Ep 70: Sexual Identity Challenges

Richie Jackson, author of the newly-released Gay Like Me and
long-time, award-winning TV/film and theater producer, joins Andy
this week. Richie and Andy discuss how parents can support their
teens in their own journey of sexual identity, and how teens
might become allies for their friends in the LGBTQ community.


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Full show notes


Gay like Me


These days it seems like just about everyone is ok with gay;
there are more LGBTQ characters on TV, same-sex marriage is
legal, and many religious groups originally against homosexuality
are starting to come around. However, members of the LGBTQ
community are persecuted and slandered every day. There are still
numerous nations where it’s illegal to be gay and there are many
places in the United States where people are killed for their
sexual orientation. Regardless of location, members of the LGBTQ
community confront challenges for sexual
identity on a daily basis. This challenge could be
someone using a gay slur and refusing to apologize because they
didn’t mean it in that way. Or, heaven forbid, they come face to
face with a homophobe who threatens or assaults them for liking
the same sex. Yes, we all struggle with our identities but the
struggle is much harder for people who’ve been told they will
never be accepted.


While homosexuality is far more accepted nowadays, struggles that
LGBTQ teens face are new ground and can be confusing territory
for parents. Parents are apprehensive about sex talks with their
teens, but those with LGBTQ-identifying teens can feel more
ill-equipped. Despite the trend toward more acceptance, there are
many challenges for sexual identity that
straight people cannot fathom. Representation of homosexuality in
history books is virtually non-existent, and TV and film
depictions are often stereotyped or exaggerated. While tech-savvy
teens can tap into supportive online LGBTQ communities,
navigating challenges for sexual identity in the
real world is not as easy—and often not as friendly.


For parents of LGBTQ children, it feels daunting to prepare your
teen for a world that isn’t always accepting. Richie Jackson, an
openly-gay Broadway and television show producer, felt similarly
when he was preparing to send his gay son off to college. Even
though his son grew up in an era much more accepting of
homosexuality than Richie did, he knew his son had a lot to learn
about navigating life as a gay man. So Richie started writing
letters to his son, so many letters that he accumulated enough
material for the beginning of a book. These letters were
published in Richie’s first book Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to
His Son. In this book, Richie shares stories from his own life,
the good, the bad, and the humorous, as well as stories of LGBTQ
leaders, creatives, and trailblazers. The book is an important
read not just for those facing challenges for sexual
identity, but for parents of homosexual and heterosexual
kids alike. Richie insists that all parents must understand the
struggles of LGBTQ people in order to empower their LGBTQ teen
and, if they have straight children, to teach them to be better
allies to their queer peers.


Please note that the term “queer” is used throughout this article
and in the episode. Queer is a term that nowadays is used to
describe anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
and/or questioning their sexuality. Though previously used as a
gay slur, the word queer has been reclaimed as an empowering term
to describe the LGBTQ people who have formed an inclusive culture
and community for themselves despite facing challenges
for sexual identity.


Know Your History


Richie believes that if you’re a parent of a queer teen, it’s
vital that you be the one to show them how to face
challenges for sexual identity. If you’re a
straight parent, you may be thinking “how can I help them with
challenges for sexual identity? I have no idea
what it’s like to be LGBTQ!” In order to help them, Richie
insists that you get informed about LGBTQ history, find shows
that accurately and earnestly portray the queer experience, and
provide an environment where talking about sexual identity is
accepted. And parent’s of straight teens are not disqualified
from talking about sexual identities with their kids. Richie
insistst that it’s important for herosexual teens to learn about
the queer experience in order to create a more accepting
environment for their LGBTQ friends, classmates, and teachers.


Starting a conversation about what it’s like to be queer can be
as easy as sharing a personal story. For example, Richie shares
his experience seeing the broadway show Torch Song Trilogy with
his mother in the early 80’s. At the time, being gay was barely
acknowledged and certainly not accepted. The show’s portrayal of
a gay man was unlike anything he’d ever seen. After seeing the
show, his mother told him that she would never reject him for
being gay. His mother’s acceptance empowered Richie to come out
and eventually use his challenges for sexual
identity as an inspiration for many of his future
endeavors. Richie states that the earlier parents express their
acceptance and support of queerness in general, the easier it
will be for queer teens to come out and the more prepared
straight teens will be to provide allyship to the LGBTQ
community.


No matter your teen’s sexual identity or gender, making sure they
are informed about LGBTQ history is an important part of
instilling queer-affirming beliefs in your teen. That means
teaching them about the Stonewall Riots, which was a series of
political uprisings in response to police brutality against the
LGBTQ community in 1969. It also means teaching them about the
AIDS pandemic. Additionally, it’s important to teach teens about
LBTQ activists like Marsha P. Johnson, an African American Drag
Queen who was a major player in the Stonewall Riots. The list of
important events and people in LGBTQ history is vast, and
unfortunately wildly unknown because most schools ignore LGBTQ
history. When queer teens learn about the multitude of LGBTQ
people who paved the way for them to be open about their
sexuality, they are more empowered to handle challenges
for sexual identity. Additionally, straight teens will
develop more empathy and understanding for their LGBTQ peers when
they learn about the hardships queer people have endured to be
accepted into modern society.


Let’s Talk about Sex


Richie points out that regardless of how progressive your teen’s
school is, less than 7% of LGBTQ kids get an inclusive sexual
education. This makes it harder for them to have mutually
fulfilling intimacy with their partners and frankly, harder for
them to know what to do when they have sex. Learning about
same-sex intimacy can be uncomfortable and unfamiliar for many
parents. But in order to support queer teens, you have to be
open, informed, and frank with them about sex. To hear more about
challenges for sexual identity when it comes to
intimacy and how to talk about these challenges with queer teens,
tune into the episode.


Challenges for sexual identity are often caused
by the misconceptions of heterosexual people who have no idea
what it’s like to b...