Ep 179: Are We Setting Kids Up to Fail?

Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar, sits down with us to
discuss how our technology-obsessed, individualistic culture
might be holding our teens back from reaching their full
potential.


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Full show notes


Times are changing—and so are teens. The introduction of
technology to each aspect of everyday life has fundamentally
altered the way teens act, think, and experience the world. Our
education system is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and it’s
shaping our teens dramatically. Our culture has changed, pushing
teens to become more individualistic than ever before. For better
or for worse, growing up has become an entirely different
experience than the one many of us are familiar with.





For kids, this new world has benefits…but also serious drawbacks.
Young people are more connected than ever. They’ve got comforts
and conveniences that we never could have dreamt of in our teen
years. But rates of teen depression and anxiety are skyrocketing,
and many kids feel like they aren’t prepared for the brutal
reality of adulthood! For parents watching the world change, it
can be nerve-wracking to wonder how we’ll help teens manage.





To understand how our kids can navigate it all, we’re talking to
Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar: Preparing Our Kids to
Thrive in an Era of Distraction, Dependency, and Entitlement. As
an educator, writer and parent himself, Shane has found himself
observing some seriously concerning behavior from teens–behavior
he feels is motivated by the forces of our evolving world. Today,
he’s helping us see how we can give kids a fighting chance at a
successful life! 





In our interview, we’re discussing the fierce individualism of
our modern culture, and its effects on growing teens. We’re also
discussing bullying, and the surprising reasons why Shane thinks
we shouldn’t stop it from happening. Plus, we’re covering where
our school system is missing its chance to truly prepare teens
for the world ahead.



The Issue of Individualism


We want kids to be their best selves…but what happens when
self-improvement becomes self obsession? Shane believes many
teens are headed down this path–not because they're inherently
selfish, but because our culture puts self-interest above all
else! Social media constantly bombards teens with advertisements
and influencers telling teens they NEED to get the newest clothes
or try the trendiest fitness craze. Over time, teens can become
so consumed by consumerism that they turn a blind eye to the
possibility of helping others.





But serving others is often the key to happiness, says Shane.
Although material gain or changes to our appearance might help us
feel good about ourselves, working towards a greater purpose is
ultimately the way to a happy existence, he explains. Teens today
run the risk of living unfulfilled lives, especially if we are
constantly encouraging them to strive only for their own
happiness, says Shane. In the episode, Shane and I talk further
about encouraging our kids to work towards the betterment of
others.





In our discussion about culture, Shane and I also touch on the
difference between honor cultures and dignity cultures. Honor
cultures push people towards accomplishment, he explains, by
rewarding them for their achievements. In a world full of easy
digital rewards and distractions, encouraging teens to seek true
accomplishment can have a lot of benefits. However, Shane also
acknowledges the toxicity of pushing kids towards constant
achievement. We also discuss the positive attributes of dignity
culture–believing every human has intrinsic value and dignity
without needing to prove it. In our interview, we’re talking
about how we can take the best parts of each to create balance.





As our culture and technology has evolved, one particular issue
that’s taken center stage is bullying–whether it’s online or IRL.
Interestingly, Shane doesn’t believe bullying is always a bad
thing.



The Surprising Truth About Bullying


We’ve been working towards ending bullying in schools for quite a
while…but what is bullying, exactly? Is it physical, verbal or
digital? Is a fight between two students bullying? What if it’s
an anonymous online post? The lack of subjectivity in defining
what bullying really is can be a big problem, says Shane. As we
crack down more and more on bullying, our definition of it
becomes increasingly lenient, to the point where we might
consider any kid to be a bully, Shane explains.





And being marked as a bully can be pretty harmful. Most of the
time, kids who are harsh to others at school are behaving this
way as a result of patterns in their home life. Instead of
labeling kids as a threat, we should be examining the nuances of
what causes them to bully or harass others, Shane says. Kids
marked as bullies tend to develop a dislike of going to school or
feel vindictive towards their teachers and classmates, says
Shane. 





Plus, Shane believes the effects of bullying might be less
detrimental than we often think. Kids are going to be up against
a lot as they get older, and they aren’t going to have adults
around to sort everything out. If we’re constantly intervening to
fix teens’ social problems, we might be doing them a disservice.
We could be keeping them from developing the conflict resolution
skills and resilience they are going to need to survive romantic
relationships, the workplace, and life in general!





As an educator, attitudes around bullying aren’t the only problem
Shane sees in schools. 



Why Schools Need to Change


Are schools really teaching kids what they need to know? One of
the biggest problems in today’s school system is that it has
become too outcome oriented, says Shane. Instead of putting
emphasis on increasing knowledge, they’ve become overly obsessed
with metrics, ratings, college acceptance statistics and making
sure every kid “passes.” Schools are often giving out easy As to
simply move kids through the system without really challenging
them, says Shane.





Shane explains that this problem has been worsening because
teachers are under too much stress to accommodate every student!
Some students have learning disabilities or are disadvantaged,
meaning they may not be able to keep up to pace with the rest of
the students. This means that teachers often have to lower the
difficulty of material. But because they don't have the
facilities to create and keep track of lesson plans for each
student, the whole class has to adjust to this drop in
difficulty, says Shane. This means kids are often not pushed or
even taught at their own level!





Schools are also trying to keep up with the technological times,
but often miss the mark. The use of Ipads and laptops in the
classroom can encourage a culture of dependence on screens that’s
already a problem for so many! In the episode, Shane and I talk
about the rise in mental illness and drug addiction in teens, and
how much of it may be tied to teens who are too attached to
screens or who feel incredibly stressed, blocked in or even just
bored by modern schooling.



In the Episode…


It’s always so refreshing to hear from educators and learn how we
can build a better system for our teens to grow...