Ep 61: Is Your Teen's Brain-Body Type Causing Problems?

Dr. Robert Keith Wallace, author of Dharma Parenting and an
expert in the physiology-psychology connection, joins us for a
lively discussion on how your teen's (and your) brain-body type
may be affecting your relationship. Dr. Wallace clues us into the
scientifically backed Ayurvedic doshas - vata, pitta, and kapha -
and how to deal with each type.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full show notes


Parents Just Don’t Understand


Maybe you love that your teen is a free spirit who dances to the
beat of their own drum—but would it kill them to not leave every
room in complete shambles? Maybe you love that your teen is so
laid-back and easy going—until you leave them at home all day to
finish their essay and when you return, they’re still watching TV
and haven’t even written a word. Of course you love your teen
with every fiber of your being, but that doesn’t mean you love
everything they do. You want to encourage your kids to follow
their instincts and be themselves but you get so exasperated when
they insist on doing things the exact opposite way you would.


Any attempt at understanding the teenage brain
seems laughable and impossible. Every teenager is different, some
let rejection roll off their back and others burst into tears
when you give them the tiniest bit of criticism. Maybe all it
takes for your daughter to get over a breakup is a fun filled day
of shopping at the mall. But for your son, a breakup may send him
into a spiral that’ll take him weeks to get out of. They might
not believe it, you were once the same hormonal, moody, and
angsty teenager as they are. But was understanding the
teenage brain this difficult for your parents? How do
your teens have half your DNA yet react to things so differently?


What if there was a way of understanding the teenage
brain that could make miscommunications between you and
your teen obsolete (or at least a lot less frequent). Seem
impossible? According to Dr. Robert Keith Wallace, it’s not.
Wallace is the author of Dharma Parenting: Understand Your
Child’s Brilliant Brain for Greater Happiness, Health, Success,
and Fulfillment. He is a pioneer in physiology of consciousness
research and has published work in the American Journal of
Physiology and Scientific American. Along with his research in
physiology, Wallace has studied the ancient Indian practice of
Ayurveda for decades and has incorporated his findings into his
book. Wallace is an expert in brain-body connections and has some
excellent tips on understanding the teenage
brain and stopping triggers that may be provoking your
teen and you.


Multiple Personalities


Wallace states that understanding the teenage
brain using Ayurvedic practices requires you to know
three main brain-body types: pitta, vata, and kapha. These are
essentially personality types that dictate how people behave in
different situations. Pittas are the quintessential type-A
personality; they are driven, regimented, and competitive. They
prefer to be in charge and don’t like to be unprepared. Vata
personalities are quite the opposite; they’re free-spirited,
creative, adaptable, and adventurous. They’re often the life of
the party and aren’t huge fans of staying on a schedule. Kaphas
are easy going, even-keeled, affectionate, and reliable. They’re
textbook Type-B personalities that are easy to get along with but
can easily fade into the background in social settings. Knowing
these three brain-body types are beneficial in
understanding the teenage brain because
identifying your teen’s type and your type will make it easier to
manage daily life and resolve conflicts.


Dr. Wallace can help you identify your teen’s brain-body type
through his own experiences with his teens. He recognizes the
telltale signs that you might not notice in your family to help
you understand how these temperaments really look.


After figuring out your teen’s brain-body type, you can better
identify the triggers that cause them to be upset. For example,
your pitta teen is furious at a boy for canceling on them last
minute to go to the movies. You think “What’s the big deal, can’t
they just reschedule?” Upon further reflection of their
brain-body type you come to realize that pitta’s are the type to
maintain a strict schedule. They are diligent about getting their
school work done and want to make sure all their ducks are in a
row before doing something fun and frivolous. They’re not the
type to simply blow off their homework and go to the movies—and
the fact that this boy told your teen last minute “Hey, I have a
thing tonight and I gotta bail. You get it, right?” has put their
whole night out of whack. Understanding the teenage
brain by knowing your teen’s brain-body type can make it
a lot easier to determine what your teen is actually upset about,
especially if you are a different type yourself.


Wallace states that the next step in understanding the
teenage brain is helping your teens get along with
people of alternate brain-body types. Say your daughter’s a
kapha. She’s sensitive and empathetic, calm in times when
everyone else is stressed, and she seems to take everything in
stride. On the other hand, your son’s a vata. He’s always up for
adventure, loves sharing his ideas with anyone who’ll listen, and
he’s always brightening your day with his sunny disposition. As
wonderful as they might be on their own, your daughter and son’s
different brain-body types may cause them to butt heads. Conflict
can arise when your son pressures your daughter to go to a loud
concert that she feels totally out of place in. Or if your
daughter forces her brother to stay in all night watching a TV
marathon when he’d so rather be at the amusement
park. To resolve conflicts like this, Wallace urges parents’ to
act as moderators in their children’s interactions. For example,
if you have a kapha child you need to make sure they have a voice
in conversations, since they often let others overshadow them.
For vata’s, let them speak first, so they can get all their
energy and crazy ideas out of the way. For pitta’s, who tend to
dominate conversations, urge them to hear out other people’s
ideas before sharing their own opinions. Wallace provides other
techniques for creating a harmonious balance amongst the
different brain-body types in the episode.


The Right Type of Attention


In addition to understanding the teenage brain
and identifying the three main brain-body types, Wallace also
discusses the importance of identifying the difference between
the right and the wrong type of attention you give to your teens.
Teens need positive affirmations, support, and someone to confide
in. They don’t need a parent who is judgmental, hard to please,
and who puts too much pressure on them. This type of negative
attention can create a lack of confidence in teens and can make
them believe that they are incapable of ever achieving success,
which is oftentimes the opposite effect parents intended to have
on their children. Wallace says though hard, there is a way for
teens to recover from negative experiences and rebuild their self
esteem. To hear his solution for overcoming teen abuse, tun...