Ep 291: Parenting a "Problem Child"

Kristina Kuzmic, author of I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told
Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, shares personal
insights on handling teen depression, substance use, and the
importance of connection over control in parent-child
relationships.


Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.


Full Show Notes


Parenting a struggling teen comes with challenges that can often
feel insurmountable. Whether you're facing issues like lying,
substance use, tantrums, or even violence and aggression, it’s
easy to feel overwhelmed and at a loss for solutions.
Understanding how to foster an environment where your child feels
seen and supported—despite the chaos—can make a significant
difference in both your lives.


When Kristin Kuzmic's son began showing signs of severe
depression and substance use during his teen years, she embarked
on a journey to understand, support, and ultimately help him
heal. Her story, detailed in her latest book, I Can Fix This and
Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child,
offers a wealth of knowledge for parents in similar situations.


Joining us on the show today, Kristina explains how her initial
reluctance about sharing her journey turned into a powerful
testimony of the strength and resilience required to parent a
struggling child. With her son’s blessing and contribution, the
book became a crucial resource for parents dealing with similar
issues.


Identifying Signs of Struggle


Kristina noticed her son's change in behavior around age 12—what
began as typical teenage mood swings escalated into serious signs
of depression. From isolating behaviors to violent outbursts,
Kristina's home became a battleground. Persistent therapy
sessions seemed futile until the deeper issues at play were
properly identified as clinical depression. Recognizing that
these behaviors are symptoms of deeper issues, not simple teenage
rebellion, was a vital step in addressing his struggles.


Connection Over Control


A theme that permeates Kristina’s approach is the necessity of
connection over control. She emphasizes that the first instinct
of many parents—controlling behavior—is often counterproductive.
Instead, she advocates for a connection-driven approach, focusing
on truly understanding your child’s individual struggles and
needs. Practical steps like using grounding techniques and
calming your own responses to their actions can open up channels
for genuine communication and support.


The Power of Showing Up


Throughout Luca’s most troubling times, Kristina maintained a
constant presence in his life, even when he tried pushing her
away. This persistent showing up helped build a foundation of
trust that eventually allowed her son to turn to her in his
moments of deepest need. This approach is a testament to the
importance of being physically and emotionally present, even when
it feels like you're not making a difference.


Navigating the Maze of Mental Health Support


From psychiatric care to residential treatment centers, Kristina
and her family navigated the complex mental health system. She
shares valuable advice on making these decisions and finding the
right support systems while emphasizing the importance of consent
and involvement from the struggling teen.


The Overlooked "Good" Child


While dealing with a struggling child, it’s easy to overlook
siblings who appear to be coping well. Kristina warns parents
against this oversight, sharing how her daughter suffered
silently while maintaining a facade of stability. Ensuring that
all children in a family receive the attention and support they
need, regardless of apparent signs of distress, is crucial.


Self-Care is Not Selfish


Kristina discusses the often neglected topic of parental
self-care. Facing the immense emotional toll of supporting a
struggling teen, parents might feel guilty for any
self-indulgence or personal time. However, Kristina argues that
taking care of oneself is also an essential part of being an
effective, compassionate parent. Both her anecdotal experiences
and the transformative advice from her friend Zach highlight that
parents maintaining their personal well-being inadvertently lift
a significant burden off their children.


Communicate Clearly, Even with a Spouse


Another key element Kristina found beneficial was maintaining
open communication with her spouse through daily emails. This
practice allowed them to express emotions and concerns without
confrontation, resulting in a stronger partnership and a united
front in dealing with their son’s struggles.


In the Episode...


Throughout our conversation, Kristina offers profound wisdom and
practical advice for parents dealing with similar challenges.
Other topics we cover include:


- How to address violent behavior stemming from depression


- Strategies for creating a trust-based rather than control-based
relationship


- How enforcing too much consistency may actually be
counterproductive


- How to spot signs of hidden depression in “good” kids


If you are a parent, guardian, or anyone concerned about a
struggling teen, you won't want to miss this episode. Kristina
Kuzmic’s book, I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While
Parenting My Struggling Child, provides a deeply personal yet
universally valuable account. For more updates, Kristina can be
found on social media under @KristinaKuzmic. Don’t forget to
share and subscribe for more insightful episodes like this one!





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.