Ep 260: How to Turn Setbacks into Success

Michelle Icard, author of Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a
Success, returns to clue us in on what to say and do when our
teens stumble and fall. We cover Michelle’s easy three-step
method to speaking to your teen about any failure.  





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that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
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Full Show Notes


Setbacks and failures might seem like the worst things for teens,
but they can actually be pivotal moments that build character
strengths. In her new book "Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child
a Success," psychologist and parenting expert Michelle Icard
flips the script on our instinct to shield teens from failure.
Instead of seeing failure as something to avoid, Michelle helps
reframe these experiences as opportunities for teens to grow.


In this episode, Michelle walks us through the three steps she's
identified to help teens leverage setbacks on their way to
adulthood: separating emotions from events, identifying lessons
and values, and planning next steps. We also discuss common
setbacks teens face involving friendships, academics, digital
life, values, and more. Michelle shares advice for how parents
can respond in helpful ways, have constructive conversations, and
model resilience.


Why Failure Matters


It's natural for parents to want to protect their teens from
hurt, but experiencing failure is how teens build grit and
perseverance. Setbacks teach problem-solving skills that are
essential for adulthood. Still, watching your teen struggle can
be painful. Michelle explains failure is part of an age-old
process of identity formation common to cultures across history.
Understanding this developmental path can help reframe our
perspective.


Michelle also describes her three-step method to help teens
process failures in productive ways. By separating emotions,
identifying lessons, and planning next actions, parents can guide
teens through setbacks without shame. Avoiding judgment and
punishment is key.


Common Setbacks Teens Face


Michelle outlines eight of the most common setbacks teens
experience today in areas like friendships, school, social media
use, values conflicts, risky behaviors, looks and body image,
planning for the future, and more. She shares real-life examples
and typical parent reactions, explaining how to reframe these
cases as learning opportunities.


We dive deeper into a few specific scenarios. Michelle offers
insights into tricky situations like helping teens struggling to
make friends, addressing rule-breaking and risky behavior,
navigating conflicts over values, and guiding teens anxious about
the future. Her advice helps move interactions from blame and
anger to openness and growth.


Modeling Resilience


Experiencing failure isn’t just part of growing up for teens,
it’s an inevitable part of life for adults too. Michelle
describes how parents can use their own setbacks as teaching
moments. By modeling resilience, honesty, and emotional
management, parents show their teens how to transform trials into
personal triumphs.





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.