181 Q&A Quickie: Privacy vs. Transparency—How do I feel safer?

Navigating privacy and transparency in relationships can feel
like walking a tightrope—especially when you and your partners
have different comfort levels with information sharing. If you've
ever felt frustrated by how much (or how little) your partner
shares, you're not alone!


The good news? There's no "right" amount of transparency or
privacy. What matters is finding agreements that work for you and
your partners while maintaining everyone's sense of safety. This
episode dives deep into how to handle those tricky conversations
with intention and integrity.


In this episode, we talk about:


— The crucial difference between privacy and secrecy (hint: it's
about impact!)


— Why safety is at the core of our transparency/privacy needs


— How to identify your own comfort levels with information
sharing


— The role of trust-building in navigating transparency


— The nervous system’s safety needs and strategies


— Why consistent relationship check-ins are essential for
maintaining a healthy flow of information


— The importance of having explicit agreements about information
sharing


— How to create repair plans for when agreements aren't met


— Why moral judgments about privacy vs. transparency can block
intimacy


— Different domains of transparency (emotional, sexual,
scheduling, etc.)


— The value of examining patterns rather than isolated incidents


— How to handle situations where partners have very different
needs around disclosure


— Why the timing of disclosure matters as much as content


Resources mentioned in this episode:


— Playing With Fire Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101


— Playing With Fire Episode 123 Weasel Words and Creating More
Intimacy in Your Relationships


— Playing With Fire Episode 71 Doing what you said you’d do: When
accountability works and when it doesn’t


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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions