Ep 224: The Power of Peer Influence

Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift, joins us to discuss the
power that peer influence has over teens. Plus, how teens can
find great mentors and how the right friends always encourage
teens to expand their worldview.


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Full show notes


Teens are undeniably influenced by their peers. They adopt their
friends’ fashion, hobbies, attitudes and even opinions….for
better or for worse! 





Whomever your teen decides to spend time with, those people are
critical to your teens wellbeing. These individuals might
encourage your kids to follow their dreams and become their best
selves, or involve them in risky and regrettable behavior. That’s
why it's essential to understand the power of peer pressure–and
guide teens to make the right kind of friends.





To help us ensure that teens are hanging with the right crowd,
we’re talking to Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift. Justin
is a successful entrepreneur, professor of business at the
University of Washington, and the author of 12 books! He’s here
to share advice about forging healthy and helpful relationships,
gathered from both his professional life as a businessman and
personal life as a father of three!





In the episode, we discuss why it’s so essential that teens spend
time around peers who lift them up rather than those who drag
them down. Plus, how kids can find the right mentors, and 
how good companions can help teens expand their worldview.



The Power of Peer Influence


In the episode, Justin talks a lot about how teens can get in
with the “right” crowd–but not in a moral sense. Instead, these
friends should be the kind of people who encourage teens to
follow their dreams, find happiness and live their best lives. Of
course, no friend is going to be perfect, but a good companion
should motivate teens to feel confident and strive for self
improvement, Justin explains.





Justin and I talk about how teens can evaluate their friendships
to see if they’re bringing happiness or hindrance. He explains a
method that he refers to as the plus/minus statistic–a metric
borrowed from sports! Justin says that teens can weigh the good
and the bad to discover if teens’ friends are making their lives
better or holding them back. We talk further about the plus/minus
statistic in the episode, and how it can help teens surround
themselves with the right people.





Guiding teens to pick the right companions starts with
encouraging them to be self aware, Justin says. Sometimes teens
can be a bit oblivious to the negative parts of their
friendships, and refuse to think of their friends as bad
influences. 





Justin recommends sitting kids down and asking them to recount
their dreams, goals and vision for their life and then reflecting
on whether or not their friends are conducive to this dream–or
are actively keeping them from achieving it.





Beyond just peers, teens need mentors to push them in the right
direction. Justin and I are talking about how teenagers can find
the right mentor to guide them through their own personal
struggles and goals.





Finding Meaningful Mentors


Finding a great mentor requires teens to choose someone who’s
been through the same things they have, says Justin.  





Sometimes teens tend to gravitate towards those who have found
immense success in the field they aspire to…but oftentimes these
successful people were just lucky, says Justin. It’s even more
likely that these people had a leg-up in life, whether it's
inherited wealth, nepotism or simply an especially encouraging
family.





Justin encourages parents to reiterate this disparity to teens
who might find themselves frustrated by the success of others.
Other people might have simply been born with more athletic
ability or academic intelligence, or maybe their financially
comfortable background allowed them to study instead of spending
time working. Whatever the case may be, teens shouldn’t compare
themselves to peers or even adults who seem to excel
effortlessly.





In the end, these lucky people often make poor mentors, because
they haven’t gone through as much struggle as most other
successful people, said Justin. Finding mentors from a similar
background who are familiar with the same difficulties teens are
facing will create a much more successful mentor/mentee
experience at the end of the day, he says. In the episode, Justin
and I talk about all the different kinds of mentorship that teens
can take advantage of.





One of a mentor’s many roles is to help teens expand their
worldview. Justin and I are discussing how important it is for
teens to broaden their perspective and how strong relationships
with peers and mentors can help them do so.





Embracing New Perspectives


As teens grow up, they start to learn more about the world…and
sometimes think they know everything! That’s why it’s so
important for teens to be surrounded by people who put their
worldview to the test. 





Half the time, kids don’t even realize just how oblivious they
are to certain realities, and they need someone to broaden their
perspective. Justin uses the example of kids who grow up in
poverty and don’t even realize options like college could ever be
a reality for them–until they meet a role model who changes their
mind.





Parents, mentors and peers alike can help teens break out of
their comfort zone and rethink their lives by simply encouraging
them to take risks. In the episode, Justin and I talk about a
sort of mental immune system that we develop as we grow up and
start to filter “bad” things out and welcome “good'' things in.
Over time, we start to do it habitually, without even thinking,
leading us to reject things that seem unfamiliar or vaguely
threatening in any way. In our interview, Justin and I are
talking about how we can push teens to tweak this system and
invite new experiences into their lives.





As much as we try, parents can’t teach kids everything, and we’ll
always have certain blinds pots. To remedy this, Justin suggests
that parents find someone who can help kids in the areas where we
struggle to give guidance–like a younger relative or a career
professional. 





Arranging meetings or phone calls with someone who can give teens
valuable advice is a gentle and kind way to help kids learn about
the world and challenge their own opinions. With a greater
worldview, they’ll be able to envision possibilities for
themselves that they never imagined, growing one step closer to
living their best life.





In The Episode….


I had a wonderful time talking with Justin this week! On top of
the topics discussed above, we also talk about:


Why teens shouldn’t treat people as transactional

How to stop overthinking

What we can learn from Justin’s own parenting journey

How peer pressure can sometimes be positive



If you enjoyed this episode and want more from Justin, you can
find him at Blaney.app. Thanks for listening and don’t forget to
share and subscribe. See you next week!


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment