Ep 157: "Hey! That's MINE!"

Michael A Heller and Jim Salzman, authors of Mine!, share the
hidden rules behind ownership disputes and the secret to better
bargaining and leveraging your power as the parent.


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Full show notes


There’s one slice of pizza left, and all three of your kids want
it. One kid argues that he called dibs on it before it even came
out of the oven, so it’s definitely his. Another says that since
she had track practice today, she’s the hungriest–and therefore
it belongs to her. The third declares that the two slices he
already ate were wayyyy smaller than the rest, making him the
rightful owner of this final piece. Unable to stop bickering over
it, they look to you to decide who gets to eat it….but it seems
like all three of them are making a pretty good case!


Decisions like this can feel impossible, but as parents, we face
them almost everyday. Not only are there battles of ownership
between the kids themselves, but you and your teen also likely
argue over who owns their phones, the car, their bedroom, and
even perhaps their body. (Who should get the final say on blue
hair and belly button piercings?) When problems arise, it’s not
always easy to distinguish what belongs to who, and that can make
life pretty difficult!


This week, we’re talking about the rules of ownership….and what
makes them so complicated. Our guests are Michael Heller and
James Salzman, authors of the new book Mine!: How the Hidden
Rules of Ownership Control Our Lives. In their work as lawyers
and law professors, James and Michael have spent a lot of time
thinking about possession and what entitles someone to the rights
of ownership.


To help us understand how disputes over ownership arise, Michael,
James and I are discussing the six rules that people use to argue
that they have possession of something. We’re also chatting about
why companies think they have the right to sell your data and
covering how you can use your ownership position to teach kids
important life lessons.


The Six Stories of Ownership


When your kids are arguing over that last slice of pizza, they’re
each telling a different story to prove that they deserve it.
This is why settling disputes over ownership is so
complicated...since each of the kids is technically correct about
having some possession of the slice!


Michael and James explain that one of the most common ways we
claim ownership is through the principle of first come, first
serve. We also often believe something belongs to us through the
law of attachment: if the armrest is attached to my chair in the
movie theater, it must be mine…..and not my neighbor’s!
Possession is another way to claim ownership, Michael and James
emphasize. If your teen possesses their laptop, they tend to
think they own it–even if you’re the one who paid for it.


Interestingly, the dispute over the principle of bodily ownership
is one that’s baffled us for decades, say James and Michael. Some
people argue that if something is connected to or extending from
their physical body they should have total control over that
thing, but not everyone agrees! This is particularly relevant for
women’s bodies, when it comes to things like surrogacy or
abortion, but it’s also prominent in debates over the right to
sell one’s organs or the ability to be euthanized. As a parent,
you may experience tension around the topic of bodily autonomy
when your teen wants to wear certain clothes you can’t condone or
dye their hair a color you disapprove of.


In the episode, we talk about how parents can deal with the
challenge of teens who are eager to get eyebrow piercings or
sport a shirt with a provocative saying. We also discuss the two
other principles of ownership: possession through labor and
familial possession!


In some cases, conflict over ownership can spread beyond just
person to person combat–when companies believe it’s their right
to harvest and sell your data.


How Companies “Own” Your Data


Most of us wouldn’t say that Google or Apple has a right to
document and distribute our information, but those companies
might say otherwise. They often argue ownership on the principle
of labor, claiming that they worked hard to create the search
engine, and therefore have ownership rights over customer data,
explain Michael and James.


These companies might say that since you are already on their
site, your browsing information also belongs to them through the
powers of possession and attachment. In the episode, we talk
about how you can defend your privacy and emphasize that only you
have a right to data about your internet activity.


One service you might not consider a threat to your data
ownership–but you should be looking out for–is genetic testing,
say Michael and James. When you swab your saliva and send it into
23 and me, you’ll learn some interesting facts about your
ancestors, but you’re also offering up your genetic data to a
company that can then sell it to pharmaceutical and insurance
companies. Since the testing companies possess it, they claim
ownership to it, and use it to turn a profit.


Having ownership over something gives the owner quite a bit of
power, which is why companies want to own our data so badly! In
the case of business, they want to gain the power of capital, but
for parents, the power of ownership can have a whole different
dimension.


How Parents Can Harness the Power of Ownership


So the last slice of pizza is just sitting there, waiting for
it’s rightful owner to be declared. But the reason kids are
looking to you for answers about this particular pizza is because
you paid for it! That technically grants you ownership of the
pizza, meaning you have the power to decide who gets that final
slice.


Having the power of ownership can help you teach kids a lesson
about equality! In the episode, we flashback to Michael's on
childhood. After hearing Michael and his siblings bicker over the
biggest piece of pie, his parents instituted a new rule–whomever
cuts the pie has to pick their own slice last. This taught
Michael pretty quickly to cut all the pieces exactly even so he
didn’t get a smaller piece than his siblings. Not only did
everyone get a fair and even slice, but Michael himself learned
to be more equitable!


Although it can be used for good, Michael and Jim explain how
some companies use their ownership power to manipulate users. For
example, it’s pretty common for teens to swap login information
for various streaming services, so they can use Hulu or Disney+
without forking over the dough for a prescription. Although this
is technically illegal, sites like HBO Max allow it to continue
because it creates video addicts out of young people, so that
when they grow up, they’ll end up spending their own cash on the
HBO subscription they feel like can’t live without.


In the Episode...


Although the rules of ownership might get us into some sticky
situations, they can also help us distinguish what belongs to
whom and why. On top of the topics discussed above, we also
cover:


Why we should all know about the Coase theorem

How creating a will can save your kids from financial ruin

Why we shouldn’t use analogies to reason with teens

How “first come, first serve” can be harm...