208 Relationship Anarchy: Tailor-Making ALL Your Relationships with Annie Undone

Relationship structures don't have to follow a script. Whether
you're monogamous, polyamorous, or somewhere in between, you can
intentionally design all your relationships to fit exactly who's
in them. But what does that actually look like in practice?


In this episode, we welcome Annie Undone, a non-binary queer
writer whose journey through various relationship styles offers
powerful insights into relating. Annie shares their evolution
from monogamy to polyamory to relationship anarchy, demonstrating
how deconstructing societal expectations can lead to more
authentic relationships across all domains of life.


We dive deep into what relationship anarchy truly means (spoiler:
it's not just about romantic relationships!) and how this
framework can benefit everyone—polyamorous or not—by challenging
the assumptions we've internalized about how relationships
"should" work.


In this episode, we talk about:


— Annie's personal journey from monogamy through polyamory to
relationship anarchy


— The simple yet profound definition of relationship anarchy


— How to deconstruct heteronormativity and mononormativity in
your relationships


— Why relationship anarchy can be beneficial even for monogamous
couples


— The importance of asking "Do I want this, or do I think I
should want this?" when examining relationship expectations


— How mononormativity can sneak back in even when we think we've
moved beyond it


— The value of intergenerational relationships and challenging
ageism in our communities


— Why coming out to family members about non-monogamy might be
less complicated than you fear


— The challenges of perfectionism in polyamorous communities


— How relationship anarchy creates space for aromantic and
asexual people in non-monogamous communities


— Why symmetry in relationships isn't always the goal (and can
sometimes be inherently unfair)


— The ongoing nature of relationship deconstruction as a lifelong
process


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Annie’s Instagram


— Annie's Patreon


— Annie's new e-book, On Polyamory


— Book a one-to-one peer support session with Annie


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions