215 Nurturing Established Relationship Energy

When you've been together for years, it's easy to let your
relationship run on autopilot. But what happens when you need to
reconnect, especially after a difficult period? In this episode,
we share our personal journey of creating an intentional retreat
to nurture our established relationship after 18 months of
significant changes and challenges.


We believe that established relationships deserve just as much
intentional care as new ones—maybe even more so! The routines and
patterns that develop over time can either support your
connection or slowly erode it. By creating a specific container
for reconnection, we discovered a renewed sense of love and
appreciation for each other that surprised even us.


We’re breaking down:


— How we created a 5-day retreat to nurture our established
relationship energy


— The power of using a Minimum Viable Agreement (MVA) to create
clear expectations and boundaries for our time together


— Why choosing a familiar environment reduced the need for
resilience and allowed us to focus on each other


— The importance of regular check-ins to stay connected without
falling into hypervigilance


— How practicing differentiation (recognizing where you end and
your partner begins) creates space for authentic connection


— The value of having a "parking lot" for relationship issues
that need discussion but can wait


— Using regulation tools when things get emotionally challenging,
especially around intimacy


— Why explicit communication is crucial for preventing resentment
from unmet implicit expectations


— How repair tools like our soft safe word "marshmallow" and the
apology and accountability ladder helped us navigate difficult
moments


— The necessity of preparation when creating intentional
relationship experiences


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— NSI (Neuro Somatic Intelligence) techniques


— The Apology and Accountability Ladder and other repair
techniques


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions