203 Money & Non-monogamy: Skip This Episode at Your Own Peril

When we open our relationships, we often focus on creating
boundaries and agreements around emotions, time, and sex. But
there's another crucial element that frequently gets overlooked
(until it becomes a problem): money. How we handle finances in
our relationships can reveal deep-seated values, trigger old
wounds, and create unexpected power dynamics—especially when we
start dating outside our established partnerships.


The financial aspects of non-monogamy touch on some of our most
vulnerable places. They can bring up childhood patterns,
highlight privilege differences, and force us to examine our
relationship with capitalism itself. While these conversations
might feel uncomfortable, they're essential for building healthy
relationships with clear expectations and boundaries. Money
conversations in non-monogamy can be terrifying—but avoiding them
is worse!


In this episode, we talk about:


— Why money conversations are often avoided until they become
painful problems


— How our personal money histories shape our approach to finances
in relationships (including childhood experiences with scarcity
or abundance)


— The practical questions that arise when dating: What counts as
a "date expense"? Who pays? How do we handle financial
disparities?


— Why separate accounts can be helpful for financial
differentiation in non-monogamy


— The challenge of funding separate accounts when income
disparities exist between partners


— How dating expenses can reveal our values and trigger judgments
about what's "worth" spending on


— The way money intersects with other resources like time,
emotional labor, and childcare responsibilities


— Why regular money check-ins are crucial as relationships evolve
and circumstances change


— How money conversations can actually build intimacy when
approached with curiosity and compassion


— The importance of allowing partners to change over time and not
assuming their financial values remain static


— Why examining privilege and socioeconomic differences can be
both challenging and a way to deeply connect


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Imago dialogue as a tool for difficult conversations


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions