Ep 284: Understanding Your Tween: The Journey of Growth

Tanith Carey, author of What's My Tween Thinking?, returns to
discuss the distinct challenges and opportunities of parenting
tweens, focusing on identity development, handling changing
family dynamics, navigating peer influence, and fostering
emotional awareness and introspection in 8 to 12-year-olds.


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Full Show Notes


As parents, witnessing our child morph from a carefree kid into a
tween can sometimes feel like navigating uncharted waters. The
tween years, traditionally seen as a quiet phase before the storm
of the teenage years, are now understood to be a crucial period
of identity development and emotional growth. It's a time when
children start to question their place in the world, develop
deeper peer relationships, and often begin to seek independence
from their families.


This week on Talking to Teens, we’re joined by Tanith Carey, a
renowned author and educator known for her insightful books on
parenting, including the highly-praised What's My Tween
Thinking?. Tanith offers her expertise to unravel the complex
emotional landscape of tweens and provides practical advice for
guiding them through this pivotal stage.


Identity Exploration and Peer Influence


The tween years are marked by a significant exploration of
identity. Tanith explains that as children move through this
phase, they start to compare themselves to their peers, which can
lead to new insecurities and doubts. The establishment of more
defined friendship groups also introduces tweens to the
complexities of social hierarchies and conflicts. Tanith stresses
the importance of preparing tweens for these experiences by
discussing the broader picture, helping them understand the
nature of social dynamics and encouraging self-reflection and
emotional awareness.


Navigating Family Dynamics and Independence


As tweens seek more independence, family dynamics can shift
dramatically. Tanith shares how parents can manage these changes,
from the tween's desire for private space to their evolving way
of relating to family members. She emphasizes respect for the
tween's growing need for autonomy while maintaining open lines of
communication and connection.


Tackling Tough Topics and Social Media Influence


Tanith and Andy dive into some of the more challenging aspects of
parenting tweens, including handling exposure to negative
societal messages and navigating the digital landscape. Tanith
offers advice on discussing sensitive topics like appearance,
peer pressure, and the impact of social media, highlighting the
importance of encouraging tweens to critically evaluate the
messages they receive and to develop a strong sense of
self-awareness.


Encouraging Emotional Awareness and
Introspection


One of the key themes throughout the episode is the importance of
fostering emotional awareness and introspection in tweens. Tanith
shares strategies for helping tweens tune into their feelings and
bodily sensations as a way of understanding their emotions,
making healthier choices, and developing resilience. This focus
on introspection is particularly vital in an age dominated by
digital distractions and societal pressures.


In the Episode…


Apart from the topics mentioned above, Tanith and Andy also
discuss:  
- The implications of early puberty and the impact on tweens'
self-image.  
- Strategies for encouraging open discussions about difficult
topics, including misogyny and consent.  
- The importance of modeling healthy emotional regulation and
empathy.  
- Ways to support tweens in finding their "spark" or passion.
 
- Techniques for balancing screen time with real-world activities
and social interactions.


Tanith Carey's work provides invaluable insights into the tween
mind, offering practical tips and compassionate guidance for
parents navigating these formative years. Her evidence-based
approach emphasizes the importance of understanding,
communication, and emotional intelligence in fostering healthy
development and strong parent-tween relationships.


Don’t miss this enlightening conversation on what it means to
parent a tween in today's world. Tune in to learn more about how
you can support your tween’s journey of self-discovery and
emotional growth. Subscribe to the Talking to Teens podcast for
more expert advice on the art and science of parenting teenagers.





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.