Ep 120: The #1 Reason Teens Turn to Tech...

Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable and Hooked and former lecturer
at Stanford University, offers new insight into why teens get so
“addicted” to technology. Nir suggests the problem might not be
as insurmountable as we thought and has a method for how to
become indistractable.


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Full show notes


It’s so frustrating when kids seem infinitely more invested in
their Fortnite match than the stack of homework sitting on their
desk, or intent on binging Emily in Paris when they should be
practicing their violin! In our modern world, where technology
surrounds us, it seems that we’re all prone to getting caught up
in all the distractions offered by our devices. We know our kids
are smart and capable–if only they grew up in a world with no
social media or streaming sites...right?


Although it’s tempting, blaming our kids’ tendency towards
distractions on technology isn’t going to get us anywhere. Even
when we take their phones away and limit their access to facebook
and Instagram, it seems that they still get distracted, still
procrastinate, still don’t put in their full effort! There’s got
to be a better way.


Today we’re talking to the brilliant Nir Eyal, author of
Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your
Life and Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products. Along with
teaching business at Stanford University and prospering as an
entrepreneur, Nir has written widely on how people become hooked
by technology, highlighting what exactly it is keeps us coming
back for more. In our interview, he talks specifically about how
parents can help kids dodge the technological distractions they
so often fall prey to.


In Nir’s eyes, the ability of young folks to free themselves from
distraction is the key to a successful future. So how can we help
kids get there? The answer is a lot more complicated than just
simply limiting their technology use. It involves digging deeper
into what’s triggering the technology use in the first place...


Understanding Internal Triggers


When we think of the word “distraction”, we tend to think of
noises or sights around us that make it hard to concentrate.
While these are certainly part of our inability to focus, Nir
shines light on what he believes are the most potent forces of
distraction: our anxiety, boredom, dread, and confusion. Nir
defines these as “internal triggers”, differentiating them
from”external triggers" like the beeping of a car alarm or TV
playing the news in the background.


These internal triggers are too often left out of the
conversation when discussing distraction! As parents, it can be
tempting to blame our kids’ concentration issues on circumstance
or believe that we’re simply helpless when it comes to rebuking
the distractions of tech. In reality, the solution to the problem
lies in dealing with whatever it is kids are struggling with
internally.


This use of procrastination to deal with bigger internal problems
is similar to drowning out emotional issues with drugs or
alcohol, Nir says. It’s not alcohol that drives alcoholism, it’s
the emotional conflict or inner turmoil of the alcoholic that
causes their unhealthy behavior. The same goes for technology, he
explains. We overuse and find distraction when we’re trying to
avoid dealing with feelings we’d rather push away.


So if your kid is a procrastinator, don’t worry–it’s not a
character flaw, Nir emphasizes. Teens just need to learn to
process whatever negative emotion they might be feeling. If they
can get to the bottom of what’s keeping them productivity, they
can begin to tackle the task at hand. In the episode, Nir talks
more about how you can help teens deal with these deeper issues,
instead of just placing restrictions on their tech use and hoping
things will get better.


Why Teens Go Online When They’re Unhappy Offline


You might be wondering, what unpleasant feelings might be acting
as internal triggers for my kid? Nir breaks down three main
things kids need to be happy, and explains how they often look to
the online landscape when they can’t get these things in real
life.


The first thing kids need is to feel competent. Unfortunately,
this feeling is hard for kids to achieve in our modern day school
system, Nir says. Nowadays, kids are always being subjected to
test after test, a process which tends to make them feel pretty
incompetent. But when they’re on Minecraft building fantastical
structures, winning a game of Super Smash Brothers or watching
their Instagram post rake in the likes, they suddenly feel that
competence they desire! If we want kids to stop seeking approval
online, we need to make sure they’re getting it in real life, Nir
says.


Teenagers also need autonomy, Nir explains, another thing they’re
often not given nowadays. Teens are always being told where to
go, how to dress, what to think, who they can and can’t talk
to...the list goes on. When they go online, however, they’re able
to do whatever they wish, basically unsupervised. They’re free to
create, vent and explore! If teens felt as though they were able
to have such freedom offline, they likely wouldn’t be so
distracted by the online world.


Finally, Nir explains how teens need relatedness–they need to
understand others and feel understood. Unfortunately, even before
the pandemic, kids in today’s world were more isolated than ever
before. Nir notes that kids were once free to run around and play
together, but now their schedules are full with math classes and
flute lessons instead. Kids need to be around each other,
however, leading them to seek the companionship they need online.


In the episode, Nir and I discuss how you can mitigate these
problems to create a child who has a healthy relationship with
the internet. Once you teach kids to handle their emotions and
get a grip on their internal triggers, they’ll be one step closer
to defeating distraction. We’re not done. however. Nir’s got a
few extra tips on what to do once you’ve got those internal
triggers in the bag.


Other Tips To Tackle Distractions


A big part of avoiding distraction is time management. Nir
emphasizes the idea of making time for “traction”...the opposite
of “distraction!” This means structuring your time around
achieving your goals and becoming the person you hope to be. A
lot of time, we fall victim to distraction because we don’t
harness and direct our energy in productive ways.


If we schedule our time, we can set aside moments for focus, as
well as moments for fun. Nir emphasizes the importance of
dedicating a separate block of time to play games or watch
Netflix. If there’s forethought involved, kids can keep
themselves from playing for hours. In addition, by being aware of
when and how much they’ll play, teens keep themselves from
getting distracted by thoughts of playing, Nir explains.


Nir talks about how another really important factor in focus is
sleep! Technology often plays a part in keeping kids from getting
all the rest they need at night. This can cause some serious
physiological and mental health issues! Nir says it’s probably
not a good idea for teens to have cellphones with them as they’re
falling asleep, or to have TVs in their room–these things will
keep them from peac...