Ep 117: The Warrior Challenge For Kinder, More Courageous Teens

John Beede, author of The Warrior Challenge, sheds light on how
to help instill values of kindness, courage, and grit in our
young people. Plus, how to approach masculinity in a healthy way
that benefits everyone.


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Full show notes


When your kids have moved out and are facing the world every day
on their own, you won’t be there to tell them how to act–they’ll
have to rely on their values. As a parent, leaving your kid with
principles to live by can be a critical part of raising decent,
self sufficient individuals! If we can help kids prioritize
kindness, respect, responsibility and honesty, we give them the
key to a bright future.


But how do we teach values to our kids in a way that sticks? Even
when we know what exactly we want to teach to them, how can we
get them to listen? Teens might not want to hear your opinion,
and even if they do, it can be difficult to really show them how
positive values create a better life. When it really comes down
to it, imparting the right principles on kids feels just about as
hard as making it to the top of Mount Everest!


Luckily, today we’re talking to somebody who has made it to the
top of Everest. He’s also been struck by lightning, swam with
great white sharks, survived an attack from a five foot
iguana...and has a lot of insight when it comes to raising
resilient teens with strong values. His name is John Beede, and
he’s the author of The Warrior Challenge: 8 Quests for Boys to
Grow Up With Kindness, Courage and Grit.


John speaks to share how his character and values have allowed
him to accomplish amazing things–and teach how teens that they
can do the same. In our interview we’re talking about how
teenagers can be more comfortable being vulnerable, shed toxic
friendships in favor of healthy ones, and harness the power of
grit to accomplish anything they set their minds to.


The Value of Vulnerability


It can be tough for anyone to talk about their feelings,
especially young people and especially young men. In our society,
there’s often a pervading mentality that we need to power through
hard times on our own without accepting help. However, if we want
to raise kids who can be happy and healthy on their own, John
stresses how important it is to encourage kids to be vulnerable
about their feelings–and value their own mental health


To demonstrate what he means, John shares a story in our
interview about a deeply disturbing encounter he had while
climbing Mount Everest. The incident left him with trauma, which
he buried deep down in order to be “strong”. Over time, however,
he began to feel haunted by the experience despite his repeated
attempts to suppress it. In the episode, he shares the powerful
moment that made him realize that it was time for him to seek
some therapy.


Once he was able to get the help he needed, John realized how
important it was to incorporate the value of vulnerability to his
teachings. It takes a lot of courage, he says, but it can do
wonders for teens to speak about how they feel. This can include
sharing more of their emotions with friends and family or in a
more serious case, speaking to a trained professional.


This idea can bleed into things like conflict resolution; if
teens are able to express their feelings, they’ll be better off
when it comes to things like setting boundaries. In the episode,
John and I talk more about how teens can learn to express when
they’re feeling sad, mad, or scared to create healthier
relationships.


This isn’t all John has to say about how practicing the right
values can lead to more fulfilling relationships, however.
There’s lots more in the episode about ditching toxic friendships
to make room for positive, gainful ones.


Cutting Ties to Toxic People


When it comes to helping your kid develop strong values, there’s
a lot of power in who they align themselves with. If they
surround themselves with those who lift them up and help them
become their best selves, they’ll be able to take on the world
with confidence in who they are and what they believe in.


In our interview, John shares the three part checklist every teen
should use when deciding whether or not to allow someone into
their inner circle. This includes picking people who push them to
reach their full potential, making sure friends have their back
through thick and thin, and rejecting anyone who doesn’t respect
whatever boundaries your teen chooses to set.


John also speaks extensively on how teens can detect and eject
toxic individuals from their lives to create a happier existence.
To do this, John suggests teens embark on some personal
reflection to consider how friends or significant others make
them feel. Does your teen feel like they’ve changed for the worse
as a result of being friends with this person? Is your teen no
longer interested in things they used to love since they began
allowing this person to take up significant amounts of time in
their life?


When teens are able to ask these questions, they can make
progress towards surrounding themselves only with people who make
them feel great. And when they feel great, they’ll become
stronger, more capable people–people who embody John’s definition
of grit.


What “Grit” Really Means


The word “grit” appears in the title of John’s book, so it’s
clearly an important value he hopes to impart on the youth.
However, when it comes to defining what grit actually means,
John’s opinion differs from some. While others might see it as
continuously (and stubbornly) pursuing the same method until they
succeed at the task at hand, John believes grit comes down
thinking outside the box and stepping outside of what’s
comfortable.


As Einstein once said, repeating the same thing over and over and
expecting different results is the definition of insanity!
Instead, John says grit comes down to knowing when it's time to
switch things up and try something new. If you’ve been trying to
confront your teen about a specific topic to no avail, it might
be time to go to a teacher, therapist, or other mentor. If your
teen is struggling to pass their history class, don’t give up!
Maybe there’s a tutor or an online resource out there for them
you may not be considering.


John explains that another valuable component of grit is
remaining present. It’s so easy to backtrack and waste energy
thinking about the past or analyzing the future, but if your teen
really wants to battle their demons and accomplish their wildest
dreams, they’ll have to first take on what’s right in front of
them.


In our interview, John shares some stories from real life heroes
who exemplified the true meaning of grit to embrace seemingly
insurmountable odds and come out on top. When it comes to values,
teens might not know who they are yet. By listening to positive
voices like John’s (and their parents, of course), they can
become stronger individuals who live by their own principles.


In the episode…


John’s brilliant, adventurous spirit shines through this week as
he shares his advice for imparting values on teens. On top of the
ideas mentioned above, we discuss


Why it’s important to talk to teens about pornography

How you can help your teen develop “infinity muscles”

What to do wh...