158 Desire Discrepancy: What to Do When Your Wants Don’t Align

Ever been in a relationship where one of you wanted a lot more
sex than the other? Us too! It can be challenging to navigate,
especially when you throw in stigma, trauma, sexual shame, and
all the other obstacles that can make conversations about sex and
desire tricky and painful.


We have good news: There’s a lot you can do to address these
issues! In fact, we find that when we do a little digging with
our clients, many of those who struggle with desire discrepancy
have barely talked about the issue… at all. This week, we’re
unpacking why that is and what you can do about it, and we’re
sharing some powerful resources to help you along the way.


In this episode, we talk about:


— Why conversations about desire discrepancies can be so
challenging


— Destigmatizing the topic of desire mismatches through open
conversation


— Why there is no such thing as the “normal” amount or type of
sex


— The importance of understanding your own desires first


— Why even small differences in desire can start to feel like a
problem


— Why getting really clear and specific about desires and past
patterns is the key to improving these conversations


— The importance of consent in relationships with desire
mismatches


— How we often project inner conflicts about sex and pleasure
onto our partners


— Reimagining relationship norms and structures rather than
assuming fixed rules


— The complexity and ongoing nature of unpacking unconscious
assumptions around sexuality within relationships


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Emily Nagoski's books "Come As You Are" and "Come Together"


— Emily Nagoski's TED talks and podcast episodes


Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21.
Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get
involved!


Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠
⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠


Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your
dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here


Read the transcript of this episode here


Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions