Ep 96: Getting Over the Awkwardness to Talk About Sex

Cindy Pierce, author of Sexploitation and Sex, College, and
Social Media, brings her immense knowledge and humorous vibes to
this week’s episode. Porn is wreaking havoc on our teens’ sexual
development, but, fortunately, Cindy has ways parents can help
undo the deleterious effects.


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Full show notes


Talking to teens about sex is one of the hardest things to do as
a parent. Initiation discussion about the birds and the bees can
be very confusing, messy, and just plain awkward! Not only that,
but teenagers can be very resistant to opening up and talking
about sex even if they have questions and want clarification on
the subject.


No matter how uncomfortable or difficult talking to your teenager
about sex and relationships is, it’s a crucial part of helping
your child to grow up happy and healthy. Kids today are exposed
to sexual content from a very young age, with the internet
providing an infinite amount of pornographic content. While
knowing about sex from a young age is ok, kids should be learning
the facts from an educational, honest source rather than porn.
The porn industry, more concerned with making money than
protecting the minds and hearts of young people, often portrays
sex as degrading, violent, and often not even consensual.


Sound terrifying? I’m scared too! That’s why I’m sitting down
with Cindy Pierce in today’s episode. Cindy is the author of
several different books that tell you how to talk to teens about
sex: Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a
Porn-Driven World and Sex, College, and Social Media: A
Commonsense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture. She also
travels around to schools across the country to educate
teenagers, parents, and college students about sex.


She reveals fascinating and shocking things about how kids today
are learning about sex as well as great tips to master talking to
teens about sex. Cindy also shines light on a lot of the
questions teenage and college aged people have about sex,
relationships, and porn.


For example, she reveals that in her experience, most kids in the
modern day are exposed to sex and even pornography by the age of
9. This is why one of Cindy’s biggest tips for parents is to
start talking to your teenager about sex and relationships from
as young as ages 5-7. This doesn’t have to be a full briefing,
but instead a safe, simple explanation about biology and the
reasons why people decide to copulate.


It may seem a little early to start talking to teens about sex,
but it’s easy for children to be exposed to porn and be confused
and manipulated from a young age. We want our kids to understand
that sex is meant to be between two consenting adults who care
about one another and communicate effectively. Instead, they may
begin to believe that the degrading and often violent sex they
see in porn is the same as real life sex--and we know it’s not.


By talking to teens about sex and relationships early, you’re
also establishing an important connection with your kids that
lasts, a certain trust. It helps you open up a safe space to talk
about complicated subjects. Then, as they grow up and begin to
experience the myriad of problems that comes with growing up,
they’ll know they can come to you for advice and that golden
parental wisdom instead of the internet.


Nervous about initiating discussion? Wondering how to talk to
your teenager about pornography without saying the wrong thing ?
Cindy also shares some tips for how to make sure that when you
give the talk, you give it right. One thing she recommends is
vulnerability. It’s easy to feel pressure to be a perfect parent,
but you’re only human. It’s much healthier and more productive to
talk openly about your experiences and be honest when you don’t
know all the answers.


Although it would be nice if there was a secret to success when
it comes to talking to teenager about sex and realtionships,
there’s no one way to approach your child about these topics.
This is because all children are different, with different
personalities, fears, and interests. Every kid is unique, and
struggles with their own complicated relationship with intimacy
and sexuality.


Cindy speaks on the idea that talking to teens about sex is one
that continues to evolve over time, not a static event. Instead
of one specific instance in which the two of you sit down to
discuss it all, the “talk” is really a shifting conversation
which changes as your teenager grows. Keep communicating, keep up
the dialogue about how to have safe, consenual sex to ensure that
your teen develops and maintains a healthy relationship with the
subject.


Speaking of changes, one of the biggest shifts in a teenager’s
life is their transition into college life--and this transition
includes new sexual experiences. College hookup culture creates a
confusing environment for many young adults as they enter
university.


This confusion and chaos is often the catalyst for, as Cindy puts
it in the episode, below average sex. This means sex that is
completed without trust, without communication, and often,
without condoms! That’s why we need to be talking to teens about
sex on a regular nasis and educating them about how to maintain
self respect and sexual health while in college.


Cindy breaks down how this hook up culture during the early years
of college is largely motivated by the need for high social
status. With the addition of social media to the lives of young
people, status and image has become more significant than ever
for college students. Part of this image is who you decide to
sleep with. This means that students are motivated to hook up
with other students to garner respect from their peers, rather
than to share an intimate, fun experience with someone they care
about.


According to Cindy’s research, most college students actually
report that they dislike hook up culture. Although it may seem
like a convenient, no strings attached way to futile one’s
physical need for intimacy, it can lead to a lot of traumatizing
experiences, emotional damage, and, quite simply, unenjoyable
sex. Often times communication between the two individuals is
poor, leading to the lines of consent becoming blurred, the
status of the relationship to be confusing and the sex to be bad.


Instead of promoting this kind of sexual experience, Cindy
emphasizes the idea of happier, healthier sex that involves trust
and consnent By listening to her ideas about how young people can
form positive sexual habits, we can teach our kids about how to
communicate better with their partners and keep themselves from
getting hurt.


In the episode we cover:


The most awkward question to expect from your teen

Just how financially powerfully the porn industry is

What the impact of Covid-19 is on teen and college hook up
culture

A myriad of internet resources for teens and kids of all ages
to learn about sex

The importance of teaching about pleasure

Why teens and young men are suffering from erectile
dysfunction despite their youth



Having "the talk" is already a daunting task for many parents--it
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conversation. However for our teens healthy development into a
full adult, having ongo...