180 Hyper-Individualism vs Healthy Autonomy: Am I The A**hole?

How do you tell the difference between being selfish and
practicing healthy autonomy? You probably won’t be surprised to
hear that it’s complicated! The line between hyper-individualism
and differentiation isn’t just blurry; it’s usually impossible to
judge any action one way or the other without a loooot of context
(and maybe even hindsight!).


To unpack this question, we have to dig deep into the culture of
American exceptionalism, principles of ecology and community, and
depth psychology’s lenses of duality and multiplicity.


In this episode, we talk about:


— The hyper-individualism and enmeshment spectrum, and the
“bounce-back” phenomenon


— How to answer the “Am I The Asshole” question


— How America’s culture of individualism and exceptionalism
impacts our relationships


— The challenges of balancing individual needs with community
responsibilities


— Why context is crucial when evaluating "selfish" behavior


— How our personal histories shape our tendencies toward
individualism or enmeshment


— The role of imagination in creating healthier relationship
dynamics


— Why it's often impossible to judge a single action as selfish
or autonomous


— How the stories we tell ourselves impact our perceptions of
others' behavior


— The value of holding multiple perspectives when interpreting
situations


— Practical strategies for moving from victim mentality to
empowered creator


— The potential benefits of re-parenting work for those
struggling with hyper-individualism


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Playing With Fire Episode 142 Enmeshment: Are you
over-functioning in your relationship?


— Playing With Fire Episode 108 with Mollena Williams-Haas


— Book mention: "Selfish" by Nakita Thigpen


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions