Ep 47: Sex Positive Education for Teens

Gia Lynne, author of On Blossoming, thinks the current model of
sex education does more harm than good. In this episode, she
reveals how to adopt a "pleasure-focused", or "sex positive
education", approach instead. Use these tips to set your teen up
for sexual success.


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Full show notes


Words like sex and sexuality can sometimes make us squirm.
There’s a lot of social stigma when it comes to talking about the
birds and the bees in our society, and when it comes time to give
our kids a sex positive education, it’s not always easy to find
the words. This is especially true when we consider that teens
aren’t always open to taking advice from their parents on any
topic, let alone something as personal as sex!


If we don’t provide our kids with sex positive education,
however, we may put them at especially high risk for certain
problems. If they’re not informed by a trusted adult about the
dangers of irresponsible intercourse, they may be more inclined
to have unprotected sex, or simply may not approach the act with
as much caution as they should.


Gia Lynne, our guest today, is here to share her wisdom on sex
positive education. She’s the author of On Blossoming: Frank and
Practical Advice on Our Bodies, Sexual Health, Sensuality,
Pleasure, Orgasm, and More. She’s got a lot of great ideas to
help us approach these delicate subjects with ease, and clears up
some misconceptions we have might about sex that could be
harmful.


Sexuality vs. Sensuality


When it comes to sex positive education, one of the things Gia
speaks most passionately about is the difference between
sexuality and sensuality. The difference lies in purpose. To Gia,
sexuality has the ultimate goal of reproduction. It treats sex as
a biological process, not a pleasurable experince primarily
embarked upon for enjoyment. Sensuality, on the other hand,
emphasizes being present, enjoying the sensations of a sexual
experience, including the before, during, and after. It’s about
the journey, not the end point.


It’s like a symphony, Gia explains. We don’t buy expensive
tickets, get dressed up, and have a night out just to go and hear
the final chord being played. We come to the symphony to hear the
entire thing, to enjoy crescendos, interludes, high and low
notes. It’s more than just the final result--it’s an experience.


So, how is this idea important when it comes to giving our kids a
sex positive education? Gia explains that it’s tied to the
pressures young people feel nowadays surrounding sexual activity.
Teenagers are often wondering if they’re old enough, to start
experimenting with sex, if they’re doing it with the right
person, if they will be judged for their behavior. They sometimes
think there’s a kind of invisible standard that they have to
match up to in order to have sex “correctly.”


Adding to this is the pressure young people feel around the word:
“virginity.” Teenagers often get caught up with the idea of
losing the title of “virgin” or gaining some kind of catharsis
after losing their virginity. However, this can lead to a lot of
self-esteem issues, and may convince some teenagers that they
need to rush into having sex before they’re ready or before they
meet the right person.


By emphasizing the value of sensuality in a sex positive
education, we can help teenagers understand that sex isn’t about
other peoples opinions or unrealistic standards. It’s about
having a pleasurable, caring, gentle experience with somebody you
love. It doesn’t have to include penetration, doesn’t have to be
between a man and a woman. As long as you practice safety and
consent and both participants are treated with respect, sex can
be whatever you like it to be.


Starting Conversations


Gia talks about how her book can be used to initiate conversation
between you and your teenager about these tricky topics. When you
give them the book, let them know that they can always ask you
questions about what they read. Alternatively, you could sit down
with your teenager on a regular basis and talk to them about the
different chapters of the book. If you’re nervous about going
into these sex positive education talks without any precedent,
use the information provided in the book as a jumping off point!


You may be asking, what topic from the book would be a good place
to start to give my teen a sex positive education? Glad you
asked. One issue that Gia encourages to discuss is masturbation.
While it can be one of the most uncomfortable things to discuss
with your child, it can help them have a better understanding of
their own body and teach that it is a totally normal part of
life.


You may have difficulty with the word “masturbation” itself––it
can feel pretty awkward to say to anyone, especially to your
teenager! As silly as it may seem, Gia suggests spending some
time saying the word on your own to yourself so that when it
comes to the talk with your teen, it’ll roll off the tongue a
little easier. Alternatively, she mentions how growing up, she
was so embarrassed to talk about it with her parents that they
labelled it, “the m-word.” Even though they didn’t use the word
itself, they were able to discuss the concept, which is what
truly matters when it comes to a sex positive education.


One really important thing, Gia says, is to have these talks
early and often. By giving your chid a sex positive education
while they’re still young. It helps them normalize the idea of
sex instead of creating shame or guilt around it, and helps
establish the importance of safe sex early on.


You don’t necessarily have to come right out and discuss sex and
all it’s intricacies right away; start with helping your kid
understand their body’s reactions to nonsexual stimuli or even
help them practice saying yes and no to things they do or don’t
want—essentially normalizing the idea of consent. That way, when
they do become sexually active, they’ll be more familiar with
their own bodies and feelings.


Ongoing Conversation


Gia shares an interesting observation from her father when she
started dating her first boyfriend in high school. She had been
spending a lot of time with her new boyfriend when her father
confronted her, saying that as soon as she starts dating someone,
she stops spending time with her family. Gia was shocked to hear
this, and didn’t really notice there was a problem.


You can prevent this by having talks early with your teenager,
and by creating a strong, nonjudgmental relationship with them.
By always checking in and showing your teen that you care, you
can build a bond that isn’t broken when your teenager starts
dating.


More From Gia


Gia’s interesting perspective on sex positive education and
genuine regard for teenagers’ wellbeing shines through in today’s
episode. She’s here to help your teenager understand their
sexuality, and to guide you as a parent through this confusing
time. In this episode, we cover:


Gia’s unique, progressive childhood and how it informed her
ideas about sex

Why the traditional Masters and Johnson’s model of sexual
pleasure is outdated

The idea of a “deliberate orgasm date”

How virginity is tied to outdated ideas about a woman’s worth

How to help your kids adopt a “pleasure” mindset about sex
and life in general