Ep 189: Boys’ Hidden Body Issues

Charlotte Markey joins us to discuss why market-driven media is
toxic for teen body image, and how we can strike up important
conversations about  body positivity with our teens.


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Full show notes


­­For kids growing up in the social media age, comparison is a
constant struggle. Teens are bombarded 24/7 by influencers who
post pictures of their unrealistic lives and seemingly perfect
bodies–making teens feel like they’ll never measure up. This can
cause both young men and women to constantly scrutinize their
appearance, to the point of developing eating disorders or facing
serious damage to their mental health! Although body image may
seem like an afterthought to some adults, it’s a seriously
significant part of young people’s lives that can even yield
potentially dangerous outcomes.


 


Luckily, there are some things we can do to protect teens from
the pressure to have a perfect body–and it starts with
communication in our homes. Normalizing talk about body issues
can do wonders for teens, especially those who feel like they’re
struggling with it all alone. If we can guide them to become more
conscious and critical about what they see online, we can help
them learn to love themselves and their bodies unconditionally!


 


To help us get the conversation started, we’re talking to
Charlotte Markey, author of Being You: The Body Image Book for
Boys and The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up
Fearless. Charlotte is a professor of psychology at Rutgers
University and a leading expert on body image research. She’s
studied everything from weight management to eating disorders,
and is the perfect person to talk to about how we can encourage
teen body positivity!


 


In our interview, Charlotte explains what body positivity truly
feels like, and how we can encourage teens to strive for
self-acceptance. Plus, we’re talking all about online
influencers, and how teens can defend themselves against the
damaging messages of a market-driven media.


 


The Path to Body Positivity


 


Before we can really talk about having a positive body image,
we’ve got to get to the bottom of what “body image” really means,
says Charlotte. She explains that it’s greater than just wanting
to be fat or skinny, have the perfect chest or defined features.
It’s a much more encompassing feeling that includes being active,
happy, well-rested and mentally sound. It’s largely related to
mental health, says Charlotte, and takes into account how we
feel, not just how we look.


           


This means feeling more than just neutral about our bodies,
Charlotte explains. Body neutrality is ok, she says,  but
the goal is for us to be happy in our own skin. If teens can
learn to have unconditional love and acceptance for their bodies,
they’ll be able to free themselves from constant body negativity.
Instead, they can dedicate that energy to other things like
educating themselves, nurturing their relationships, and helping
those in need! In the episode, Charlotte emphasizes how this
unconditional love starts with parents opening up the
conversation about body image at home.


 


But how can we actually get teens talking about body positivity?
In our interview, Charlotte and I dive into why teens often don’t
like to discuss their bodies. This is especially true for young
men, who are typically taught to be strong and hold in negative
feelings. Not to mention that our kids are two years into a
pandemic, meaning they haven’t exactly had the easiest time
connecting with peers over anything–especially body size! Having
this conversation is certainly necessary, but it won’t be easy,
Charlotte says.





Don’t fear, however, because Charlotte is giving you some helpful
tips for striking up this talk with your teens.


 


Creating a Conversation Around Body Image


 


So how can we start this critical conversation around body image
when teens would rather lock themselves in their rooms? Charlotte
recommends starting with being vulnerable yourself. Although we
adults aren’t always on social media as much as kids, we’re still
being affected everyday by online messaging! We might have our
own issues with comparison, or feel anxious about the effects of
aging on our bodies. If we can help kids understand that these
concerns are totally normal, they might feel more comfortable
opening up to talk about their own body.


 


Charlotte suggests asking lots of questions instead of giving
kids a lecture. This can be especially useful if you notice a
teen commenting on their own body or someone else’s. Prompting
teens to explain their feelings further or think more critically
about their comment might help them dig deeper and understand the
origin of their judgements about the way bodies look! This can be
a great first step to encouraging kids to challenge the things
they see online.


 


 Sometimes, kids just don’t want to listen to their parents.
If this is the case for you and your kid, Charlotte suggests
looping in another resource to get kids the help they need. If
your teen is really struggling with body image issues, a trained
counselor might be the best move. For teens who do better
processing things on their own, there are some helpful websites
that you can direct them to–or you can give them good
old-fashioned books, like the ones Charlotte has published!


 


No matter how much work they do, kids are still going to be faced
with the media saturated world they live in­. But if we can
develop an understanding about how these online forces affect
teens' well-being, we can prevent social media from doing too
much serious damage.



The Importance of Media Literacy


Although social media can be damaging, there are ways we can
mitigate its effects on teens. The first step is to encourage
teens to be more critical of what they see online. Teens need to
know that the pictures of influencers on their Instagram feed are
not only highly edited, but depict unrealistic bodies! Models and
online personalities are usually paid to look good, meaning they
put more time, money and effort into having the perfect image
than the rest of us could likely ever manage!


 


When teens see these images, they start to immediately compare
themselves to the person on the screen–and who could blame them?
These apps are set up to run on the capitalization of beauty,
explains Charlotte. When teens compare themselves, the app can
sell them more beauty or fitness products. Cosmetic companies
make money, the app makes money…but your teen is left feeling
worse than ever. This market-driven social media ecosystem is
definitely harmful for young minds and bodies, Charlotte
explains.


 


Charlotte recommends reminding teens that they have the power to
keep themselves from falling for this messaging. Our brains are
hard-wired to compare us to others, but ultimately, we’re in
control–meaning it doesn’t have to happen! Teens can unfollow
those who make them feel bad, or choose to follow others who make
them feel more comfortable in their own skin. Charlotte explains
that this can sometimes be hard for kids to do, but with some
encouragement, they’re more likely to take these steps towards a
positive body image.