Ep 240: The Perfectionist’s Guide to Parenting

Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist’s Guide to
Losing Control, busts myths on perfectionism. Many people wear
perfectionism as a badge of honor, but in reality it is a
maladaptive behavior that can make parenting more difficult than
it already is!





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
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Today's show contains a discussion on suicide. If you or a loved
one is in crisis, please call the US National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline at (800)-273-TALK or (800) 273-8255. You can also text
them via Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741). All services are
free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a
week.


Full Show Notes


Raising teenagers in today's success-oriented society often
pushes both parents and teens towards a relentless pursuit of
perfection. Whether it's academic achievements, extracurricular
activities, or social standing, the pressure to excel and
maintain a 'perfect' image is ever-present. But what if the chase
for perfection is doing more harm than good? And how do we
differentiate between healthy ambition and harmful perfectionism?


This week on Talking to Teens, we're delving into the world of
perfectionism, balance, and the pressures faced by teenagers
today. We are joined by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a seasoned
therapist, speaker, and the insightful author of "The
Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and
Power". Katherine brings to the table a wealth of experience from
her time as an on-site therapist at Google, and a deep
understanding of the patterns of perfectionism observed in both
the digital and real world.


The Nuances of Perfectionism


Katherine helps us unravel the often misunderstood concept of
perfectionism. Far from being solely detrimental, perfectionism,
according to Schafler, can be divided into adaptive and
maladaptive categories. We explore how to recognize the signs of
each and the two critical questions to constantly ask ourselves
and our teens: "How are you striving?" and "Why are you
striving?"


Redefining Balance


Our conversation also tackles the modern notion of 'balance' and
how it has morphed into an unrealistic expectation of excelling
simultaneously in all areas of life. Katherine proposes a
refreshing perspective on achieving balance - hint: it involves
doing less, not more.


The Power of Language in Suicide Prevention


One of the most poignant parts of our discussion centers around
the sensitive subject of suicide - a leading cause of death among
teenagers. Katherine highlights the importance of direct and open
communication, and shares the "life-saving question" parents
should not shy away from asking.


Embracing Wholeness and Compassion


Lastly, we dive into the concept of 'perfection' from its
etymological roots, asserting that being 'perfect' is about
embracing our complete selves, flaws included. We also tackle the
challenge of fostering self-compassion in teenagers, an essential
tool for navigating the ups and downs of adolescence with
resilience.


In this Episode...


- Distinguishing between adaptive and maladaptive forms of
perfectionism
- Understanding the real meaning of balance and how to achieve
it
- The importance of direct communication in suicide prevention
among teens
- Encouraging self-compassion and the acceptance of one's whole
self in teenagers
- Practical tips for parents to assist their teens in healthy
striving and self-acceptance


If you're navigating the complex journey of raising a teenager,
seeking to understand the delicate balance between encouraging
ambition and fostering well-being, this episode is for you. We
delve deep into how to guide our teenagers towards a healthier,
more compassionate approach to their personal and academic
ambitions.


Listen to the episode to gain valuable insights into nurturing a
balanced, perfectionism-aware household and subscribe to "Talking
to Teens" for more guidance on the art and science of parenting
teenagers.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.