Ep 147: Dedicated, Purposeful Teens

Pete Davis, author of Dedicated, speaks to us about the power of
commitment in an age of infinite options. Plus, what to say to a
teen trying everything to gain status.


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Full show notes


Some teens just don’t want to commit to anything! They go to one
lacrosse team practice but quickly lose interest, quit piano
lessons when the songs get difficult and avoid debate team
meetings after school...even though they signed up for the whole
year! As a parent, it can be frustrating to watch them shrug off
any kind of obligation. You know getting involved in activities
will help them gain new skills and make friends. So how can you
get them to see how valuable commitments can be?


The truth is that kids these days are stuck in browsing mode.
With so many distractions, it’s hard for them to focus on one
thing. And even when they find something they care about, society
tells them not to settle, not to get tied down, not to stick with
anything that isn’t their “perfect” calling. But if we can help
kids understand just how rewarding it is to find a lasting
passion or commit to a craft, we can guide them towards a
brighter, happier future.


This week, we’re talking to Pete Davis, author of Dedicated: The
Case for Commitment in the Age of Infinite Browsing. Pete spoke
at Harvard University’s 2018 graduation ceremony about the value
of being committed to something meaningful. Since then, the video
of his speech has been viewed over 30 million times! His
inspiring message about dedication might be just what your teen
needs to hear.


Pete and I dive into the power of commitment in this week’s
episode. We cover the importance of helping teens find a craft,
discuss why kids should give up on the notion of finding their
“calling”, and explain how it can be valuable for young adults to
pick something and stick to it! If you want to help your kid find
a fulfilling future but don’t quite know what advice to give, you
won’t want to miss this episode!


The Importance of Getting Involved


We know that playing football keeps teens in shape and learning
the guitar allows kids to play their favorite songs...but these
benefits are just the tip of the iceberg. Teens can gain so much
from finding a craft they love and committing to it. In the
episode, Pete and I chat about how hobbies and extracurriculars
help teens learn to take feedback, persevere through
difficulties, and find community.


Pete and I talk about his time playing the piano as an example.
From the age of 5 to 13, he worked with the same piano teacher,
constantly improving his playing along the way. By committing to
one mentor and one activity for so long, Pete was able to track
his progress, see his evolution and create strong connections to
both his teacher and other students. By the time he stopped
taking lessons at 18, he experienced what he describes as one of
life’s greatest pleasures: looking back and understanding the
beauty of the journey.


Pursuits like painting and baseball are about so much more than
just winning games or getting into galleries, says Pete. They
empower teens by showing them that they’re capable of greatness!
Plus, they teach kids that there are forces bigger than
themselves that they can contribute to and feel good about. These
lessons will help them head into adult life with confidence and
purpose.


In addition, crafts help teens find heroes and mentors who
encourage them to strive for excellence. Along with his amazing
piano teacher, Pete was constantly encouraged by idols: famous
folks who’d accomplished extraordinary feats. He advises parents
to indulge in a teen’s interest in prominent figures, as it will
allow teens to see how greatness is achieved. If your teen is
into filmmaking and fosters a love for Steven Spielberg, it might
be a good idea to get them a Spielberg biography!


Sometimes however, even when teens have an inkling about what
they like to do, they’re not quite ready to commit. They fear
choosing the wrong thing, wonder if they’ll regret their
decision, fuss over what others think. This indecisiveness can
lead teens to a state of analysis paralysis, where they just sort
of do...nothing! Pete and I delve into how we can prevent teens
from getting stuck in this space, what he calls the “menu screen
of life.”


How Commitment Cultivates Passion


Our society tells young people that they shouldn’t settle for
less than the perfect pursuit. Teens are told that they need to
hold out for a flawless opportunity, the thing that ignites the
fireworks of their passion without any drawbacks! Now, it’s
pretty obvious to those of us who’ve been around a little longer
that these shiny, spectacular opportunities...don’t really exist!
No job, extracurricular or subject of study is going to be
perfect. Everything requires sacrifice and compromise.


If teens spend too much time twiddling their thumbs, waiting for
the “right” thing to come along, they’ll only find themselves
with nothing at all! That’s why Pete recommends teens find
something that interests them and simply stick with it. Of
course, if teens are miserable or end up involved in a toxic
situation, they shouldn’t trap themselves by committing to it.
But studies show that when we buckle down on an activity we have
at least some interest in, we often find ourselves becoming
incredibly passionate about it–even if we aren’t quite sure at
first.


That commitment can be pretty scary, especially when we’re
entering a big office full of people we’ve never met or trying
something we haven’t done before. But if we can persevere through
the messy parts, there’s so much empowerment waiting on the other
side, says Pete.


The more we put time and effort into something, the more it
reveals it’s benefits to us, says Pete. In the episode, we
discuss a psychological phenomenon known as the psychological
immune system. When we commit ourselves to something, our brain
essentially just adjusts to match our newfound reality. Lotto
winners find themselves just as happy (or unhappy) as they were
before winning. And those who commit to something find it becomes
their purpose, simply because it’s what they do everyday!


In the episode, Pete and I discuss how we often think greatness
will be thrust upon us one day. We imagine that we’ll find
ourselves in a circumstance where we save someone from a burning
building, or make a grand speech that convinces the love of our
life not to fly to Paris after all! But these notions are merely
cinematic. If we really want greatness, says Pete, we must commit
to waking up everyday and striving for it.


In the Episode….


Pete is not only brilliant, but a blast to talk to! This week’s
episode is as fun as it is informative. We answer all your
questions about commitment, including:


Why it’s important to have “browsing periods”

How quitting can actually help teens commit

What causes teen’s fear of commitment

How you can help teens make big decisions



Although teens might be reluctant to stick to any one thing,
Pete’s advice can help. If you enjoyed listening, check him out
at Petedavis.org. You can also grab his book wherever books are
sold. Thanks for tuning in, and we’ll see you next time!


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that works—delivere...