Ep 257: From Grieving to Resilient Parent

Jarie Bolander, author of Ride or Die, shares his experience of
parenting through grief and the stigma that comes with it as a
man. His journey through grief toward resilience is a testament
to the power of vulnerability with our teens and others.





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Full Show Notes


Parenting teenagers can often feel like an underappreciated
marathon. You pour your heart and soul into managing their lives
- from keeping a roof over their heads to navigating their
emotional storms - only to be met with what seems like a
bottomless pit of demands and indifference. But, is this struggle
unique to parenting, or is it a universal sentiment felt by
caregivers at large?


Jarie Bolander found himself plunged into an intense caregiving
role when his wife, Jane, was diagnosed with leukemia. As he
juggled his business, hers, and her complete medical and
emotional care, he encountered a profound sense of being
unappreciated. Surprisingly, his journey mirrors many elements of
parenting teenagers.


Jarie is an author and entrepreneur, brings a unique perspective
to the table. With a background in writing business books and a
personal journey through tragic loss, Jarie’s recent memoir,
*Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir*, offers
deep insights into the emotional landscape of care, love, and
appreciation.


Insights on Gratitude and Control


Jarie's experience with his wife's illness brought to light how
feelings of ungratefulness often stem from a lack of control.
This insight resonates with the teen-parent dynamic, where
teenagers' striving for independence clashes with parental
control, often manifesting as a seeming lack of gratitude.


Standards of Behavior and Aspirations


Drawing parallels between caregiving and stepping into a
parenting role for a teenager, Jarie emphasizes setting standards
of behavior and providing role models for aspiration. He
advocates for open dialogues and rational decision-making that
respects the teenager's burgeoning sense of autonomy.


The Lessons of Love and Loss


Jarie's narrative isn't just about the hard times. It's a lesson
in gratitude, resilience, and the human capacity for love. His
journey through caregiving, loss, and stepping into a stepparent
role sheds light on the universal challenges of caring for
another and the profound growth it can stimulate.


Topics Covered:


- The parallels between caregiving for a terminally ill spouse
and parenting teenagers
- How feelings of ungratefulness can arise from a perceived lack
of control
- The importance of setting expectations and standards of
behavior for teenagers
- Balancing guidance with allowing autonomy
- The transformative power of facing tragedy and finding love and
happiness again


Listen to the Episode:


Jarie's story is both heart-wrenching and inspirational, offering
profound insights for any parent feeling underappreciated or
struggling to connect with their teenager. His experiences remind
us of the importance of understanding, patience, and open
communication.


Don't miss this powerful episode. Subscribe to Talking to Teens
to hear more enlightening discussions that can help you navigate
the complexities of teen parenting.





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.