Ep 276: Your Teen's Bullsh*t Brain

Lance Burdett, author of Dark Side of the Brain, explains why
teens generate unhelpful thoughts and how we can reframe anxious
thinking by getting comfortable with discomfort.


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that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
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Full Show Notes


Raising teenagers can feel like navigating an emotional minefield
blindfolded. Their moods swing rapidly from joyful to gloomy,
their friendships feel fleeting, and their interests change every
five minutes. Meanwhile, the pressure to get good grades, gain
college acceptance and determine their entire future weighs
heavily on their shoulders.


It’s no wonder teens get overwhelmed by this cocktail of
hormones, peer pressure and looming adulthood. Their brains are
firing on all cylinders, trying desperately to make sense of it
all. Often, this neural chaos manifests as worry, anxiety,
negative thought patterns and even depression.


So how can we help teens move through this rocky passage of life?
How can we get them to open up about their mental struggles
instead of shutting down? Most importantly, how can we empower
them to reframe unhelpful thoughts and take control of their own
wellbeing?


To gain some perspective, we’re speaking with Lance Burdett, a
former police crisis negotiator turned adolescent mental health
expert. Lance has worked extensively with teens and parents to
help them understand the “Dark Side of the Brain” – the automatic
negative thought patterns that often arise during times of
stress.


In his book Dark Side of the Brain and on today’s episode, Lance
is explaining the science behind our brain’s threat detection
system that generates needless worry. He’s also revealing why
it’s okay for teens to admit they’re not okay – as long as they
ask for help afterward. We discuss how parents can model
self-care, help teens reframe anxious thoughts and teach kids to
get comfortable with discomfort.


Why Our Brains Make Sh*t Up


The human brain developed mainly to keep our ancestors alive on
the African savanna over two million years ago. This means our
brains are wired first and foremost for survival, not happiness,
Lance explains.


When our ancestors encountered threats like predators, adverse
weather or lack of resources, their brains kicked into high
alert, pumping out adrenaline and cortisol to ready the body for
fight or flight. Unfortunately, our modern brains can’t tell the
difference between a lion attack and a mean comment on Instagram.
So teens often experience an exaggerated stress response to
non-life-threatening issues like peer drama or academic pressure.


This is why teens frequently catastrophize small problems, assume
the worst and spiral into intense worry, Lance says. Their brains
are simply acting on evolutionary impulses that once kept humans
safe – but now cause needless stress. Understanding the brain’s
tendency to “make shit up” can help teens reframe anxious
thoughts as just their brains being overprotective.


It’s Okay to Say “I’m Not Okay”


Parents often tell struggling teens that “it’s okay not to be
okay” to encourage them to open up about their troubles. But
Lance warns that this mantra can be dangerous if left by itself,
as it makes mental distress seem permissible. Instead, he
advocates adding a second half – “it’s okay to say I’m not
okay...as long as I ask for help afterward.”


The most vital step for teens is the help-asking, Lance stresses.
Admitting one is not okay is only the first move. What matters
next is having teens reach out to friends, family members,
counselors or crisis lines to get the support they need.


Lance explains that previous generations hid mental health
struggles due to stigma. But today’s teens can be more open about
feeling depressed, anxious, overwhelmed or suicidal – on the
condition that they let caring adults know they need support.
Saying “I’m not okay” is the starting point, not the solution
itself.


Running Towards Discomfort


As parents, we often try to smooth out every bump in the road for
our teens to give them comfortable, happy lives. But Lance argues
that facing difficulty is how teens build grit and perseverance.
He uses the mantra “run toward the fire” to illustrate that teens
should challenge themselves and even pursue discomfort - not
despite their anxiety, but because of it.


Lance encourages parents to step back from constantly intervening
on a teen’s behalf with teachers and coaches. By facing problems
head-on, teens gain confidence handling difficult situations.
Start small by encouraging a shy teen to order their own food at
a restaurant, Lance suggests. Taking ownership of tiny challenges
gives teens courage to handle bigger hardships down the road.


Discomfort also breeds self-awareness, Lance explains. Trying new
things pushes teens outside their comfort zones where they can
gain insight about their skills, values and preferences. Lance
suggests parents promote diverse activities to acquaint teens
with unfamiliar peers and experiences. Pushing boundaries expands
their worldviews - which leads to personal growth.


In the Episode...


My conversation with Lance was incredibly eye-opening. On top of
the topics above, we also discuss:


Why teens desperately need more sleep

How to reframe suicidal thoughts

Why goals and worry aren’t the enemy

How parents can model self-care 



Check out Lance’s website at lanceburdett.com to learn more!
Thanks for listening - be sure to subscribe wherever you get your
podcasts!





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.