174 Social Monogamy: The Impact of Maintaining Your Mono-Image

It’s totally normal and understandable to want privacy around
your relationships. Especially in a culture that can be less than
understanding towards non-monogamous people.


And, maintaining the social appearance of monogamy (AKA social
monogamy), can come at a cost. For some people, maintaining
social monogamy can lead to feelings of disconnection and
inauthenticity. You can also get into some messy territory around
consent and secrecy with your partners, especially if you have
different privacy preferences.


We’re not here to tell you how to live your life. We are here to
help you navigate these tricky issues, and to help prepare you
for the possibility of coming out as non-monogamous in the
future.


In this episode, we talk about:


— The concept of default monogamy and how it shapes societal
expectations


— The differences between social monogamy, compulsory monogamy,
and non-monogamy


— The challenges of maintaining social monogamy while practicing
non-monogamy


— The potential impact of secrecy on relationships and personal
well-being


— Why it's important to have conversations about relationship
visibility early on


— How maintaining social monogamy can reinforce mono-normative
structures


— The complexities of coming out as non-monogamous, especially
when children are involved


— Why it's crucial to revisit decisions about relationship
visibility periodically


— The reality of discrimination against non-monogamous
individuals and relationships


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Angela Willey's academic papers on compulsory monogamy


— Elizabeth Emmons' legal paper on monogamy assumptions


— Emily Nagoski's work on desire and relationships


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions