Ep 223: Mastering Work/Life Balance

Yael Shornbrun, author of Work, Parent, Thrive, joins us to talk
about how working parents can make the most of their busy lives.
We discuss the surprising benefits of working and parenting
simultaneously, and explain how we can model a healthy work/life
balance for their teens.





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Full show notes


Raising teens can sometimes feel like a full time job…on top of
the one we already have!  Handling the ups and downs of
parenthood takes practically all the energy we have–adding an
eight hour workday into the mix can be immensely
overwhelming. 





However, for many parents, working and parenting at the same time
is a necessary compromise. Doing both is no easy task, and often
comes with lots of sacrifice, conflict and even guilt. 





But what if being both a parent and a member of the workforce
could be mutually beneficial? What if, despite all the struggle,
being a working parent might be the best of both worlds?





This week, we’re diving into how working parents can overcome the
struggle and start thriving. We’re joined by Dr. Yael Schonbrun,
psychologist, professor, podcaster and author of Work, Parent,
Thrive! Yael is a working parent herself, and wanted to harness
her knowledge as a psychologist to help parents change their
perspective on work/life balance. 





In the episode, we’re discussing the ways that parenting can
strengthen our career skills–and how our work experiences can
make us better parents. Plus, how we can practice emotional
management when the stress of life gets too overwhelming, and how
we can model career success for teens.



Surprising Positives For Working Parents


Balancing work and kids is quite the conundrum, and it’s easy to
get bogged down by the difficulty of it all. But there actually
quite a few benefits to working and raising kids simultaneously,
says Yael–benefits that many parents don’t even realize are
there! 





In the episode, Yael breaks down the idea of skill transfer
between our personal and professional lives. The patience,
perseverance and empathy it takes to raise teens can be terrific
traits to carry over into our work life, while the collaboration
and consistency of our work life might benefit our parenting, she
explains.





She also describes how parents can benefit from what she calls a
“stress-buffering effect.” When the stress of work gets us down,
spending time with kids is a great way to have a meaningful, fun
escape. Similarly, when our kids are driving us crazy, we can
head to the office or close the door to our home studio and use
work as a way to distract us from the stress of parenting, she
says. 





There are so many other benefits to working and parenting at the
same time, and Yael and I get into them in the episode. So many
of these benefits become clear when we choose to notice them,
Yael explains, instead of focusing on the bad. 





Regardless, it’s hard to deny that work life balance can be a
struggle–especially for parents–and sometimes all the stress can
cause us to boil over. In our interview, Yael and I discuss how
parents can practice emotional management when the going gets
tough.



Mastering Emotional Management





In our interview, Yael and I talk a lot about values and how they
can often be challenged when we’re at our lowest. During
arguments with teens or triggering moments, we sometimes find
ourselves saying things we don’t mean or acting out of spite.
Even though we value kindness, patience and firm boundaries,
those things can slip out the window when we’re riled up.





In the episode, Yael and I talk about how we can learn to act
according to our values instead of letting our emotions get the
better of us. She lays out certain “grounding techniques,” or
ways to calm down when we’re upset. These are typically methods
of slowing down our nervous system’s response to triggering
situations, and can include everything from holding an ice cube
to taking some time to journal.





We also delve into a deep discussion about guilt, and the ways in
which it affects working parents. We often feel guilty when we
can’t make it to a competition due to a work trip, or when we
have to work late and can’t plan a family dinner. Many times,
however, this guilt serves no good purpose, and simply drags us
down. In the episode, Yael walks me through how parents can
evaluate guilty thoughts and interpret whether or not they’re
useful.





Emotional management can be an important way to model maturity to
teens. In our interview, Yael and I are breaking down how working
parents can also model career success to teens who are heading
into adulthood.



Modeling Passion And Purpose


Although we typically hope teens will listen to our words,
they’re more likely to pay attention to and emulate our actions.
Kids who are still figuring out their career path might turn to
parents to see an example of working adult life. If we want kids
to see a positive example of professional development, we have to
set one, says Yael.





Yael explains that we can label our work three different ways –as
a job, a career and a calling. When we see our profession as
simply a job, we often don’t attribute meaning to our work–which
not only makes us less happy and productive, but sets an example
to teens that work is just a miserable obligation.





 Viewing our work as a career is better, but embracing it as
a calling is ideal. When we see our working life as a way to find
purpose and passion, we’ll not only live more fulfilling lives,
but show teens that they can do the same, Yael says.





Teaching kids to change their attitude towards school,
extracurriculars, or part time jobs can be a great way to help
them start a positive relationship with career development as
well. In the episode, Yael and I talk about how she encouraged
her own son to approach his studies with more enthusiasm by
opening his mind up to the long-lasting benefits of academics.





Modeling career skills and emotional development helps prepare
teens for the challenges of the adult world–just one of the many
ways working parents can create harmony between their work life
and their family life.





In the Episode….


My conversation with Yael was incredibly eye-opening. On top of
the topics discussed above, we also talk about:


How stress can be beneficial

Why interruptions actually strengthen focus

How we can discover and define our values

Why labeling ourselves can be harmful



If you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Yael
on her podcast, Psychologists Off the Clock or at
yaelschonbrun.com. Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share
and subscribe and we’ll see you next week.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.