Ep 207: Anxiety and the Communication Tools to Fix It

Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink joins us to
talk about the drivers behind sky-high rates of anxiety and
depression among young people—and how bio-synchronicity and
emotional attunement might be the answer.





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Full show notes


Nowadays, kids have 24 hour access to the internet—meaning they
can scroll through pictures of perfect models on Instagram, check
the ever-terrifying news or log on to a chatroom with random
strangers at any time of the day! And while this allows them to
connect with others and learn more about the world, it can also
lead to an overwhelming level of exposure to everything from
cyberbullying to predators. Without parents there to steer them
clear of danger, are kids bound to get into trouble?





Not to mention that constant use of the internet–especially
social media–can have seriously adverse effects on a kid's mental
health. The perpetual pressure to live up to the images of
perfection they see online has been linked to sky-rocketing
growth in depression and anxiety disorders among kids. And it’s
young women in particular who face the most expectations
online–the expectation to be sexual without being too sexual, the
need to have the perfect body, and the constant fear that they
aren’t going to fit in with all their other peers.





So how can we help girls who are struggling with the stressors of
being online? We’re asking Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of
Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of
Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media. Donna is a
science journalist who’s written for Wired, The Washington Post,
The Boston Globe, and more! She’s also a mom, and was inspired to
dive deeper into girls' mental health when she saw how much her
daughter was affected by the perils of the online world.





In our interview, we’re discussing how estrogen and the female
immune system contribute to the development of mental health
disorders among young girls, especially in our modern,
media-driven world. Plus, how adverse childhood experiences
affect kids into adulthood, and what we can say to help our teen
girls feel supported during this stressful time.





The Estrogen Effect


The internet can add stress to anyone’s life…so why do we need to
focus on young women? Research shows that women are developing
mental health disorders at an alarming rate compared to their
male counterparts, explains Donna, and this ties directly into
how much these young women use social media. But why?





Donna explains that estrogen is the culprit. Since the dawn of
the human race, women’s bodies have responded to stress with an
intense surge of estrogen. This is because women typically have
smaller bodies and even smaller organs than men, says Donna, and
therefore need a stronger immune response to combat threats! This
is why girls often have stronger responses to vaccines and have
longer-lasting reactions to viruses like Covid-19. 





When their brains are still developing, girls are constantly
looking to the world to sense if they’re safe or not….and with
social media and the internet, girls often feel that they aren’t
safe! This bumps their stress levels, leading their estrogen to
provoke an immune response that floods their bodies and brains
with inflammation. No wonder so many young girls are developing
chronic physical and mental health conditions like autoimmune
disorders and depression, she says.





But that’s not even the worst of it! Donna explains how adverse
childhood experiences  can make this immune response even
more harmful to young girls.



Long Term Effects of Childhood Experiences


Women have more robust immune responses to stressors because of
their hormones, says Donna, but there are other factors that can
cause people to have intense reactions to stress. One of these
factors is adverse childhood experiences. When we think of
childhood trauma, we often think of intense moments like divorce
or physical abuse–but Donna explains that these traumas can be
milder and more common than we might expect. Feeling bullied by
siblings, having a parent with substance use issues or
experiencing mild parental neglect can all be adverse childhood
experiences, she explains.





With their brains still in development, young girls are
perpetually trying to discern whether or not they are safe.
Because these adverse experiences are often chronic and
unpredictable, it can send a message to kids' minds that they are
frequently in danger. Donna explains that this is largely a
product of evolution–social ostracization of any kind could be
extremely dangerous if it meant they were cast from the group
without food or protection from predators. And although kids are
no longer typically in physical danger from emotional neglect or
bullying, their immune system still behaves as though they
are! 





The more adverse experiences girls experience in childhood, the
more their brain becomes acclimated to responding to stress, and
the more intense it’s immune response. This causes chronic mental
and physical health disorders to develop among young women at an
alarming rate–and social media is not helping, says Donna. That’s
why she believes parents need to give their kids the least
traumatic childhood possible, so they don’t develop serious
conditions like anxiety or depression as teens or adults.





But how can we keep our homes as free from trauma as possible?
And what can we say to teen girls who are really going through
it? Donna helps us see how parents can step in to help girls when
they’re at their lowest.



Helping Our Girls Heal


The first step to helping our girls is to heal ourselves, says
Donna. When we’ve dealt with our own traumas and stopped our
impulsive reactions, we can be there to calmly guide our kids
without passing our trauma on.  The developing brains of our
kids are constantly looking for reassurance from caregivers, so
if we can make kids feel safe, they’ll live happier, healthier
lives.





 In the episode, Donna explains how kids watch parents react
to stressful situations and then learn to practice the same
patterns themselves–a scientific concept known as bio-synchrony.
If we yell, freak out or bully others when we’re in distress, our
kids take notice–and will likely carry that pattern on into
adulthood themselves. If we can learn to center ourselves and
practice techniques that take us out of fight or flight mode and
back into a level head, Donna explains that we’ll be able to
teach our kids to do the same.





If your daughter is struggling, Donna recommends bringing some
positivity back into her life. In our interview, we discuss the
value of praising our kids in healthy ways. Donna encourages us
to remind our kids that they are intrinsically valuable, and can
accomplish anything they hope to do if they work hard. It’s never
truly wise to measure their success against other kids’–even if
you’re telling them how much better they are! This only leads to
a life of comparing themselves to others, and despairing when
they fall short.





This doesn’t mean we should overshelter our kids or make life too
easy for them, says Donna. They still need to stumble and fail,
lear...