Ep 135: Fractured Families

Karl Pillemer, author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How
to Mend Them explains how seemingly small disagreements can grow
to jeopardize relationships, and what parents of teens should
know about patching up arguments and preventing permanent damage.





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Full Show Notes


We have arguments with our teens about little things
everyday–what to have for dinner, whether they can take the car
out, what they’re wearing to school that day, et, etc. And
although these skirmishes can seem small, they tend to add up.
Suddenly, you tell your teen to put away their shoes one day, and
they’re screaming at you, saying you’re ruining their life. It’s
not the shoes that have them hysterical, it’s the cumulative
effect of all the little disagreements over time!



Most of the time when these fights erupt, no one wants to
apologize first. Distance can grow between the two of you. You
become more and more certain that YOU were right and the OTHER
person was acting crazy. You find other people who agree with
you, and you stop questioning yourself. Then things just get
worse until you find your relationship permanently damaged. In
serious cases, you might even find yourself estranged from your
kid. 



To understand how we can handle these Earth-shaking arguments
with grace and prevent a deep rift from forming, we’re talking to
Karl Pillemer, author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How
to Mend Them.  Karl’s a sociologist who’s been researching
estrangement between family members for years. He’s become
acutely aware of how seemingly small disagreements can grow to
jeopardize relationships.



In our interview, Karl and I break down what parents of teens
should know about patching up arguments and preventing permanent
damage. We dive into what you should do when you and your teen
have disputes over values or lifestyle choices. We also talk
about what leads family members to become alienated from one
another, and how you can keep your teen from shutting you out.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.