Ep 214: Resilience Through Emotional Management

Kate Lund, author of Bounce, joins us to explain how teens can
face obstacles and practice resilience when life gets tough. We
also discuss the importance of stress management, goal setting
and trying new things.


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that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full show notes


Your teen might have the perfect life plan–become class
president, get a basketball scholarship, and go to the medical
school of their dreams. But no matter how put-together your teen
is, they’re likely to encounter plenty of obstacles on the road
to success. They might not make the school basketball team at
all, or maybe they’ll receive a rejection letter from the college
they swore they’d go to





If teens let these challenges bring them down, they might not
reach the future they’ve envisioned. But if they’re resilient
enough to push past hardships, they may find that all of their
dreams are entirely possible!





Building resilience is no easy task, however. That’s why we’re
talking to Kate Lund, author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build
Resilience and Thrive In School, Sports and Life. Kate is a
psychologist and life coach with over 15 years of experience
helping people of all ages overcome hardship.





In our interview, Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain
resilience from learning to manage their emotions. We're also
talking about how teens can stay motivated, and why teens need
confidence and courage if they want to strive for greatness.





Modeling Emotional Management


There’s no shortage of frustrating situations in life, especially
for teens who are still figuring it all out. When things go
wrong, teens tend to get stressed–and how they deal with this
stress makes all the difference, Kate says.





In order to find resilience, teens have to master stress
management, she explains. When teens manage their stress properly
by exercising, painting, or spending time with friends, they’re
able to remain even-keeled and calm most of the time, explains
Kate. But when they let their stress run free, any triggering
situation can put them over the top and cause them to melt down.
By scheduling time to regularly de-stress, teens can stay
grounded when challenges arise.





To help teens gain emotional management skills, try modeling them
yourself, Kate suggests. When you're dealing with something
frustrating or overwhelming, you shouldn’t hide this from teens,
she explains. Letting teens see your negative emotions can remind
them that stress is totally normal. When kids see parents
handling their emotions in healthy ways, they'll be reassured
that they’re capable of the same, says Kate.





Another way parents can model healthy emotional habits is by
practicing kindness in a visible way. When anger or sadness go
unmanaged, these emotions can lead us to become unkind to those
in our lives, says Kate. Showing teens that we’re capable of
being kind to anyone, no matter their beliefs or opinions, is an
incredibly powerful way of modeling emotional management, she
says.





If kids are truly striving for resilience, they’ll have to keep
their motivation going, no matter what obstacles are in their
path. In the episode, we’re talking about how teens can stay
motivated through any challenges they might face.





Motivation and Goal Setting





To maintain motivation, Kate recommends that kids set attainable
goals. They might have a grand goal of getting into their dream
school, but they’ve got to have smaller goals along the way if
they want to stay motivated, she says. Their first goal might be
getting all the necessary letters of recommendation by a certain
date, and their second goal might be finishing their essays in
time for early admission. Reaching these small goals helps teens
feel accomplished, which in turn motivates them to keep going.





Sometimes parents push teens to pursue activities that teens just
don’t seem to care about. This might be because we don’t want
kids to be quitters or because we have our own selfish interest
in the activity. This can cause kids’ motivation to stall out.
Instead, Kate recommends that you encourage teens to pursue what
they actually enjoy, letting their natural motivation take over.
As a parent, you can help kids stay motivated by encouraging them
to follow their passions.





What if your teen doesn’t feel motivated to achieve anything?
Kate says you should give unmotivated teens time to figure out
where they want to direct their energy. Not every teen moves at
the same speed, she explains. She suggests that both parents and
teens remain open to new experiences and connections through
their teenage years and even into young adulthood. We never know
what might inspire us, and teens shouldn’t hold themselves back
from the possibility of finding their spark.





There are a few other things that factor into resilience,
including qualities like confidence and courage. Kate and I are
discussing how teens can gain these traits and find resilience.





Courage and Confidence


For teens who are facing the impending world of adulthood,
confidence isn’t always easy. But the more kids embrace
challenges and overcome them, the more confident they’ll be the
next time an obstacle comes around. Resilience comes with
learning to be uncomfortable, says Kate, and if we want to raise
confident teens, we’ve got to encourage them to leave their
comfort zones.





The same goes for courage, Kate explains. Kids might be scared to
try something new, but courage comes from trying anyway, she
says. If teens fail, parents can push them to approach the
activity from a different angle, or prompt them to simply try
again. Once teens realize that they’re capable of overcoming
failure, they’ll eventually gain the courage to try anything they
desire, Kate says.





Although it’s typically helpful to encourage teens, there are
some cases when we should refrain from pushing them too much, sys
Kate. Some parents tend to overschedule kids, filling up their
day with sports practice, test prep, tutoring sessions and chess
club. This overscheduling can lead teens to burn out, and hurt
their ability to focus on anything at all. Kate recommends we
monitor how much teens are sleeping, eating or socializing to
make sure they’re not overworked to the point of exhaustion.





In the Episode….


I enjoyed talking to Kate this week about resilience, stress
management,  motivation and more! On top of the topics
discussed above, we also talk about:


Why teens might benefit from meditating

How teens can fight distractions to stay focused

Why it’s important for teens to have hope

How parents can model motivation



If you enjoyed listening, you can find Kate’s book, Bounce, on
Amazon. Thanks for tuning in, and don’t forget to share and
subscribe! We’ll see you next week.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.