Ep 271: Navigating the Teen Loneliness Epidemic

Simone Heng, author of "Let's Talk About Loneliness," joins us to
explain why loneliness is reaching epidemic levels among teens,
how it rewires the teenage brain, and what steps we can take as
parents to help our kids reset and relate.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full Show Notes


Loneliness is reaching epidemic levels among today's teenagers.
Studies show teens are lonelier than any other generation, with
10 out of 11 feelings of loneliness. As kids withdraw socially,
they get caught in a negative feedback loop where loneliness
leads to more loneliness.


How can we help pull teens out of this dangerous downward spiral?
How can we raise kids equipped for meaningful human connections
when devices and social media threaten to replace in-person
relating?


This week we’re exploring the teenage loneliness crisis, why it’s
happening, and what we can do about it. We’re joined by Simone
Heng, author of the new book “Let’s Talk About Loneliness.”


Simone is a speaker and former broadcaster focused on human
connection. She’s here to explain why loneliness can be so
devastating to the developing teenage brain, how teens end up
self-isolating, and what small steps we can take to foster more
connectivity at home and beyond.


Why Loneliness Rewires the Teenage Brain


Loneliness isn’t just an emotional experience – it changes the
actual structure and functioning of the brain, explains Simone.
When we don’t get enough in-person interaction, our brains
downgrade the areas meant for processing social cues and relating
to others.


Simone describes how chronic stress from loneliness keeps our
body in fight-or-flight mode, releasing excess adrenaline and
cortisol. This is meant to motivate us to go out and connect. But
instead, lonely teens withdraw even further, caught in a vicious
cycle.


The overloaded stress response starts to dampen teen’s immune
systems, reduce cognition, and make them more prone to disorders
later on. At a time when kids need to be developing social
skills, loneliness causes their abilities atrophy.


Simone and I discuss how this epidemic of disconnection is
intertwined with the digital age, where teens derive a false
sense of “connection” from screens and devices. She explains why
online interaction will never truly satisfy our brain’s hardwired
need for in-person relating.


Escaping the Downward Spiral


The solution for loneliness isn’t one-size-fits-all, explains
Simone. Because each teen’s stress response system functions
differently, they need personalized strategies for resetting
their body to healthy baseline functioning.


Simone suggests getting teen’s cortisol levels tested to find out
specifics on their stress response. She then offers
individualized nutrition plans, sleep recommendations, and more
tailored support. General tips include getting teens outdoors,
helping them identify and connect with their values, and limiting
time online.


An important step is also examining our own stress, says Simone.
Kids pick up on parents’ tension, so we have to model self-care,
healthy relating, and good boundaries around technology use.


Fostering Human Connection at Home


When teens isolate in their rooms, it can seem impossible to draw
them out. But Simone suggests reframing device use as a privilege
to be earned through family connection.


She gives examples like asking teens to put phones away during
parts of family dinners or outings. We can challenge teens to go
on “silent walks” without headphones, and actually engage with
the people they pass. We can also prompt them to observe social
dynamics when out together, almost as field research rather than
always defaulting to screens.


With some creativity and commitment to disconnecting from
devices, we can develop little rituals of relating that help
fulfill our human need for community, says Simone. We just have
to be willing to model it ourselves.


Additional topics covered:


The rise of social anxiety in youth

Why teens hold friends to impossible standards

The importance of eye contact & micro-connections

How to balance social media use

The power of humility & apology



If you enjoyed this week’s show don’t forget to subscribe so you
never miss an episode. See you next week!





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.