Ep 107: Only 7% of Parents Do This...

Megan Maas, PhD, award-winning researcher at Michigan State
University, leads us through the latest reports on pornography
use among adolescents. Andy learns only 7% of parents have talked
to their teens about porn.


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Full show notes


When it comes to having hard conversations with teenagers,
talking about pornography is often one of the most awkward and
unprecedented topics to cover. It feels so private, so
uncomfortable to bring up….especially with your own child! It’s
ever so tempting to just skip the conversation altogether. It’s
not that likely that your teen is watching porn….right?


Quite the contrary. In fact, recent research indicates that about
90% of boys and 60% of girls today are exposed to porn before the
age of 17. Not only that, but about a third of teenagers say they
watch porn regularly, on a weekly or monthly basis. In contrast,
only about 7% of parents have talked to their teenagers about
pornography. And with modern pornography becoming more and more
exploitative of both it’s stars and it’s viewers, teens could be
at risk of viewing some seriously dark stuff--and getting into
some frightening patterns.


That’s why we have the brilliant Megan Maas on the podcast this
week. She’s a seasoned sex educator and researcher of adolescent
psychology, and focuses a lot of her energy on helping teenagers
and parents become more comfortable with talking about
pornography and it’s effects. She’s here to chat all about how to
start those hard conversations about porn--and explain why
they’re so important.


In the episode, Megan dives into why porn is becoming more and
more frightening for young people, the possible effects of
watching too much porn as a teen, and how we can strike up those
talks about porn we might be dreading.


When Porn Becomes Problematic


Since we rarely talk about porn--and usually experience it behind
closed doors--we might not see it as a widespread phenomenon.
However, if we look at statistics about internet usage, we find
that the popular pornography website, Pornhub, recieves more
traffic than Amazon, Netflix, and Twitter combined. Almost thirty
percent of the content that exists online can be classified as
pornography...meaning that there’s more porn on the internet than
any of us could ever live long enough to watch!


With all that porn available to viewers, companies that produce
pornogrpahy have had to take new measures to get views, and these
measures aren’t exactly the most positive for performers or our
teens. In order to compete for clicks, companies are more likely
to make videos increasingly risque and shocking. This kind of
porn is what we want to keep teens from watching, porn that
disregards the idea of consent, respect, and pleasure in sexual
intimacy.


Although there is porn out there that isn’t necessarily damaging,
porn that shows healthy sexual activity between consenting
partners, these videos are often mixed in with or buried under
much more toxic and disturbing material.


You might be thinking that the easiest solution is to download
software to block porn sites on your teen’s computer, or punish
them for watching these videos. However, these restrictions might
only make the problem worse, Megan warns. In the episode, she
discusses how trying to keep teens from watching porn together
may only cause them to become more interested in watching it--and
internalizing what they see.


In addition to tackling toxic porn, Megan also touches on another
important concern--what might happen if your teen develops a porn
addiction?


The Effects of Too Much Porn


We know it’s natural for teens to develop sexual urges after
puberty, and that they may be attracted to porn occasionally when
seeking sexual arousal, but when should we be concerned about the
quantity of porn they consume?


In the episode, Megan and I discuss some common questions
surrounding excessive porn use among teenagers. Does watching
exessive pornography from a young age make teens more inclined to
sexual violence? Does porn replace the need for actual sexual
activity if it’s consumed too heavily?


Megan shares knowledge from her own research as well as other
studies to talk about how porn affects the teenage brain. She
discusses why it is exactly thar teens are having less sex these
days than they used to--a phenomenon often falsely attributed to
teens’ porn consumption.


She also equates pornography with fast food: although it can be
enjoyable and convenient, it can also have damaging effects if
too consumed too much. Megan and I talk in more depth about how
this idea can extend past the sphere of pornography to incoporate
other areas of modern teenage life. Does social media replace
teens' need for actual socialization? Tune in to hear what Megan
has to say about how today’s technology affects teen behavior all
around


But back to the topic at hand. You know the dangers that
pornography can pose to your teen, and it’s time to educate them
to ensure they traverse the internet safely. We know starting
that conversation isn’t easy, but Megan is here to help.


Talking to Your Teen About Pornography


When sitting your teen down to discuss this potentially awkward
subject, just remember: it’s totally natural for any teen to be
interested in pornography. Although pornography as we know it
developed in the mid twentieth century with photography and
videography becoming more and more accessible over time, erotica
and erotic images have existed in every civilization since the
beginning of time. Megan suggests entering the conversation with
the mindset that all teenagers are likely experiencing newfound
sexual urges and that these feelings are simply a product of
biology.


Since it’s likely that teens are going to be encountering porn
regardless of what you say, Megan explains how you can give your
teen a comprehensive run-down of the things they should be
looking out for when choosing what porn to watch. Porn that
features consent, protection, and mutual pleasure are the ones
teenagers should be watching, if they choose to watch any, says
Megan.


Instead of just having one big talk about sex and pornography,
Megan suggests having many small talks over time, starting early
and continuing indefinitely. By frequently checking in on your
teenager’s sexual health and development, you can ensure that
they’re remaining safe and secure in their own body. Having an
open line of communication can help you build trust with your
teen, meaning they’re more likely to clue you in when something’s
wrong.


Overall, the important thing is to remind your teen that they are
valuable, smart, and have control over their own mind and body.
By teaching them to think critically about porn and their own
sexual preferences, you are allowing them to have agency over
their own sexual choices, instead of shame or confusion.


In the Episode...


On top of addressing possible concerns that you might have about
your teen’s porn consumption and giving tips for starting
conversations about responsible porn use with your teen, Megan
and I discuss:


How young people learn through observation

What we can do to turn our sex education in a more positive
direction

How abstinence education might be damaging to your teen

Why stigmatizing sex in your house...