Ep 294: Understanding Gender Beyond the Binary

Diane Ehrensaft, author of "The Gender Creative Child," joins us
to discuss the complexities of gender identity and expression in
today's teens, offering parents insights on how to support their
children through gender exploration and creativity.


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Full Show Notes


When it comes to raising teenagers, one of the most complex and
delicate topics parents may face is the evolving concept of
gender. In today’s world, many young people are exploring gender
creativity, challenging traditional norms, and seeking to express
their true selves in ways that might be daunting for their
parents to understand. Navigating this landscape requires
empathy, open-mindedness, and reliable information to help ensure
that teens feel supported and validated in their journey.


For parents, the idea of kids thinking beyond the male-female
binary or even the spectrum can seem overwhelming. Gender today
is more like a web, interwoven with threads of nature, nurture,
and culture. Each child's gender identity and expression are
unique and evolving, often influenced by their experiences and
interactions. How can parents help their teens weave these
complexities into a coherent and authentic sense of self?


To shed light on this, we’re joined by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, a
developmental and clinical psychologist, the co-founder and
director of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, and an
associate professor of pediatrics. Diane’s work has been featured
across numerous reputable platforms, including the New York Times
and NPR. She’s also the author of "The Gender Creative Child."
Diane is here to offer her expert insights on how teens and their
families can navigate gender creativity.


Understanding the Gender Web


Diane introduces the concept of the "gender web," a more dynamic
and multi-dimensional way to think about gender, beyond linear
spectrums and binary boxes. Using three major threads—nature
(biological aspects), nurture (environmental influences), and
culture (societal norms)—Diane suggests that every person's
gender web is uniquely woven, constantly evolving over time. This
web model helps us appreciate the complexities of gender and
underscores the importance of allowing space for this evolution
in our children.


Breaking Away from Boxes


Instead of confining identities to rigid categories like "boy" or
"girl," a more flexible approach can be incredibly liberating for
kids. Diane shares fascinating anecdotes of children who have
described themselves using terms like "gender hybrid" and "gender
smoothie." These self-descriptions reflect an understanding of
gender that goes beyond traditional norms. Diane emphasizes the
importance of respecting both the fluid and stable aspects of a
child's gender identity.


Apples, Oranges, and Fruit Salads


Diane explains different gender identities through her "apples,
oranges, and fruit salads" metaphor. Children who have a clear,
stable gender identity from an early age are the "apples."
"Oranges" are those who explore their gender creatively but
without a persistent disconnect from their assigned gender.
"Fruit salads" mix both gender identity and expression in unique
ways. Understanding these distinctions can help parents better
support their teens, regardless of where they fall on this
spectrum.


The Role of Parents: De-centering and Support


Parenting a gender-creative child also involves self-reflection
and emotional intelligence. Diane discusses the importance of
"de-centering," where parents set aside their own ambitions and
expectations to better listen to and support their child’s
expressed needs and identities. Recognizing and addressing our
own unconscious biases and microaggressions is also critical to
fostering a supportive environment.


Medical Interventions


For parents considering medical support for their gender-creative
teens, Diane provides clarity on the types and timing of medical
interventions, including puberty blockers and hormone replacement
therapy. These interventions are carefully considered and catered
to each individual, with a rigorous assessment process to ensure
they are in the best interest of the child's welfare.


In the Episode...


Dr. Diane Ehrensaft’s expertise offers a valuable guide for
parents seeking to support their gender-creative children. In our
conversation, we also discuss:


 - The importance of understanding and using the right
terminology


 - How teens can explore their identities safely and
responsibly


 - The cultural shifts influencing how we see gender today


 - The role of online communities and how they impact gender
exploration



If you found this conversation enlightening, don’t miss out on
Diane’s forthcoming book "Gender Explained," co-authored with
Michelle Jerkowitz. Stay connected with Diane via her website,
dianeehrensaft.com, for more insights. Thanks for listening!
Don’t forget to share, subscribe, and join us next week.





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.