Ep 143: The Do’s and Don’ts of College Applications

Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis, authors of The Parent
Compass, share their wealth of knowledge on the college
admissions process and parenting in the late teens.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full show notes


Let’s be honest–the pressure of the college application process
is enough to drive anyone crazy. Both you and your kids might
find yourselves losing sleep and shedding tears over the endless
rampage of SAT scores, personal essays and scholarship
applications. It’s so intense that celebrities are willing to
bribe schools and admissions officers with thousands of dollars
just to get their kid’s feet in the door!


Although you just want the best for your kid, it’s easy to get
caught up in the competition of it all and become another
expectant force breathing down their necks. You might find
yourself so obsessed with whether or not they get in that you
forget to notice all the hard work and character growth they’ve
exhibited throughout the process.


To understand how we can guide kids through college apps and
other teenage chaos, we’re sitting down with educational
consultants Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis. Their new
book, The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness and
Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World, is a guide for
parents who are feeling uncertain about the application cycle,
phones at the dinner table, and more!


In our interview, the three of us discuss the definition of a
“parent compass” and how to help kids navigate the tech filled
world they’re growing up in. We also dive into how we can help
teens reevaluate goal setting, especially when it comes to
college admissions.


What is The “Parent Compass?”


Although the “parent compass” might sound like an object, it’s
actually a movement! It’s goal is to help parents take a step
back, and make sure they’re not getting so caught up in all the
crazy that they lose sight of what’s important: encouraging teens
to be their best selves. If parents can reevaluate and take time
for self reflection, they can be certain that they’re headed in
the right direction, Cynthia and Jenn explain.


Cynthia and Jenn’s book opens with questionnaires for parents,
asking them to think about the way they were raised and prompting
them to question their own biases. There’s also one for teens,
which requests that they think constructively about how they’d
like to be treated differently. Jenn and Cynthia suggest inviting
your teen to do these questionnaires–or have productive
discussions of a similar nature–together. In doing so, you can
show them that you care about being the best parent you can be.


Now, that’s all easier said than done, of course! There are so
many complications and points of contention you and your teen
might get stuck on. One concept we discuss in the episode is the
idea of encouraging teens to follow their passion. Is that
something we can realistically suggest if we’re practical
parents? In our interview, Cynthia and Jenn touch on how it’s
almost as important for teens to discover what they don’t like as
it is for them to find activities that excite them.


Another common area of disagreement for parents and kids is
technology: how much screen time kids should get, whether or not
phones can be out during certain hours...the list goes on and on!
In the episode, we touch on how you can use your parent compass
to find harmony with tech in your home.


Teens and Tech


One of the biggest tips Cynthia and Jenn have regarding devices
in the home is to create a distinct plan. They suggest you set
rules, limits, and allowances for how much time teens can spend
online, and what they can do when they log on! By having a system
in place, it’s easier to avoid arguments down the line. Instead
of begging them to log off every night at 6 o’clock to start
their homework, they’ll know ahead of time that there are certain
hours for playing fortnite and others for studying physics.


Along with the plan, Cynthia and Jenn recommend putting measures
in place for when the plan is violated. If kids know what
punitive measures are coming, they’re not likely to break the
rules. And in these uncertain, pandemic-centric times, Cynthia
and Jenn suggest checking that parent compass to evaluate when to
be flexible. For many kids, playing games online and chatting
over social media is one of the few ways they’ve been socializing
since they haven’t been able to go to school or even just hang
out at the park!


In our interview, we also discuss the notion of putting away
screens entirely. Our interviewees bring up a powerful method
practiced by some of their colleagues, in which 24 hours is
spent, as a family, away from technology! While this idea may
sound terrifying, it can have a multitude of benefits. In the
episode, we talk about how disconnecting can really help you and
your teen shed anxiety and gain creativity.


As educational consultants, Cynthia and Jenn have a lot to say on
college admissions–more than any other topic! In our interview,
we break down how to handle the ups and downs of applications,
acceptances, rejections and everything in between.


Erasing Admissions Anxiety


For teens waiting and waiting for that acceptance letter, the
pressure can be overwhelming. When parents add their expectations
on top of everything else, it’s even harder for kids to handle it
all. Teens often need us to remain stable, not add turbulence to
their already rocky journey. How can we be kind, supportive
guides instead of just turning up the heat ?


According to Cynthia and Jenn, the key is to focus less on the
result and more on the impressive effort kids are putting in!
They do so much just to get to the finish line, that we should be
cheering them on when they press submit, not waiting until they
get in.


When we focus on the result, Cynthia and Jenn explain, we teach
kids that things are black and white, separated into success and
failure. This discourages them from taking risks or setting lofty
goals. Our guests believe it’s better to bring kids into a growth
mindset, where they see a path towards improvement instead of
unstable ground.


Cynthia and Jenn explain how teens can apply this kind of
thinking to all of their goals. To help teens get into a growth
mindset, they emphasize the value of setting specific objectives,
or steps they can take to make progress towards their goals. This
brings our lofty ambitions closer to the ground, allowing us to
really see what we need to do to achieve our hopes and dreams. In
our interview, we also talk about the importance of adjusting
goals once teens set them, as life always brings new and
unpredictable obstacles.


In the Episode…


Cynthia and Jenn bring us buckets of wisdom from their 30+
combined years as educational counselors. In addition to the
topics above, we discuss…


How teachers react to overbearing parents

Why 3:00 PM is the best time to talk to your teen

How paying kids for grades can backfire

Why you should refrain from posting college acceptances on
Facebook

What happens when you write your teen’s admissions essays



Parenting is no easy task, but Jenn and Cynthia can help us
develop a compass that allows us to make it through the
wilderness. Thank...