Ep 311: Highly Gifted Teens Need Support Too

Dr. Matthew Zakreski, author of The Neurodivergent Playbook,
joins us to discuss the unique challenges of raising gifted and
twice exceptional teens, emphasizing social-emotional learning,
handling failures, and fostering authentic connections.


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Full Show Notes





Raising a gifted or exceptionally intelligent teenager sounds
like a dream come true. However, studies reveal that when teens
exhibit extraordinary abilities in one area, they often face
challenges in other aspects of their lives. Managing these
disparities while ensuring your child thrives remains an
intricate part of parenting that requires careful strategy and
understanding.


Our guest for this episode, Dr. Matthew Zakreski, brings
invaluable insights into this balancing act. As a clinical
psychologist specializing in neurodivergent children and teens,
and the author of The Neurodivergent Playbook, Matthew has both
personal and professional experience in dealing with giftedness
and twice exceptionality. Identified as a gifted child himself,
Matthew understands the highs and lows that come with high
intelligence paired with conditions like ADHD—an understanding he
now incorporates into his work with neurodivergent teens.


In the episode, Matthew and I delve into how parents can nurture
the potential of their teens while addressing their struggles. We
discuss the phenomenon of skill transfer and how balancing
advanced abilities with areas where teens might lag can be
challenging but manageable with the right approach. Matthew
emphasizes fostering a deeper understanding of neurodivergence,
granting children the permission to embrace their uniqueness.


Social-Emotional Learning and Authentic
Connections


One of the poignant topics discussed is the concept of
social-emotional learning (SEL). Matthew notes that while it
might seem natural for all teens to navigate social interactions,
gifted children often miss out on learning important social
skills because they float through academic challenges without
needing these coping strategies. Educating kids on these skills
systematically allows them to develop into more autonomous and
socially-aware individuals, ready to face the tumultuous teen
years with resilience.


Authenticity plays a crucial role in these interactions. Teens
often crave genuine connections, and as parents, showing your
true self can help bridge any perceived gaps. Sharing personal
stories, initiating honest conversations, and validating their
experiences can significantly impact their social development.


Handling Failures and Building Resilience


Failure is inevitable, but it is also an essential part of
growth. Matthew shares insightful anecdotes about allowing teens
to experience failures and learn from them. The key is finding
the balance between guiding them through their mistakes and
letting them navigate their challenges. This includes
understanding what it means to fail and planning how to respond
when things don't go as planned. Providing a supportive
environment where teens know they are not alone in their
struggles can help mitigate the emotional fallout from failure.


Matthew's approach involves recognizing replacement language
teens might use to mask their true feelings. Phrases like “I hate
school” or “Everyone hates me” often conceal more profound
emotional states. By addressing the feelings behind these
statements, parents can better support their teens through their
emotional upheavals.


The Power of Pro-social Behavior


Matthew sheds light on the importance of teaching teens
pro-social behaviors—balancing their needs with the needs of
others without leaning too far towards selflessness or
selfishness. Real-world scenarios like navigating peer pressure,
handling social dynamics, or making ethical decisions at parties
highlight the need for such skills. Encouraging mutual respect
and understanding can significantly improve teens' social
interactions and emotional well-being.


Additional Insights in the Episode


How living authentically connects to social development

The concept of 'body doubling' as a motivational tool

Strategies for motivating bored and disengaged teens

The balance between embracing passions and managing practical
responsibilities



By implementing strategies that enhance social-emotional
learning, encourage handling failures gracefully, and foster
authentic connections, we can better support our neurodivergent
teens in navigating their unique journeys.


If you loved this conversation and want more from Matthew
Zakreski, be sure to check out his book, The Neurodivergent
Playbook, which offers a treasure trove of advice, stories, and
research tailored for parents of neurodivergent teens. Don’t
forget to subscribe, share, and tune in to our podcast for more
insightful episodes!


Learn more about Matthew’s work at the Neurodiversity Collective
or follow his speaking engagements at drmattzakreski.com.





Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment
that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more
information, and a free consultation.