Ep 85: Reaching Resilience

Lindsey Sealey, girl-advocate and author of the new book Rooted,
Resilient, and Ready, re-joins us to discuss the tips and tricks
from her latest book on raising strong girls, resilient and ready
for the path ahead but firmly rooted in who they are!


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full show notes


The hum of the morning is different today. There is a nervous
electricity in the air, as everyone around the house rushes
through their final checklists. Notebooks and pencils are shoved
into backpack pockets, there’s a frantic rush to cut tags off her
new top, and last she grabs the new phone she got two weeks ago.


It’s the first day of high school, and your teenage daughter is
about to walk into a whole new world of feelings, friendships,
and challenges. On the drive to school, your mind races back to
everything you’ve done while raising a teenage daughter. What
have you done to instill confidence and resilience in your
daughter?


Preparing teenagers for this stage of life is no cakewalk. The
difference between middle school and high school is massive, and
nobody wants their child to walk into a new environment without
any preparation. Teens, especially girls, can become so
vulnerable if they aren’t ready to adapt to the new situations
and challenges of high school. For these reasons, it is crucial
that parents are skilled at raising a teenage daughter.


With these thoughts on my mind, I invited Lindsey
Sealey back to the show. Previously, she guest starred
on Episode 74, where she shared tips and tricks from her book
Growing Strong Girls.


If you don’t know Lindsey, let me tell you about her awesome
experience. Lindsey is an incredible writer, who regularly
contributes to the Huffington Post Canada and Spoke. She has
written two books on parenting teen girls, with the newest being
Rooted, Resilient, and Ready: Empowering Teen Girls As They Grow.


This week, I’m stoked to hear Lindsey share her tips on raising a
teenage daughter. Lindsey is incredibly smart and thoughtful, and
the time she has spent working with teen girls in workshop
environments has given her expertise on raising a teenage
daughter. This week, Lindsey and I discuss everything from the
digital world to mental health.


The Digital Frontier


The rise of social media websites can detract from raising a
teenage daughter. From Snapchat to Instagram and Facebook, anyone
can spend hours on these sites, becoming lost in the
digital world. If your daughter falls into the rabbit
hole of image-driven social media sites, she could lose focus on
what it means to be herself. Raising a teenage daughter who is
only driven by image can cause numerous mental health issues
because of obsessing about images that are unrealistic for many
girls.


There are strategies that parents can use while raising a teenage
daughter to prevent her from losing herself to the image culture
on social media. A good way for parents to approach excessive
social media use by setting limits on apps. While it can be easy
to set limits on apps, it might be trickier for parents to get
teen daughters to agree to adult supervision.


It’s easier to set limits with your daughter beforehand than to
create guidelines after she’s had access to a new phone. One
trick, Lindsey tells me, is to create a contract of expectations
between you and your daughter before she gets her phone. If you
are planning to buy her a new smartphone, have a discussion about
time usage and limits beforehand! Having this conversation before
buying a new phone can help parents raising a teenage daughter
because it is easier to set limits beforehand than to take away
privileges.


Raising your teen daughter with limits on digital life can have a
positive affect on her mental health. Without limits to the
digital frontier, image obsession caused by social media can
seriously detract your teen from living her best life. If mental
health becomes an issue for your daughter, what can parents do to
help?


The Mental Health Scene


One day, you go to pick your daughter up from school but she
seems a little more distant than usual.


In the back of the car, she quietly scrolls through her phone.
You try to engage in conversation, and receive mixed responses.
Strangely, though, it appears that she isn’t interested in
chatting. Once you get home, she drops her school gear and hides
away in her room for the afternoon. What’s going on?


Left alone, thoughts can turn negative, and possibly spiral into
greater problems such as anxiety and depression. Lindsey told me
that engaging in a dialogue around mental health issues is the
best approach a parent can take to improve teen mental health.
The specific strategy she mentioned was the idea of taking a
positivist approach towards mental health issues.


The positivist approach is a good method for parenting a teen
daughter because it allows you the chance to reframe your teen’s
emotional response to a problem.


For example, your teen daughter might be distraught because she
didn’t make the cuts for the school play. A positivist approach
to the situation would be to highlight other opportunities that
your teen daughter can explore now that she has extra time.


Trying to have these conversations won’t be easy, but they will
help in raising a teenage daughter. Sensitive subjects can be
hard to discuss because talking about sadness won’t always make
someone feel happier. Don’t give up! It’s better that you try to
have these conversations as opposed to letting things go unsaid.
In making these attempts, parents can practice raising a daughter
who is grounded emotionally with a strong sense of self-worth.


Additional Tips and Tricks


Raising a teenage daughter can be challenging for parents to
navigate. At the same time, watching your girl grow into a
strong, resilient young woman will be one of the most beautiful
and rewarding things you will witness in your entire life. In
addition to discussing the digital world and mental health,
Lindsey shared her advice with me on a number of other topics
related to raising a teenage daughter, including:


How to help your girl find her “sparkle”

What to do if you don’t like the direction your teen is going

The masks that girls wear

How to connect with your teen in the digital world

5 common lies used as conversation starters



Incredible! Lindsey is such a smart, spoken woman with so much
great advice about raising a teenage daughter. Check out her
book, Rooted, Resilient, and Ready: Empowering Teen Girls As They
Grow for more great info on how to raise your teen daughter. Good
luck, hope you tune in again soon!


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.