Ep 80: The Upside of Messy Teenagers

Tim Harford, author of Messy and accomplished journalist,
economist, and speaker, and I talk about how messiness can play a
positive role in your teen’s (and maybe your) life. Turns out you
can use messes, randomness, and disorganization to enhance your
thoughts and actions, rather than bog you down.


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Full show notes


You stick your head into your kid’s bedroom to see their desk
littered with crumpled papers, gum wrappers, used dishes, worn
books, pens, and chargers. Their bed is unmade, and some of the
pillows are on the floor along with dirty laundry. As far as you
can tell, there’s no rhyme or reason whatsoever. Their room is
the eyesore of the entire house.


It’s no wonder your teen has trouble concentrating! They live in
a state of chaos. You call your child’s name, ready to lay down
the law and command them to clean their room. You want to run a
tight ship, don’t you? It’s only normal for a parent to teach
their children the benefits of cleanliness and tidiness.


But what if this mess isn’t actually a bad sign? When analyzing
the psychology of a disorganized person, it’s very difficult to
discern when your teen’s disorganization indicates distraction
versus productivity. Whenever anyone has their time occupied by
important tasks, such as homework, it can be hard to stay tidy.
Your desk is probably the most cluttered when you have the most
work to do, or your office might be in disarray when it’s crunch
time.


Your teen’s messy room might follow the same pattern! In some
cases, mess could be a sign of creative potential. So how exactly
can you tell when your teen has an acceptable mess and when it’s
actually time for you to step in and help your teen find their
way? What’s going on in the psychology of a disorganized person?


This week I spoke with Tim Harford, accomplished journalist,
speaker, and author, to learn about the psychology of a
disorganized person and get a better idea of how messiness and
disorganization can play a positive role in your teen’s (and
maybe your) life. His book, Messy: The Power of Disorder to
Transform Our Lives, takes a close look at how and when being
untidy might actually be a positive thing!


A Beautiful Mess


Some of the most important, influential, and well respected minds
have been known for their untidiness. For example, Harford points
to great creative minds as diverse as Benjamin Franklin, David
Bowie, Miles Davis, and Michael Crichton and highlights one
common denominator: mess. Often, the most high-achieving
individuals are also the ones with the most pots on the burner.


With so many projects bubbling away, it’s hard to keep everything
in order. This isn’t to say that amazingly creative and
productive people don’t value things like order and cleanliness.
What it does say is that there are so many important and
time-consuming ideas occupying their mental space. Tasks such as
sweeping up or organizing clutter is a mere secondary concern.


Enthusiasm and curiosity are two great traits for accomplishing
goals, but they also make it very hard to keep things tidy.
Something as mundane as tidying up their bedroom isn’t a priority
to them. It might seem like they’re easily distracted but that
isn’t always the case. Being distracted momentarily doesn’t
entail a lack of interest or a lack of care.


The next time you see your teen leaving things half-finished,
they might be taking a break from one project to begin another!
According to the psychology of a disorganized person, being
interested and involved in multiple things is always a great sign
of your teen’s intellectual development. Hartford says that it’s
perfectly reasonable to have a few projects that are a work in
progress. It only becomes a problem when those projects are never
finished.


If your teen has a particularly messy room or if they’re known to
jump from project to project, it’s important for you to foster
the right amount of encouragement and guidance without
overstepping boundaries. Don’t mess with the psychology of a
disorganized person or stifle your teen’s imaginative energy for
the sake of a well-manicured desk or a perfectly-arranged closet.


When it comes to psychology of a disorganized person, it can be
part of their learning experience to adjust and adapt to the
environment around them. It should be up to them to change their
surroundings. Instead of stepping in and telling them when they
should tidy up, let them figure out a schedule for their own
house-keeping duties by themselves. This will self-motivate them
to want to keep an orderly environment.


To understand the psychology of a disorganized person, Hartford
points to the musician Brian Eno. He is known for being an
incredibly productive versatile musical genius, yet, the biggest
irony in his day to day life is that he can’t focus on a specific
task at hand if there’s music playing in the background. Eno’s
passion for sound is so strong that it may seem like he’s
distracted, but he’s intensely in tune with the sounds around
him.


So in order to get work done, Eno doesn’t allow himself to have
music in the background. Details like that are only discovered by
the person themselves. By having an empowered creative space
where he was able to explore his work process, Eno was able to
understand the best environment for him. Who knows? Your teen
might be the next generation’s Eno.


How to Empower Your Teen’s Mess


Hartford cites a study of the psychology of a disorganized person
about “empowered spaces” and “disempowered spaces” and the
difference they can make in creating an environment to work in.
In order to create an empowered space, allow your teen to own it.
This means your teen should be free to have their room as they
please so long as they maintain the space all by themselves.


He tells me about how in his house, the rule after dinner is that
everyone needs to help clean both the dining table and the
kitchen. Although he enforces a tidy kitchen and dining room, he
doesn’t extend that to his kids’ rooms. As Hartford sees it, he
allows his kids to live with the consequences of whatever state
his kids’ rooms may be in.


He won’t dictate how they operate his teens’ rooms. By granting
them their own little space where they are free, that leaves them
in a happier mood. This in turn makes his kids able to follow
stricter rules when it comes to more “public” spaces in the
house, such as the kitchen.


What to do About Continued Messes


Harford cites multiple studies and field experts in our talk
about the psychology of a disorganized person that provides
awesome perspectives on the concept of messiness. For any parents
who are worried that their teens’ mess is getting in the way of
their success, this episode is made for you.


A parent of teenagers himself, Harford uses his research and
expertise on the psychology of a disorganized person to give some
great advice when it comes to applying the concept of messiness
to family life. There’s so much to consider when looking at the
psychology of a messy teen. In our interview about the psychology
of a disorganized person, he teaches me all about how to:


Turn accidents into positive experiences

Creating “empowered” spaces for teens to excel

Cultivating diverse friendships and ...