Ep 137: A Different Way to Talk About Puberty

Michelle Mitchell, author of A Girl’s Guide to Puberty and A
Guy’s Guide to Puberty, shares her top tips preparing young
people for puberty. Rather than cringing at the awkwardness,
Michelle suggests we can embrace body changes as the beautiful
part of life they are!


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Full show notes


Puberty is a pretty intense experience for both teens and
parents! Kids are going through a million different changes
throughout their minds and bodies, while parents watch from the
sidelines and try not to get caught in the crossfire! Although
the mood swings can be brutal, one of the hardest parts of
parenting a kid through puberty is wondering if you gave them all
the right talks to prepare them for this crazy ride.


Although having the puberty talk is hard, it’s not something that
can be pushed aside. If no one walks a teens through the changes
their body is experiencing, they can feel isolated. They may
think they’re alone in the process, without someone to turn to
for advice or reassurance. But speaking with kids early and often
about puberty can help them approach their adolescence with
confidence instead of confusion.


To understand how we can guide kids through their coming-of-age,
we’re talking to Michelle Mitchell, author of both A Guys Guide
to Puberty and A Girls Guide to Puberty. We’ve had Michelle on
the show twice before, but her advice is so helpful that we
invited her back for a third! In this interview, she’s delving
into the ways parents can help kids navigate all the twists and
turns that puberty brings.


In the episode, Michelle and I discuss how you can have those
tricky talks about the process of puberty. That includes
everything from periods to pimples. We also get into how we can
teach boys about the female body and vice versa.


Initiating the Conversation


Even if we know how important a puberty talk can be, we might not
know where to start. We might even just be too embarrassed to
start one up! But don't fret! Michelle is here to give us some
pointers.


Michelle suggests starting these talks a little earlier than you
might expect–around age 8-12. In her eyes, the earlier you start
helping kids understand their bodies, the better equipped they’ll
be when they suddenly find themselves having crushes on boys and
outgrowing all their shoes. Plus, before they develop that
distinctly teenage embarrassment, they’re much more inclined to
have these chats without squirming,


So how do you strike up such a delicate conversation with an
eight year old? Michelle says you should take your child aside
and tell them that you want to have a special talk, just the two
of you. She also recommends setting a specific amount of time for
the talk beforehand. This helps kids feel like they aren’t
entering into an endless conversation about the importance of
condoms and deodorant!.


Michelle details how every good puberty talk should allow kids to
choose what they want to discuss and what topics are off limits.
If a kid says “I don’t want to talk about this now, maybe later,”
this is simply them expressing ownership of their own body, says
Michelle. She believes it’s empowering for kids to be able to set
these kinds of parameters. Allowing them some jurisdiction over
the conversation can be a powerful experience for them


In the episode, Michelle dives deep into the changes going on in
your teens’ mind as they cross into puberty. She explains that
the brain is what starts to change first–which is why it makes no
sense to wait for physical signs of puberty to start having a
talk about it. Those physical signs, however, can be an important
thing to warn teens about. Michelle and I get into how you can do
so in our interview.


Breaking Down Body Changes


Pimples, periods, body odor, hair in places they never
expected….puberty is a roller coaster ride of physical changes.
If we want kids to hang on for dear life during this wild
journey, we’ve got to prepare them ahead of time. Otherwise,
they’ll likely feel as though they can’t reach out or like
they’re the only one going through it, says Michelle. Some kids
also develop a little early or a little late, and these teens
might need some extra reassurance as they’re likely receiving
different treatment from their peers.


Michelle emphasizes the importance of assuring kids that they are
totally unique in how their body goes through these changes, and
that their uniqueness is powerful. They should never feel ashamed
about where they are compared to their peers, and it’s valuable
to remind them of that, says Michelle. In the episode, Michelle
explains how you can make the physical aspects of the puberty
process feel less embarrassing and more exciting.


We also talk all about periods, and how you can prepare a young
woman to get her first one. Michelle says most girls desperately
want to know when it will arrive. She suggests reminding them
that they can never quite know, but empowering them with the
ability to be ready for it at any time. She recommends helping
your daughter pick out a “period pack with all the important
supplies, giving her the choice of what to put inside (with some
guidance, of course).


But what about boys? Do they need to know about periods too? Of
course, says Michelle. Not only do we need to teach kids to
respect their own bodies, but the bodies of other kids as well.


Teaching Kids to Respect their Peers


When kids are tying to deal with all these changes, they often
cope by gossiping about other kids’ bodies or speculating about
the opposite sex. But this can be disrespectful and hurtful!
Michelle believes it’s important to teach kids to see the person
inside the physical body and understand what they might be going
through,


Michelle explains how valuable it can be to give kids run down on
what the opposit sex is experiencing during puberty. For boys,
knowing about periods can help them be much more empathic to
girls who are dealing with the confusions of starting the
process. Michelle talks about how we can approach this topic with
young men in the episode. For girls, learning about male
functions like erections can keep them from being confused or
embarrassing a classmate by pointing one out out loud in class.


What Michelle really emphasizes here is helping kids develop
empathy. The ability to treat others kindly and respect their
personal journeys is an important lesson for life. All teens are
struggling with different battles during this turbulent period of
life, so teaching our kids to be polite and courteous to others
going through puberty can be incredibly impactful, says Michelle.


In the Episode…


Along with being extremely knowledgeable, Michelle is also
hilarious and lovely to talk with! This episode is full of laughs
and fun stories. In addition to the topics above we also discuss:


What parents can convey to kids that school can’t

How we need to talk more with kids about “bumps and lumps”

Effects of changing testosterone levels

Shaving as empowering

How to get your kid to take care of their own hygiene



Puberty is daunting, but with Miche...