Ep 62: Avoiding Negative Cultural Influences

Mike Adamick, author of Raising Empowered Daughters, shares his
insights on avoiding negative cultural narratives to raise strong
girls. And how we raise boys is an important piece of the puzzle
too.


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Full show notes


As parents, we want our kids to grow up with a sense of equality.
We want them to know that both boys and girls are capable of
greatness, that regardless of their gender, they’re free to
follow their wildest dreams. That’s why it’s frustrating when we
see sexist attitudes or gender inequality perpetuated by major
retailers or movie franchises. It can feel like there’s little
you can do as a parent to protect your kid from these potentially
harmful ideas. We want to steer our teens clear of these
influences, but it’s tough to find ways of avoiding
negative cultural narratives about gender.


Even outside of our modern media, troublesome ideas about gender
can be found in our daily lives, amongst our friends and
neighbors. They’re buried within phrases like “boys will be
boys”, hidden behind casual remarks about women’s bodies, present
in small ways in our conversations at the office or around the
dinner table. Sexist ideas pass under our noses every day, often
without attracting attention— even though they definitely should!


Our guest today is Mike Adamick, the author of Raising Empowered
Daughters: a Dad to Dad Guide. Mike is here to talk to us about
avoiding negative cultural narratives about
gender that may be affecting our kids, and how we can make small,
but important changes within our communities and social circles.


As a stay-at-home dad and the father of a daughter, Mike knows
what it’s like to tackle parenthood head on. He was inspired to
write a book about avoiding negative cultural
narratives when he found himself getting angrier and
angrier over the hurtful messages he saw targeted at his daughter
and other young girls. He wanted parents to understand these
cultural forces and their effects, but he also wanted to share
ways that we can fight against sexism in our everyday lives, to
make the world a better, more equal place for young people.


Cultural Attitudes


Mike provides many examples of how damaging cultural messages
about gender are being spread to young people. These ideas can be
sensed in movies, marketing, retail--in more places than you’d
expect! He talks specifically about clothing: how many large
clothing chains offer very different products for boys and girls,
and how these products send strong messages to young people about
who they’re supposed to be based on their gender.


For example, Mike points out that clothes for boys are usually
roomy and contain exciting slogans and images, encouraging males
to be active and pursue their dreams. Girls, on the other hand,
are often sold tight fitting clothing that restricts their
movement, with much less exciting pictures and messages. This
disparity in available wardrobe is a signal to girls that they
don’t have the same freedoms as boys, that they are meant to look
nice, to be satisfied with less ambition.


If we take a look at popular culture, it’s not hard to find
inequality there as well. Mike talks about the promotional
materials for the recent release of The Force
Awakens, the much buzzed about, long awaited
seventh installment in the Star Wars saga. Mike was excited to
show his daughter the first released picture of the film’s cast,
knowing that there would be a female heroine. Upon viewing the
photo, however, Mike was ot excited but appalled by the gender
imbalance in the photo.


Although the main character was female, the photo was otherwise
entirely filled with male characters. This frustrated Mike. He
wants to live in a world where his daughter can see tons of tough
women on screen, working together to battle evil, instead of just
one token female character in an otherwise male dominated
universe.


It sometimes seems as if there’s no way of avoiding
negative cultural narratives like these. Unfortunately,
we don’t really have the ability to call up the CEO of Disney or
H&M and demand a widespread change. All hope is not lost,
however. Mike talks about how we can act locally. He describes
changes we can implement in our homes and communities, to help
stop harmful messages about gender from gaining traction so that
our kids can grow up knowing that equality matters.


Making Change In Your Inner Circle


Although it may seem insignificant to try to talk about
avoiding negative cultural narratives with your
small circle of friends and neighbors, these efforts can have a
rippling effect. Spreading positive messages in your own
community can be the beginning of creating major change.


Avoiding negative cultural narratives can be difficult when
certain gender ideals have heavily infiltrated our society. One
pervading cultural idea that Mike really dislikes is the notion
of “boys will be boys.” This term generally implies that the
actions that boys take are not “their fault”-- but just a result
of biology. It implies that males are inherently violent or
disrespectful, and therefore can’t be blamed for acting out of
line.


To Mike, this represents the crazy double standard we have when
it comes to raising children of different genders. It spreads the
message that men and boys can do whatever they like, without
being held accountable! It also harms men and boys by placing
them under pressure to meet certain cultural constructs about
masculinity and what it means to be a “man.” It portrays manhood
as being impervious to social rules, being rude and
disrespectful, taking what you want without consideration for
others.


Mike believes that not just avoiding negative cultural narratives
but reframing them are necessary, especially when it comes to
ones that enable inappropriate behavior. To do this, we need to
think about the way we talk to others about stereotypes.


When it comes to talking to our friends and neighbors, objecting
to these cultural stereotypes can help us create a healthier,
more positive environment for our growing teens. Say you’re at a
barbecue with your neighbors, and you overhear someone excusing
their son’s bad behavior, saying “boys will be boys.” Although it
may be awkward to interject, consider speaking up and against
this idea, asking why it seems so easy to use this phrase and
waive consequences for young boys. Your friends and neighbors
might not be used to challenging these notions, but by
encouraging discussion on these ideas, you can work on
avoiding negative cultural narratives in your
community.


Bringing the Conversation Home


Although it’s good to spread the idea of avoiding
negative cultural narratives to your friends, talking to
our own kids is just as important. Teenagers are subject to many
cultural influences on a daily basis, so it’s important to help
them decode the messages they receive from outside sources about
gender roles.


For example, the other side of the “boys will be boys” idea is a
cultural implication that girls are delicate, polite and well
mannered. This can be harmful to girls because it restricts them
from expressing all the rage, passion, and excite...