Ep 130: Creating Confident Kids

Lydia Fenet, author of The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is
You, talks about the top skills young people need to become
confident, successful adults who can command any room they walk
into--or at least, how they can shine in their own strength. One
key? Practice failing...a lot!


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full show notes


Teenagers are inclined to worry about everything—the phones they
have, the clothes they wear, the clique they belong to. They
think everything they do will give others a reason to judge them.
And unfortunately these insecurities prevent teens from achieving
their goals. They’re so afraid of judgement and failure that
they’d rather not try at all.


As a parent who was once a teen, you can’t help but empathize
with them. There may have been a myriad of opportunities you’ve
missed out on in your teens because you were too afraid to try
them. But the lifetime of experiences you’ve had since your youth
has taught you that the things you were afraid of then were
miniscule in comparison to the much scarier things you’d
eventually accomplish in life. It’s hard to watch your child hold
themselves back from things you know they are capable of.


In this episode, Lydia Fenet, author of the book The Most
Powerful Woman in the Room is You: Command an Audience and Sell
Your Way to Success, offers parents advice on raising confident,
successful teenagers who know how to command a room. The lead
Benefit Auctioneer at Christie’s Auction House in New York City,
Lydia knows exactly how it feels to be on top and how to fail!
From her own personal success and challenges, Lydia has
discovered the top lessons we can teach teens to set them up for
success: value of a dollar, the perks of being a good loser, and
the secret to successful negotiation.


Failing with Grace


Say your teen wants to audition for the school musical—as a
freshman. Sure they’ve been taking singing lessons for a year,
and they played elf number 3 in their Christmas play, but you’re
pretty sure they aren’t going to get in. So should you just be
honest with them and say “honey, I just don’t want you to get
your hopes up.” Lydia says no! Discouraging your kids from trying
new things, even if they end up failing, is the best way to stunt
their curiosity for life.


Lydia shares how she auditioned for her boarding school choir two
years but never got in. She was also on a basketball team that
lost every single game for four years straight. What did she take
away from all this? That losing isn’t half bad. In fact, it’s a
part of life that teens should get used to. Lydia believes in
encouraging kids to try new things without the pressure to excel.
If they end up failing, so what? They’ll see that failing isn’t
half bad. In fact, failing is just a step on their way to finding
what they love. Failing is a character-building exercise for
teens to become more humble and well rounded.


Shameless Plugs


Lydia believes that no one can tell you what you’re good at
better than you can. That being said, she recognizes that the
confidence to sell yourself to people isn’t instinctive in your
teen years. Lydia discusses how in our society, we are taught to
shy away from boasting about our skills and accomplishments. That
anyone who goes against this is deemed arrogant or ostentatious.
This particularly applies to women in the workplace, who are
often taught to be meek when making salary requests.


Lydia calls for an abolishment of these self-effacing tendencies.
When your teen is in an afterschool club and the advisor asks “Is
there anyone who specializes in [insert skill that they happen to
kick ass in]?”, they should be the first to raise their hand.
Why? Because the early bird gets the worm. Being too humble can
get in the way of countless opportunities. The pick of the litter
doesn’t go to the person who’s most capable. It goes to the
person who’s most willing to put themselves out there. Lydia
urges parents to teach their teens to freely share what makes
them special. To tell people “Yes, I am the 1st string wide
receiver on the varsity football team. Yes, I am taking 4 AP
classes. Yes, I am fluent in two languages.”


It’s not bragging, it’s sharing what they’re most proud of. And
doing so can bring them opportunities they’d never imagine. Your
teen has worked too hard at building their college resume to not
take advantage of opportunities to flex their skills. It doesn’t
make them a show off or attention hog. It makes them a valuable
asset to whatever club, team, or person they’re offering their
skills to.


You Are What You Negotiate


Lydia encourages parents to teach teens about finances and money
at an early age. Lydia does this with her own teens by pointing
out costs at the grocery store and encouraging them to save up
for items they really want. The point is to show her kids that
everything in this world costs money. If teens never have to work
for what they want because their parents will just buy it for
them, they’ll never fully comprehend the value of a dollar.


Lydia resents people's tendency to undervalue themselves when
asking for a raise. She particularly resents that the gender wage
gap exists partially because women are taught to be apologetic
when asking for raises. This apologetic mindset is programmed at
an early age and can be prevented when parents intervene. Lydia
insists that parents of teenage girls teach them to be confident
when asking for things. When you teach your daughters to be
thoroughly prepared and unemotional going into a negotiation,
you’ve raised their chances of getting the wage they deserve.


To drive this point home, Lydia shares a story of when she
started an auction bid at $100,000. Nobody in the room responded
to the starting bid and she was absolutely mortified. But instead
letting her insecurities affect her, Lydia improvised by saying
“A girls gotta ask.” She was able to get a chuckle out of the
audience and resume the auction unphased. The takeaway from this
tale is that embarrassment and failure are never as bad as you
think it’ll be. If you prepare your teens for the awkward and
unsuccessful moments that’ll inevitably happen in life, they’ll
be more willing to put themselves out there. Gracefully dealing
with these misfortunes will bring them more confidence and urge
them to dive into new pursuits fearlessly.


In the Episode...


I had a wonderful time speaking with the extraordinarily
charismatic Lydia Fenet for this week's episode. Her experience
rising in the ranks to become the busiest auctioneer in America
is inspiring for adults and teens alike. I truly appreciated her
willingness to share insightful tips on raising teens that are
confident, capable, and independent.


In this week's episode we also discuss…


Public Speaking and Building an Onstage Persona

How to Slide into the DMs of Important People

How to Have a Memorable and Successful Job Interview

Fighting Stage Fright

Tips for Effective Networking



Thank you Lydia for taking time away from your busy schedule to
offer insightful advice for parents. Please enjoy as you learn
how to raise your teens confidence and teach them to command a
room.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit