Playing With Fire

When you've been together for years, it's easy to let your relationship run on autopilot. But what happens when you need to reconnect, especially after a difficult period? In this episode, we share our personal journey of creating an intentional retreat to nurture our established relationship after 18 months of significant changes and challenges. We believe that established relationships deserve just as much intentional care as new ones—maybe even more so! The routines and patterns that develop over time can either support your connection or slowly erode it. By creating a specific container for reconnection, we discovered a renewed sense of love and appreciation for each other that surprised even us. We’re breaking down: — How we created a 5-day retreat to nurture our established relationship energy — The power of using a Minimum Viable Agreement (MVA) to create clear expectations and boundaries for our time together — Why choosing a familiar environment reduced the need for resilience and allowed us to focus on each other — The importance of regular check-ins to stay connected without falling into hypervigilance — How practicing differentiation (recognizing where you end and your partner begins) creates space for authentic connection — The value of having a "parking lot" for relationship issues that need discussion but can wait — Using regulation tools when things get emotionally challenging, especially around intimacy — Why explicit communication is crucial for preventing resentment from unmet implicit expectations — How repair tools like our soft safe word "marshmallow" and the apology and accountability ladder helped us navigate difficult moments — The necessity of preparation when creating intentional relationship experiences Resources mentioned in this episode: — NSI (Neuro Somatic Intelligence) techniques — The Apology and Accountability Ladder and other repair techniques JOIN The Year Of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms that shape how we see the world. In this episode, we welcome Marla Schreiber, author of the new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm, to discuss what it truly means to question and move beyond mononormativity. Marla brings a fresh perspective as someone who's been practicing polyamory since 2005, when resources were scarce and community was hard to find. Their journey offers valuable insights for anyone questioning relationship structures or feeling constrained by societal expectations. Paradigm shifts aren't just intellectual exercises—they're deeply personal transformations that require courage, patience, and a willingness to exist in uncertainty. Whether you're considering non-monogamy or simply questioning other societal norms, this conversation offers wisdom about the challenging but rewarding process of creating your own path. In this episode, we talk about: — What paradigms are and why they're so difficult to challenge — The humbling experience of trying to create new relationship structures without established models — How mono-normativity is embedded not just in our social world but in legal systems and economic structures — Why it takes 3-5 years (or more!) to truly begin shifting paradigms — The scarcity model that underlies mono-normativity and how it affects our sense of security — Why "exclusivity" often stands in for deeper values and needs that can be met in other ways — How couples privilege operates and why it's challenging to recognize when you're benefiting from it — The courage required to question your approach, even after years of practice — Why defiance can be a powerful tool when challenging established norms — The importance of staying in the "unknown" rather than rushing to create new rigid structures Resources mentioned in this episode: — Marla Schreiber's new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm — Marla’s socials: @PolyaMarla — Marla's newsletter at polyamarla.com — The new edition of More Than Two JOIN The Year Of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we think about altered states of consciousness, we often focus on individual experiences. But what happens when we bring psychedelics into our relationships—especially non-monogamous ones? The potential for healing, connection, and transformation is immense, but so are the risks if we're not careful about our approach. In this episode, we're joined by Dr. Nicole Thompson, a queer, non-monogamous sex and relationship psychotherapist with training in psychedelic integration therapy. Nicole is the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast and founder of The Pleasure Practice. Her groundbreaking doctoral research is the first study on relationship anarchy, and she brings a wealth of knowledge about how psychedelics can support relational liberation. In this episode, we talk about: — How psychedelics function as "non-specific amplifiers" that can enhance whatever is present in your relationships (both the good and challenging aspects) — The crucial importance of set, setting, and integration when using psychedelics for relationship exploration — Why community is medicine—both in psychedelic experiences and non-monogamy — The parallels between non-monogamy and psychedelics as mind-expanding experiences that challenge cultural norms — How psychedelics can help us experience our bodies differently and reconnect with sensation after trauma — The neuroplasticity that occurs during and after psychedelic experiences (and how to make the most of that 72-hour window) — Why self-compassion is essential when navigating jealousy in non-monogamous relationships — The similarities between NRE (New Relationship Energy) and psychedelic states — Practical integration practices that help us incorporate insights from altered states into everyday life — Why focusing on positive experiences is just as important as processing challenges — The importance of harm reduction and testing substances if you choose to use psychedelics Resources mentioned in this episode: — Nicole's podcast: Modern Anarchy — The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide — Fireside Project psychedelic support hotline — Relationship Reflection Integration Questions JOIN The Year Of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Relationship ruptures happen to everyone, but repair is a skill that most of us were never really taught. When connections break down between partners, friends, family members, or colleagues, many of us rely on time alone to heal the wounds. But time itself isn't a repair tool, and waiting for hurts to magically disappear often leads to relationships that heal incorrectly, like a broken bone that wasn't properly set. The good news? Effective repair is a learnable skillset that can transform your relationships. Not only does thoughtful repair address specific ruptures, but it also builds relationship resilience, deepens intimacy, and creates psychological safety that allows both people to take more risks in vulnerability. Listen to this one, then check out the Repair Skills YT series we made for you—this is life-changing learning! In this episode, we talk about: — What relationship repair actually is (and what it definitely isn't) — Why time alone cannot heal relationship wounds — How repair is an opportunity to deepen intimacy rather than just a problem to solve — The importance of taking responsibility for your part in ruptures without over-functioning — Why defensiveness, excuses, and intellectualizing are repair-blockers that compound the original hurt — How to avoid performative apologies that don't actually address the underlying issues — Why asking for forgiveness can be problematic and coercive — Why patterns of rupture require patterns of repair — Why repair needs to be consensual—your partner may not be ready when you are — How explanation differs from excuses, and why timing matters when offering explanations — The importance of making repair actions relevant to the specific rupture that occurred — Why gift-giving, sex, or other distractions are not substitutes for genuine repair Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Repair Skills YouTube Series — PWF Episode 129: Imago Dialogue JOIN The Year Of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions