon through your
neighbor’s yard — that they actually remember.


Teaching teens lessons using stories can help
them learn how to deal with the struggles that come with growing
up — should they choose to listen. That being said, what’s the
best way to tell stories that’ll have a lasting impression on
them and not just be ignored? In this interview, we ask one of
Ink Magazine’s “Top 100 Leadership Speakers of 2018.”


Paul Smith is the author of three books on storytelling, Lead
with a Story, Parenting with a Story, and most recently, Sell
with a Story. He has interviewed hundreds of successful people
all over the world and collected the most impactful stories from
their lives. In this episode, Smith discusses how
teaching teens lessons using stories can be
achieved by sharing your experiences, as well as those passed on
from friends and family, in a way that is impactful and
interesting to your teen.


Crafting the Perfect Story


Before becoming an author, Smith spent much of his time listening
to renowned leaders tell stories about how to inspire, motivate,
or instruct others in the workplace. He closely studied the
methods discussed in these stories, finding out what did and
didn’t work. Smith then set out to write a book about how these
stories can be used to teach leadership in the workplace.
However, after interviewing hundreds of successful people all
over the world, he realized that many of the findings he
collected could also be used for teaching teens lessons
using stories. That inspired him to write his second
publication, Parenting with a Story.


As a parent you might be racking your brain for stories that will
be applicable to your teens life. Sure you’ve had a few wild
experiences (and some you don’t ever want your kid to know) but
for the most part, you might have a hard time teaching
teens lessons using stories because you can’t seem to
find any stories that will be interesting and relatable to them.
Smith acknowledges that because their upbringing is a generation
removed from their teen, many parents worry that their stories
will come off as mundane or out of touch.


Smith insists that teaching teens lessons using
stories is all about drawing the right types of stories
out of people. He found that oftentimes people don’t think of
experiences they’ve had in their life as stories unless their
brain connects it with a specific value or lesson they learned.
Smith realized that he was able to find better stories when he
asked people to tell him something interesting or surprising
that’s happened to them. Smith recommends that parents think
about how surprising things you’ve experienced ended up impacting
your life in a bigger way than expected. For example, maybe when
you met your spouse you initially thought they were pretentious
and obnoxious. But somehow you came around to liking and
eventually marrying them. Funny stories like this will make your
kid laugh and can also teach them how first impressions aren’t
always accurate.


In this interview, Smith offers many other tips for
teaching teens lessons using stories including
how to structure your story in an intriguing way. He states that
not all stories should be told chronologically because sometimes
the most interesting part happens in the very beginning. Human
brains are wired to remember things better when there's a
surprise or twist at the end. Think about it, wouldn’t you enjoy
a story more if you didn’t know what would happen next?


Smith shares an anecdote he often uses for teaching teens
lessons using stories. It’s about a young boy who, much
to his mother’s frustration, spends all his time in the kitchen
watching his kettle boil water and release steam. It’s not until
the end of this story that he reveals it’s actually about James
Watt, the man who would go on to invent the steam engine. Smith
points out that what makes this story memorable is that he didn’t
initially tell you who this story was about — the twist ending is
what really sticks with you. Of course you might not have a
remarkable story like this, but that doesn’t mean you can’t craft
one of your own experiences into something just as intriguing.
The key is to find the most surprising part, like how you won
$1,000 on a gameshow you went on in High School, and save it for
the end to really pack a punch.


Drawing their Own Conclusions


Effectively teaching teens lessons using
stories, you have to let the teenager discover the
answer for themself. Once you’ve hooked them in with a cleverly
crafted story, ask them what their takeaways were. You may be
hoping it’s something specific like, “parents always know best”
or “treat people the way you want to be treated,” but Smith
insists that you need let them come to their own conclusion.
Teen’s have a high need for autonomy and when their parents tell
them what to take away from the story, they often feel compelled
to do the exact opposite.


A common misconception of teaching teens lessons using
stories is that it’s about giving advice to your teens.
But the truth is, they don't really want your advice. Teenagers
often feel misunderstood, and as a parent, you’re only making
matters worse if you use storytelling as an opportunity to force
your beliefs onto them.


What teens actually want is for you to listen to them and value
their opinion. By using Smith’s tips on crafting a good story,
you can present them with an interesting, applicable, and concise
tale that paves the way for them to open up to you. When you are
done telling the st...