194 Reimagining Relationships

When something isn't working, even if you’ve been practicing
non-monogamy for a long time, it’s really easy to default into
the monogamous paradigm, which offers only a few set options. But
what if there was another way?


Reimagining a relationship means creating something new. It's
different from de-escalation (which implies undoing a path you've
taken) or uncoupling (which implies ending). Instead, reimagining
opens space to explore what your relationship could become if you
moved beyond your current ideas of what it is or was supposed to
be.


This process requires courage, patience, and a willingness to
step into the unknown together. It's challenging work, but it can
lead to beautiful new forms of connection that honor both your
history and your ability to grow and change.


In this episode, we talk about:


— Why reimagining is different from de-escalation or uncoupling,
and how it implies continuity rather than ending


— The importance of acknowledging that our imagination is our
relationship in many ways


— How mononormativity limits our options when relationships need
to change (stay together, break up, or be miserable)


— The necessity of creating a "liminal container" – a dedicated
time and space for the reimagining process


— Why grief work is essential before you can truly reimagine
something new


— The challenge of letting go of what was while maintaining
connection


— How repair work fits into reimagination (hint: you can't skip
it!)


— The importance of nervous system regulation during times of
uncertainty


— Why creating new, explicit agreements is crucial for your
reimagined relationship


— The value of celebrating when you successfully reimagine a
relationship into something new


— How the language of "reimagining" itself can be empowering and
create possibilities


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller


— Episode 152: How to Take Intentional Relationship Breaks


— Episode 172: Grieving Change


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions