206 The Grief of Jealousy

Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions. When we
experience jealousy, we're experiencing a form of loss—whether
it's the loss of attention, time, or even an imagined future–and
often grief is hiding just beneath the surface of these
experiences. Understanding this connection can help us navigate
the complex emotional landscape of non-monogamy with more
compassion for ourselves and our partners.


In this episode, we talk about:


— The concept of "ambiguous grief" and how it relates to jealousy
in non-monogamous relationships


— Why jealousy often contains elements of grief, especially when
we're experiencing changes in relationship dynamics


— How anticipatory grief works when we imagine potential losses
before they happen


— The difference between grieving (the emotion) and mourning (the
actions we take to process loss)


— Why jealousy can be viewed as an opportunity for appreciation
rather than just a painful emotion to endure


— How jealousy can help us recognize what we truly value in our
relationships


— The ways our personal triggers and vulnerabilities influence
which aspects of jealousy hit us hardest


— Why the cultural conversation around jealousy needs to be much
richer and more nuanced


— The value of sitting with jealousy rather than immediately
trying to eliminate it


— How comparing ourselves to metamours can introduce envy into an
already complex emotional mix


— The importance of learning how to mourn ambiguous losses in
relationships


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Joli's Recommended Reading List


— The Jealousy Resource Center


— The YouTube Playing With Fire Jealousy playlist


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions