Ep 144: Add More To Life With Subtraction

Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract, shares his research on the
science of taking things away, simplification, and subtraction to
make more space for better ways of living. How to scale back tech
use, clean up our calendars, and streamline family rules is
coming up!


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Full show notes


When kids are driving us up the wall and we want to regain
control, we add rules. Then, later down the line...we add more
rules. Soon we find ourselves trying to figure out a rule for
every video game and homework assignment. As humans and parents,
we’re wired to add more and more structure, attempting to create
a sense of security. But sometimes the answer doesn’t lie in
addition–it lies in subtraction!


We often fail to consider that maybe instead of putting more on
our plate, we can instead take something away. This is because in
our evolutionary pursuit of survival, humans have gained an
affinity for acquisition. We used to hunt and gather to acquire
food, but in our modern world, this need to attain means we like
to add new objects, responsibilities, and ideas to our life. When
uncertainty rears its head, we automatically think addition is
the answer. However, if we consider letting something go instead,
we might see a better path was right in front of us all along.


In today’s episode, we’re talking to Leidy Klotz, author of
Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less. Leidy pulls from his
innovative behavioral research and years of design and
engineering experience to break down why we as a species feel
inclined to add more and more to our lives without removing the
things that drag us down.


Leidy and I are discussing why it is that our brains are so
predisposed to pile more on without considering the possibility
of letting something go. We also cover how we can help teens make
some smart subtractions when it comes to technology, and explain
how you and your teen can practice subtraction in everyday life.


Why We Take on Too Much


As a species, our inclination to keep adding comes from both
biological and societal forces, says Leidy. Our ancestors learned
to accumulate more ideas and objects as they fought for survival,
and that urge still sticks with us today. Our consumerist society
is another contributing factor, with advertisements boasting
endless add-ons (if you just call now!) and commercials telling
us that we NEED to buy the newest fancy gadget in order to go on
with life.


The need to gain is only magnified by our desire to appear
competent, Leidy explains. This urge may be what’s driving your
teen to add more and more extracurriculars to their schedule,
apply to 100 colleges, or have more than a few girls on speed
dial! And when they find themselves overwhelmed, they often
believe with even more certainty that continuing to add more will
solve the problem–which of course, only makes things worse! Leidy
and I title this the “the downward cycle of subtracting doom” in
the episode.


If that wasn’t bad enough, not only do we love to add things to
our life, we’re also afraid to let go. Leidy and I discuss in our
interview why you can’t seem to ditch that old set of paints you
bought years ago when you suddenly decided you would become a
painter...the ones you haven’t touched since the day you got
them. Getting and keeping possessions can give us some seriously
happy feelings–almost like the ones we get when we take drugs or
do something risky and get away with it. These powerful
connections can keep us from giving up things that we don’t need.


For teens today, these intense feelings can be tied to social
media platforms–ones that they know make them feel anxious, but
they can’t seem to get rid off. Plus, when the newest one comes
out each month, teens download it without a second thought,
motivated by the all-too-human need to acquire. Leidy and I
tackle how you can talk to teens about resisting addition when it
comes to tech.





Helping Teens Manage Technology Use





When you think about situations where your teen tends to add
until they reach excess, tech is probably towards the top of the
list. Nowadays, teens have more devices, streaming services,
gaming apps and social media sites than any of us ever thought
possible. They just continue to add more and more tech to their
lives, without giving any thought to moderation! How can we help
kids fight the urge to add when it comes to technology?


Leidy offers an interesting solution, borrowed from public
policy! Interestingly, he explains in the episode that our code
of federal regulations has grown almost seventeen times since
1950, a testament to the human tendency to keep adding
indefinitely! Leidy and I discuss how in British Columbia, three
regulations must be removed whenever one is added, which helps
maintain balance.


This same idea is effective when it comes to limiting teens' tech
use. When they buy a new video game or start using another social
media platform, it can be good to prompt them to delete a few of
the old ones! By watching how much they are consuming, you can
help teens use tech in a healthy way instead of developing bad
habits.


Removing unnecessary clutter, whether that be iphone apps, old
clothes or even ideas, can be liberating. But it’s not always
easy. So how can we practice subtraction in our everyday lives?





The Importance of Practicing Subtraction





One of the most fascinating findings from Leidy’s research is
that when faced with a problem, humans are almost universally
certain to conjure up a solution that includes addition. Not only
that, but they don’t even consider subtraction as an option, even
when it’s pretty clear that it would be a much simpler remedy to
just remove something.


Leidy emphasizes the importance of suggesting subtraction when
your teen is in a tough spot. If they’re stressed about passing
AP spanish, and want to add more and more hours of studying until
they’re no longer sleeping, maybe it’s time for them to drop the
academic decathlon to make time. Or maybe they want to feel
popular, but steadily increasing their social calendar has led
them to feel burnt out. In this case, perhaps subtraction means
really looking to see who their true friends are and sticking to
those people who enrich their lives the most.


Leidy and I also touch on how subtraction can bring an unexpected
blessing, by creating something additional. If you take the
center out of the donut, it creates more surface area for glaze
and allows the donut to cook more evenly...plus you get donut
holes! When you subtract a meeting from your own schedule, not
only did you remove something to release tension, but now you
have an hour of time to focus on something more important or
something that makes you happy.


In the Episode…


Leidy’s innovative ideas about decision making and human behavior
makes for a fascinating episode this week. On top of the topics
discussed above, we talk about:


How our brains “subtract” in our sleep

Why people view subtraction in a negative light

How to remove barriers when trying to get kids to change

Why subtraction can help us with life’s big decisions



I had a blast interviewing Leidy and am excited to share his work
with you! Don’t forget to share and s...