Ep 71: Laziness Ends Here

Dr. Adam Price, author of He’s Not Lazy, shares the tricks and
tips from his book. Dr. Price and Andy dive deep into all that
Dr. Price has discovered about motivating “lazy” teens in during
his 20+ years as a clinical psychologist.


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Full show notes



Teens face more pressure today than ever before. At times, it
seems like a teenager’s only path to success comes from a
rigorous schedule of academics, sports, community service, and a
generally overwhelming amount of extracurricular activities. Such
a routine builds tremendous stress in teens—and in their parents.


This can be alarming for parents whose teenagers are “lazy.” It’s
no secret that what kids do in school every year counts toward
their future opportunities. In a society where young people are
expected to be hyperactive achievers, parents with unmotivated
teens worry their teens are doomed to fail – it’s like they don’t
care about anything at all!!! Luckily, there are a variety of
ways to assist parents who don’t know how to motivate lazy
teenagers. That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens
podcast episode, “Laziness Ends Here.”


This week, I spoke with clinical psychologist and former
Associate Director at Family Connections, Dr. Adam Price to
understand exactly how to motivate lazy teenagers. He’s the
author of He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe
in Himself and has published many articles on family and
child therapy in issues of The Wall Street Journal and Family
Circle. With more than 20 years in the practice and a
specialization in adolescent males, Price has seen it all.


Common Causes


Knowing the common causes of uninspired behavior is half the
battle of understanding how to motivate lazy teenagers. To Price,
“lazy” teenage behavior stems from two places:


First, there is the enormous amount of pressure on
teens to always be above-and-beyond average. There are
no longer “late bloomers,” despite a wide array of cognitive
developmental rates in teens. Instead, we now label them as
“underachievers.”


Secondly, because they are made to feel that the stakes are so
high at every stage, parents micromanage; they
attempt to control their teen’s life by taking away the teen’s.


It might seem like the pressure for teens to do well and ending
up with overparenting are almost inevitable realities for
teenagers who can’t seem to kick it into gear. If they shut down
under pressure, then it’s up to their parents to shoulder that
anxiety and make sure their child succeeds. But knowing how to
motivate lazy teenagers counteracts both of these realities.
According to Dr. Price, you can subvert the overwhelming pressure
that your child is feeling and inspire them to get their life
together by holding them accountable for their decisions.


In order to address how to motivate lazy teenagers, Dr. Price
focuses on the role that accountability plays in two major
aspects of your child’s life:
Personal InterestAutonomy

By balancing accountability with these particular features, you
can move your teen to react in accordance with their
responsibilities. During our discussion, Dr. Price walked me
through how to motivate lazy teenagers with comprehensible
examples and scripts that you can apply in your home today!
Here’s just a glimpse of how it works:


Internalizing Motivation


There's a lot of material in school that kids just aren’t
interested in. And who can blame them? Is it particularly
relevant to your life that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of
the cell? Plus, the increased pressure that academics place on
teenagers today can make studying or extracurriculars
extra-daunting. However, when teens have a genuine interest in a
given topic, that is where all their energy is redirected.


In order to understand how to motivate lazy teenagers, you first
need to know what your child is interested. Then you can look for
ways to combine their interests with their responsibilities and
potential career paths. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’s
impossible to get my child excited about math. I don’t even like
math!” Well, instead of trying to get your child excited about
generic textbook material, you can look for things that your
child is already interested! From there, you can try to
extrapolate potential careers and applications of what they’re
learning in school.


You want to know how to motivate lazy teenagers in a way that is
internalized so that their initiative is lasting, and you can be
more hands-off. For example, if your teen holds an interest in
rock-climbing and outdoor activities, you might direct their
awareness to a career in environmental science and preservation.
A good way to frame it is, “If you like spending time outdoors
now, here’s how you can do more of that in the future!”. But make
it clear that in order to find success, they’ll have to do well
in their science classes and get into a good college. This
internalizes their personal interests and motivates them to hold
themselves accountable.


When your teen conflates their personal interests with their
responsibilities, they internalize the reward and are likely to
follow through. Research finds that external rewards like good
grades or even monetary prizes can actually reduce motivation if
they aren’t linked to internal rewards. Personal interests are
actually so transformative that they can negate the mental stakes
of not doing well in school. Instead, they take advantage of your
teens’ ambitions and motivate them to work harder.


Dealing with Consequences


Autonomy is about choices. When your teen makes a decision about
their life, they are exercising control and self-governance.
These choices can include everything from wanting to try out for
the soccer team vs. staying at home to activities like hosting a
sleepover the night before going to church the next morning. So
what can your struggling teen’s autonomy do to help you
understand how to motivate lazy teenagers?


According to Dr. Price, increasing your child’s ability to make
choices can help you discover how to motivate lazy teenagers by
showing them the power of decision making, including neglecting
their responsibilities. So, does this mean you should let your
child do whatever they want? Not exactly. This is where
accountability comes in.


Accountability works with your teen’s autonomy by compelling them
to live with the consequences of their decisions. For example, if
your child decides they want to have a sleepover on a weeknight,
that’s fine. If they can get all their schoolwork done and
properly allocate their time, that’s great! But if they stay up
until 4 am, then you have to hold them accountable by making sure
they go to school the next day and still attend sports practice.


Balancing accountability with your teen’s autonomy is all about
boundaries; these are the limits you place on your child. And
knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers is an evolving process.
When your child is younger, you want their boundaries to be small
enough that you can make sure they don’t get into trouble and
that they can function on their own. As they start to grow into
their teenage years, the boundaries grow ...