Ep 89: The Followers & the Rebels

Michelle Baddeley, author of Copycats and Contrarians, offers a
multidisciplinary look at why a teen goes along with the group
and when they choose instead to rebel. The key to preventing
potentially harmful impulses may lie in a moment of hesitation.


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Full show notes


“I’m not going! Leave without me, I already have plans!” your son
yells at you from his bed. It’s a bright and sunny Saturday, and
you’re loading the car so that the family can spend a night at
your parents’ house. Everyone in the family has known about the
trip for a couple weeks and you can’t wait for your kids to spend
some time with their grandparents. This reaction, however, comes
out of left field. Confused and a little hurt, you try again to
get him up to no avail. The third time you try, he claims that he
never knew about the trip and made plans with his friends to go
to the beach instead.


You relent, leaving him at home as you start the drive to your
parents’ house. Reflecting on the events of the morning, you are
very surprised that your son reacted so angrily. He knew about
the plans to go to his grandparent’s house with the whole family.
It seems bizarre and irrational for him to rebel against the set
plans of the group. Finally, you think if there are any ways to
learn how to handle teenage rebellion so this doesn’t happen
again.


Surprisingly, the answer to your teen’s irrational and rebellious
behavior can be found in the field of economics. The psychology
of economics is strongly rooted in human decision-making skills.
In economics, decisions are made by factoring risk and reward for
a company as they weigh each potential move. Humans make similar
decisions by balancing risk and reward, which is why some people
conform to systems or why others rebel against trends.


This week, my guest is Michelle Baddeley, author
of the book Copycats and Contrarians: Why We Follow Others… and
When We Don’t. Michelle is an expert in behavioral economics at
the University of South Australia, and she has spent much of her
time investigating the correlations between decision-making and
economics. Michelle’s research on group identities and the causes
of conformity and rebellion has given her unique insight on how
to handle teenage rebellion.


The Psychology of “The Herd”


It can be hard to know how to handle teenage rebellion, and even
more challenging to understand why teenagers choose to rebel
against order. The lives of teenagers can be crazy, so why do
they perpetuate their own chaos by rebelling against the system?


The answer for parents, Michelle says, lies in the social
psychology of economics. Michelle mentions something called the
Ingroup/Outgroup Hypothesis that dissects the psychology of how
we form groups. Generally, there are two ways to go about
becoming a member of a group.
Through economic investment in the networkBy forming ingroup
affiliations via the rejection of outgroups

A good example of economic investment towards joining a group is
getting a tattoo. The amount of money spent on a tattoo signals a
commitment to the group, not to mention the permanent effect of
getting a tattoo.


On the other hand, forming ingroup affiliations via the rejection
of outgroups is simply banding together because of a rejection of
other people. For example, your teen son might reject the idea of
spending time with family to spend time with friends. He isn’t
rejecting the family because he doesn’t like you, but he would
rather be a part of the ingroup with his friends than with his
family.


This might make sense, but how does this information help parents
learn how to handle teenage rebellion? Your son spent the last
three weekends hanging with friends. Why doesn’t he ever want to
spend time with his family?


Michelle proceeds to serve up some more hot slices of knowledge.
When the brain makes a decision to follow “the herd,” the
decision is processed through the part of the brain that deals
with negative emotions. Conversely, the brain uses positive
neurological transmissions to transmit ideas that go against “the
herd.”


Essentially, if your son has determined that spending time with
family is part of the “herd mentality” and spending time with
friends is rebellious, then he will feel rewarded when he spends
more time with his friends. In this situation, the idea that he
is being rebellious feeds his positive emotions resulting in
little time spent with family.


Practical Uses


The behavioral information about teen decision-making is good to
know, but how can parents practically apply it when it comes to
dealing with how to handle teenage rebellion?


It might be hard to use this information in the example of the
teen son abandoning the family trip. In a time crunch, it can be
nearly impossible to reason with an argumentative teen. In that
case, it might be best to let him go and do his own thing.


However, knowing about herd psychology can help when it comes to
long-term planning for the next trip to visit the grandparents.
If you’re trying to plan a trip three weeks out, parents can use
their knowledge of behavioral decision-making to structure the
trip at a time when the son doesn’t have too much going on.


One way parents can do this, perhaps, is to make plans after your
teen has a big outing with friends. If you know that they’re
going to a concert one weekend, plan the trip to visit the
grandparents for the week after. Your teen’s friends aren’t
likely to have plans after a big weekend, so that can be an
opportune time to plan a weekend of family fun.


Another way for parents to approach this issue is to notice how
frequently their teen is spending time with friends. If your teen
hangs out with friends for four straight weeks, there’s a chance
they might be a little worn out from the usual teen hijinks.
Perhaps you can position a family outing as a way to “rebel” from
his group of friends and take a break for a weekend.


At the end of the day the best method for a parent trying to
learn how to handle teenage rebellion is to craft a situation in
which their teen feels rewarded for making their choice. It might
be hard to do, but it is possible to get your teen to make a
decision that rewards them and is what you want them to do.


Michelle’s Skills


This interview is packed with life-saving tips and tricks for how
to handle teenage rebellion, here are just a few examples from
the episode.


One method Michelle mentions for how to handle teenage rebellion
is to have a discussion. Building a conversation about
rebelliousness will help both teenagers and parents understand
where each is coming from. By giving space to have a discussion
about rebellious behavior, both parents and teens will understand
the other’s views and have the opportunity to make choices that
respect each other.


By opening up a conversation on how to handle teenage rebellion,
parents will also have the chance to give the floor to their
teens. Michelle mentions a story to me about a friend of hers who
had teenagers that really wanted a dog. The parents were
skeptical because a dog can be a lot of work for teenagers to
manage on top of school and extracurricular activities.