Ep 246: What to Say to Get Your Way

Jonah Berger, author of Magic Words, teaches us techniques for
what to say to get our way. An expert on influencing techniques,
Dr Berger clues us in on the six types of language and which to
use to get through to stubborn teens.





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Full Show Notes


Raising teens is no small feat, especially when it comes to
communication. How often do parents find themselves at a loss for
words, trying to guide, persuade, or connect with their
ever-changing teenagers? Yet, what if the solution to improving
these conversations was hidden in the very words we select?
Today, we're exploring the potent impact of language on
influencing and understanding your teenager.


In this enlightening episode, we're joined by Dr. Jonah Berger, a
renowned expert in language and social influence. Jonah's
research and his latest book, "Magic Words: What to Say to Get
Your Way," shed light on how subtle changes in the words we
choose can dramatically shift the outcomes of our interactions.
His insights are particularly compelling for parents navigating
the complex dynamics of teenage communication.


The Science of "Speak": Understanding Teenage
Brains


Teenagers are complex. Their brains are rapidly developing,
leading to unique patterns of thinking and communication. Jonah's
framework, the “Speak” model, identifies key strategies grounded
in this developmental understanding, helping parents harness the
power of language effectively.


One powerful takeaway from our conversation is the transformation
of actions into identities. Learn how framing requests or
expectations in terms of identity ("be a helper" instead of
"help") can motivate teens more effectively and shape their
self-perception positively.


"Could" Versus "Should": Empowering Teen
Decision-Making


The dilemma of "could" versus "should" in language illustrates
how empowering teens to consider a range of possibilities, rather
than imposing singular shoulds, can lead to more creative and
autonomous decision-making. This approach fosters critical
thinking and encourages resilience in facing challenges.


Jonah delves into the intriguing effects of verb tense and
perspective on motivation and confidence, revealing that how we
talk about the past, present, and future can inspire action and
reduce anxiety in teenagers, paving the way for greater
self-assurance and achievement.


Navigating Accusations and Responsibility with
Care


The discussion also highlights the need for caution in using
words like "you," which can inadvertently place blame or create
resistance. Understanding this nuance is crucial for maintaining
open lines of communication and avoiding unnecessary conflict.


Finally, Jonah discusses the balance between expressing certainty
to convey confidence and showing uncertainty to foster connection
and empathy. Parents can learn when and how to use each approach
to strengthen their relationships with their teens.


In the Episode…


Don't miss these additional insights covered in our conversation
with Jonah:


   - Strategies for using language to build teen
self-esteem
   - The role of language in conflict resolution with
teens
   - How parents can model effective communication for
their teens
   - Tips for making routine conversations with
teenagers more impactful


This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone looking to
improve their communication with teenagers. Jonah Berger's
research offers a new lens through which to view our everyday
exchanges, making this a must-listen for parents, educators, and
anyone who interacts with teens regularly.


Don't forget to share this episode and subscribe to "Talking to
Teens." Join us next week for more insights on navigating the
challenges and joys of raising teenagers.





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.