214 Defying Mononormativity with @Polyamarla

When we step outside established relationship norms, we're not
just changing our dating lives—we're challenging entire paradigms
that shape how we see the world. In this episode, we welcome
Marla Schreiber, author of the new book Non-Monogamy and Defying
a Paradigm, to discuss what it truly means to question and move
beyond mononormativity.


Marla brings a fresh perspective as someone who's been practicing
polyamory since 2005, when resources were scarce and community
was hard to find. Their journey offers valuable insights for
anyone questioning relationship structures or feeling constrained
by societal expectations.


Paradigm shifts aren't just intellectual exercises—they're deeply
personal transformations that require courage, patience, and a
willingness to exist in uncertainty. Whether you're considering
non-monogamy or simply questioning other societal norms, this
conversation offers wisdom about the challenging but rewarding
process of creating your own path.


In this episode, we talk about:


— What paradigms are and why they're so difficult to challenge


— The humbling experience of trying to create new relationship
structures without established models


— How mono-normativity is embedded not just in our social world
but in legal systems and economic structures


— Why it takes 3-5 years (or more!) to truly begin shifting
paradigms


— The scarcity model that underlies mono-normativity and how it
affects our sense of security


— Why "exclusivity" often stands in for deeper values and needs
that can be met in other ways


— How couples privilege operates and why it's challenging to
recognize when you're benefiting from it


— The courage required to question your approach, even after
years of practice


— Why defiance can be a powerful tool when challenging
established norms


— The importance of staying in the "unknown" rather than rushing
to create new rigid structures


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Marla Schreiber's new book Non-Monogamy and Defying a Paradigm


— Marla’s socials: @PolyaMarla


— Marla's newsletter at polyamarla.com


— The new edition of More Than Two


JOIN The Year Of Opening community for a full year of learning
& support. Registration is open now at
⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠


Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way


Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at
www.JoliQuiz.com


Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your
dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here


Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions