212 Repair Skills

Relationship ruptures happen to everyone, but repair is a skill
that most of us were never really taught. When connections break
down between partners, friends, family members, or colleagues,
many of us rely on time alone to heal the wounds. But time itself
isn't a repair tool, and waiting for hurts to magically disappear
often leads to relationships that heal incorrectly, like a broken
bone that wasn't properly set.


The good news? Effective repair is a learnable skillset that can
transform your relationships. Not only does thoughtful repair
address specific ruptures, but it also builds relationship
resilience, deepens intimacy, and creates psychological safety
that allows both people to take more risks in vulnerability.


Listen to this one, then check out the Repair Skills YT series we
made for you—this is life-changing learning!


In this episode, we talk about:


— What relationship repair actually is (and what it definitely
isn't)


— Why time alone cannot heal relationship wounds


— How repair is an opportunity to deepen intimacy rather than
just a problem to solve


— The importance of taking responsibility for your part in
ruptures without over-functioning


— Why defensiveness, excuses, and intellectualizing are
repair-blockers that compound the original hurt


— How to avoid performative apologies that don't actually address
the underlying issues


— Why asking for forgiveness can be problematic and coercive


— Why patterns of rupture require patterns of repair


— Why repair needs to be consensual—your partner may not be ready
when you are


— How explanation differs from excuses, and why timing matters
when offering explanations


— The importance of making repair actions relevant to the
specific rupture that occurred


— Why gift-giving, sex, or other distractions are not substitutes
for genuine repair


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— The Repair Skills YouTube Series


— PWF Episode 129: Imago Dialogue


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions