Ep 122: Why Teens Rage and What To Do About It

R. Doug Fields, author of Why We Snap and Electric Brain, shares
insight from the field of neuroscience on why as evolved as we
are, parents and teens still snap at each other. Plus, what new
research in the field of brain waves could mean for our kids in
the future.


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Full show notes



You’ve been asking your teenager to unload the dishwasher for
days, only to be brushed off everytime. One day, you decide that
enough is enough–your teen has lost the privilege of having their
phone until they unload it. You announce this to your teen,
explaining with a perfect sense of calm why this has to
happen….but suddenly, your teen flies off the handle! Furious,
they hurl insults, exclaim protestations, and then refuse to come
out of their room. Why are they getting so worked up over such a
small event?


It turns out that this response is a part of a complicated
evolutionary brain mechanism, one intended to keep us safe...but
can sometimes misfire. It comes down to how we’re wired to face
threats, whether we’re being followed down a dark alley or
getting into an intense facebook fight! Understanding how this
mental system works can help teens from making some impulsive
mistakes–and help parents stay cool when arguments with teens
heat up.


This week we’re sitting down with neuroscientist Dr. R. Douglas
Fields, author of Why We Snap: Understanding the Rage Circuit in
Your Brain and Electric Brain: How the New Science of Brainwaves
Reads Minds, Tells Us How We Learn, and Helps Us Change for the
Better. Dr. Fields is a leading researcher in the field of brain
science, studying everything from experimental usage of brain
waves to developmental psychology. Today, we’re talking about
aggression: why it comes so suddenly, how it affects our body,
and what we can do about it.


Why Aggression Appears


Dr. Fields became fascinated by the brain’s aggressive response
when he found himself being attacked by a gang on the Barcelona
subway. While he and his daughter were in the station, he felt
someone grasp for his wallet. Instantly, he was able to grab the
perpetrator and tackle him to the ground, putting him in a
chokehold. With no martial arts training, and no exceptional
athleticism….how in the world was Dr. Fields able to accomplish
such an astounding physical feat??!


Asking himself that same question, Dr. Fields embarked on a
research journey to understand how the body is able to perceive
threats and react accordingly. It turns out, this response is
deeply unconscious, monitored by the same mechanisms that our
brain uses to regulate hunger and thirst.


Since this response is hard-wired in our brains, intended to keep
us alive, Dr Fields says it’s pointless to tell an upset teen to
just “calm down”. In fact, that will likely make the situation
worse. Instead, Dr. Fields suggests educating your teen on why a
situation is firing them up, and prompt them to consider if it’s
worth acting on their angry impulses. If someone flips your teen
off in traffic,of course they’re going to get upset. But is it
worth yelling back and cutting this person off, risking their own
safety? Likely not! Having these discussions with teens can keep
them from making decisions they regret.


While adults struggle with aggressive responses just like teens
do, teens are not as capable of regulating their response, says
Dr. Fields. In the episode, he discusses how teens’ have brains
that aren’t quite developed enough to control their angry
impulses. He shares how you can help a teen learn the importance
of self control.


When it comes to handling danger, there are certain factors that
affect the nature of our reaction. Dr. Fields dives into what
these factors are, and why they’re so important to understanding
aggressive impulses.


The Significance of Sex


There are four main influences that affect the body’s response to
a perceived threat: our genetic makeup, our childhood
experiences, brain damage (from sources like injury or drugs),
and, most importantly, our gender. While it’s important to
consider our level of impairment (we all know alcohol can make us
a little more inclined to impulsivity) and the nature of our
upbringing, Dr. Fields says the number one force that indicates
our level of rage is our sex.


Why is this so? Dr. Fields explains that the answer comes down to
the bilateral nature of our brain! When women are encountered
with a threat, the response takes place in the left side of the
brain, where we process smaller details and analyze the situation
at hand. When a large man brushes a bit too aggressively against
a woman in a bar, she’s not likely to incite violence against
him–she’s smart enough to know that’s a battle she can’t win.


If a man finds himself in a similar situation, he’s much more
likely to get rough with the other fellow, because his reaction
to danger is processed on the right side of the brain, explains
Dr. Fields. This means he’s thinking more about the big picture,
and guided by his emotions. He’s not analyzing how this guy will
come at him when they get into a fight, he’s acting out of fury!
This is why 95% of all people in prison for violent crimes are
men.


The difference in response between the two genders comes down to
mating, says Dr. Fields. Women examine mates for prospects,
analyzing their qualities, while men are driven to mates by
beauty or their visceral response to the other person. In the
episode, Dr. Fields gets into how women funnel their violent
impulses into indirect action, such a s gossip or self harm.
Beyond just gender, Dr. Fields breaks down why certain things
trigger an aggressive response, and how our threshold for
becoming triggered can become lower from chronic stress


Stress and Social Rank


Among most mammals, status among the pack is essential to
survival...and humans are no different. Status in our society is
tied to wealth and access to resources. That’s why office
politics can elicit a rage response from us–we’re triggered by
the threat to our status, and therefore our stability. When teens
fight with somebody on Twitter, their place in the hierarchy is
being threatened in a similar way, causing them to get angry.


Contributing to this is the effect of prolonged stress. If a
person is feeling anxious or expected to perform under pressure
for a long period of time, their threshold for an impulsive,
rage-fueled response is significantly lower. When your teen is
about to overflow from managing school, sports, and their social
life, they’re likely to blow up when you take their phone away.


In the episode, Dr Fields explains that before he was robbed in
Barcelona, he had faced a few other threats of robbery in the
preceding days, This meant that his body was on higher alert, his
brain circuitry changed to be more responsive. He believes this
prolonged stress is the reason he was able to defend himself
against the perpetrator with a crazy amount of physical strength!


When it comes to responding with anger, educating a teen about
why their body reacts the way it does can keep them from making
dangerous mistakes and getting hurt. By talking to your teen
about the brain science behind facing perceived threats, you can
help them move thro...